How was your Labor Day weekend?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 103
How was your Labor Day weekend?
This was the first holiday without my XABF. I missed him alot, having someone to hang out, to sleep in with, to do something fun with..
But then I think along with those "good times" I would also had to deal with his ex-wife and her plans for the weekend with their kids, she of course would throw a monkey wrench to screw up our plans. I would then be called upon to exercise patience while I drove him around to his kids' weekend events, since he lost his license to a DUI, poor guy.
All the while, anxiously waiting around for him to spend some time alone with me, usually after 9 pm on Saturday night. We would have sex, start watching a movie and fall asleep around 11 pm.
... oh, yes and I almost forgot, having to deal with his secretive attempts to get away from everyone so he can drink himself to oblivion, usually on Sunday night. It was his way of getting ready for the work week.
He would then cap off this holiday weekend by his sending me a few drunk texts trying to placate me because by now I would be royally p***** off!
Good times.
After I read this, I realized that this was how it was EVERY weekend we were together. I paid such an enormous price just to be in a relationship.
But then I think along with those "good times" I would also had to deal with his ex-wife and her plans for the weekend with their kids, she of course would throw a monkey wrench to screw up our plans. I would then be called upon to exercise patience while I drove him around to his kids' weekend events, since he lost his license to a DUI, poor guy.
All the while, anxiously waiting around for him to spend some time alone with me, usually after 9 pm on Saturday night. We would have sex, start watching a movie and fall asleep around 11 pm.
... oh, yes and I almost forgot, having to deal with his secretive attempts to get away from everyone so he can drink himself to oblivion, usually on Sunday night. It was his way of getting ready for the work week.
He would then cap off this holiday weekend by his sending me a few drunk texts trying to placate me because by now I would be royally p***** off!
Good times.
After I read this, I realized that this was how it was EVERY weekend we were together. I paid such an enormous price just to be in a relationship.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 60
It was hard. It's only been a month since I left my XAF and I miss her dearly.
I spent the weekend settling in my new apartment and was feeling depressed the whole weekend. The apartment feels empty without her, and so does my life.
Even with all the strain her drinking put on our relationship, I still can't imagine the rest of my life without her. And the pain is not diminishing.
I spent the weekend settling in my new apartment and was feeling depressed the whole weekend. The apartment feels empty without her, and so does my life.
Even with all the strain her drinking put on our relationship, I still can't imagine the rest of my life without her. And the pain is not diminishing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 103
Phineas it has been 5 weeks for me, I moved to a new place and have had no contact since.
It is hard, I understand. But you have to keep going.
I have begun making new friends, getting out among people, even if it is just to a coffee shop or book store. I started going to church every Sunday, going to Alanon meetings. Reading books that teach and inspire me, like Melodie Beattie's books. Journaling my thoughts and coming here to SR everyday.
Most importantly, I have found things to be grateful for: a good job, healthy grown up daughter, a roof over my head, good food to eat and things to look forward to.
It is hard, I understand. But you have to keep going.
I have begun making new friends, getting out among people, even if it is just to a coffee shop or book store. I started going to church every Sunday, going to Alanon meetings. Reading books that teach and inspire me, like Melodie Beattie's books. Journaling my thoughts and coming here to SR everyday.
Most importantly, I have found things to be grateful for: a good job, healthy grown up daughter, a roof over my head, good food to eat and things to look forward to.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Mine was fabulously quiet! I love quiet.
I don't miss my AH at all. His behavior in the last 9 months has sucked every ounce of good feeling I had for him dry. He doesn't care that he left me destitute, why should I care one iota about him at all?
I'm glad to be totally (almost) rid of him, forever!
Where is the dancing for happiness smilie?
I don't miss my AH at all. His behavior in the last 9 months has sucked every ounce of good feeling I had for him dry. He doesn't care that he left me destitute, why should I care one iota about him at all?
I'm glad to be totally (almost) rid of him, forever!
