I cannot fail.

Old 09-06-2010, 09:39 PM
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I cannot fail.

I know hes using again.

That 2 week break was nice. Now we are slowly getting back to "the same ol"
Already leaving again. Same old friends again. Money missing again. More accusations. More lies. Less looking for jobs. Less eating. Less sleeping. Less weight. Less talking about his problem because now its going to be a secret agian that he is on drugs.

Like I said in my blog Im done when I get off of work tonight Im telling him.

Im done done done done.

He hurt me so many times I think I am kind of numb to it now I dont think it is going to hurt that much I am too raged.

(I am trying so hard to cover up the pain and tears inside because if I let them out, this plan will fail.)
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Old 09-07-2010, 02:09 AM
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it is what it is
 
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a very difficult decision but you need to take care of yourself - you cannot control anything about him, just how he effects you - removing yourself from the situation gives you an opportunity to be healthy - i know it hurts but the situation is full of hurt one way or the other - you are choosing the hurt that can heal - staying so close to the addiction will only continue hurt that doesn't heal until he decides it does - take a breath and stay focused - prayers are with you
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Old 09-07-2010, 06:09 AM
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You cannot fail because you have a plan. Failure is not an option. We find strength at times that we never imagined to have it.

gentle hugs
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Old 09-07-2010, 10:49 AM
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work in progress
 
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When I made the break from Mr.Sofa, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I do love him, he's an amazing man...when he's sober.

Which, over a span of 10 years, was very rare.

When "the time" had come...and I was faced with standing by my boundaries... I almost chickened out. I couldn't do it!!! I was so angry with myself for not having the strength to stand up for myself. So I went into my bedroom and had a LONG LONG talk with myself. I was done with it all, and I knew it. I had reached my own personal bottom with myself and I knew I could never go back to my old ways of enabling. I couldn't take ONE MORE MINUTE of living with an active A.

That night, I decided that I would wait until morning... and the words "I don't want to see you anymore like this, and you need to leave." just couldn't come out of my mouth. So i made the decision to tell him we needed to "separate" for a little while.
Those words I knew I could muster up and get out. It seemed less "final" and way more "doable" in my tormented state.

It has been 8 months since we parted ways. Each day in the first week of being away from him was tough. It was as if I was going through my own personal detox from him and the chaos. I didn't know how to function when things were "quiet". It had been a long long time since I had functioned on that level.

I stayed here literally every waking moment that I could. Posted Daily Detox threads just to get it all out and share what I was feeling.

You seem like you have reached your own bottom with this as well....you titled this
"I cannot fail" You sound like you are ready to get your life back... and when you're in that mode, you will not fail.

Stay here with us and we will be holding your hand through it. It's gonna be tough...but the only way "out" is "through"....

one day at a time.
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