Where is the dancing for happiness smilie?
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 674
I know how much it hurts. I really do. But I feel the need to say that the pain is ok, and it will get better, and I have to keep reminding myself that the pain of living through life with an active alcoholic, and the pain of leaving was so much far beyond any pain I feel now in missing the good times.
If we are meant to someday be with our alcoholic loved ones, we will be. NOW is the time to get healthy ourselves.
Phineas, you will feel better, I promise.
If we are meant to someday be with our alcoholic loved ones, we will be. NOW is the time to get healthy ourselves.
Phineas, you will feel better, I promise.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 182
I had a good, quiet, relaxing yet productive weekend. Not too many feelings of missing xabf floating around. Maybe for me I having split from him before it is a well worn path. When I do miss him I try to remember the price I have paid for keeping it all going - huge stress and little happiness. I love him, wish him the best and am absolutely certain he needs to be gone from my life now.
I cleaned like a mad woman this weekend - bought a good sized shop vac and sucked up every spot of dirt I could find. Fun times. Guess it is a sign of old age when a new vacuum is that cool. LOL. I also planted tons of flowers and spruced up my patio area. Filled the dumpster with old crud. Feels great to start anew with new beautiful blooms and plants.
I don't feel the pain this time that I have felt before but I remember it so well - that agony of being separated from the one you love. Wondering what they are doing and hoping and praying for their safety. Wondering if they will call or if you should call. The endless tears, stomachaches and headaches. I feel so sad for each and every person here going through that pain. It does get better with time. Sounds cheesy but it really does. Alcoholism is a horrible, hideous disease. It hurts everyone it touches over and over again. Sending hugs to all of you tonight suffering from that hurt.
I cleaned like a mad woman this weekend - bought a good sized shop vac and sucked up every spot of dirt I could find. Fun times. Guess it is a sign of old age when a new vacuum is that cool. LOL. I also planted tons of flowers and spruced up my patio area. Filled the dumpster with old crud. Feels great to start anew with new beautiful blooms and plants.
I don't feel the pain this time that I have felt before but I remember it so well - that agony of being separated from the one you love. Wondering what they are doing and hoping and praying for their safety. Wondering if they will call or if you should call. The endless tears, stomachaches and headaches. I feel so sad for each and every person here going through that pain. It does get better with time. Sounds cheesy but it really does. Alcoholism is a horrible, hideous disease. It hurts everyone it touches over and over again. Sending hugs to all of you tonight suffering from that hurt.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere in the big ole' world....
Posts: 545
I spent the weekend doing last minute things in and out of my house - since I go back to University tomorrow (as a VERY mature student....LOL), there were things I put off doing - I think, because I was so caught up in the drama with EXABF.
It's been a couple of weeks and yes, there has been days when I wanted to unblock my phone and email and the like and talk to him but I knew what was on the other end-the same old drama. I do miss him-the good times we did have but I have to look at the whole picture of what led to our breakup.
As much as I have missed him, I am enjoying the peace that has descended around my place-not waiting in anticipation for the next crisis or drama. I have been reading, relaxing, spending quality time with my furry child, who has calmed down a lot since I have become less stressed.
So, it's back to making lunches, getting up early, homework, things I have not done for many years. But, this is a whole new chapter of my life, one I am looking forward to and I am genuinely excited about all of it.
It's been a couple of weeks and yes, there has been days when I wanted to unblock my phone and email and the like and talk to him but I knew what was on the other end-the same old drama. I do miss him-the good times we did have but I have to look at the whole picture of what led to our breakup.
As much as I have missed him, I am enjoying the peace that has descended around my place-not waiting in anticipation for the next crisis or drama. I have been reading, relaxing, spending quality time with my furry child, who has calmed down a lot since I have become less stressed.
So, it's back to making lunches, getting up early, homework, things I have not done for many years. But, this is a whole new chapter of my life, one I am looking forward to and I am genuinely excited about all of it.
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