13TH stepping ?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 91
13TH stepping ?
Why does AA frown so hard on people in AA dating other? I go to AA sometimes. I still drink and so far the only thing I have got out of it is a few dates. I'm currantly on a waiting list for rehab.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
Posts: 887
you want my opinion?
it is because of what you are doing that makes AA caution against dating in meetings. AA doesn't discourage dating so much, but waiting until you have some sober time under your belt
You could be messing with someone else's sobriety by dating others from meetings while you are still drinking.
Just my opinion.
it is because of what you are doing that makes AA caution against dating in meetings. AA doesn't discourage dating so much, but waiting until you have some sober time under your belt
You could be messing with someone else's sobriety by dating others from meetings while you are still drinking.
Just my opinion.
Awakening...
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: in the present
Posts: 1,125
Real 13th stepping are old timers (usually men) who hit on newcomers (usually pretty, young women). Get the picture?
People who engage in 13th stepping are predators, and should be avoided.
But dating in AA, I'd say best done after you've been in the program for awhile, like a year and you've changed and grown a bit.
People who engage in 13th stepping are predators, and should be avoided.
But dating in AA, I'd say best done after you've been in the program for awhile, like a year and you've changed and grown a bit.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,944
in my area some of the different meetings are kind of Clicky Already and if i "Dated" someone at A.A. it Could Make it go From Clicky to Weird Real Fast! i Try To Remember the #1 Reason i Attend meetings.. Sorry about my Spelling! Cliquey* is the Proper Spelling!!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Sacramento CA
Posts: 33
You are there to get sober , going on multiple dates with people tells me you haven't been keeping your focus . Of course we are all human but what's more important another temporary fling with someone who has as many issues as you do or getting yourself together?
Sobriety to me is a completely selfish goal and getting caught up with someone and all of their baggage is just a distraction. Not too mention all of those emotional high's and lows when you are already a wreck from being an active addict.
Being an addict leads to suffering, misery , and often times death. It's understandable people get upset when they see people pissing away an opportunity or not taking it seriously enough. Remember why you are there.
Sobriety to me is a completely selfish goal and getting caught up with someone and all of their baggage is just a distraction. Not too mention all of those emotional high's and lows when you are already a wreck from being an active addict.
Being an addict leads to suffering, misery , and often times death. It's understandable people get upset when they see people pissing away an opportunity or not taking it seriously enough. Remember why you are there.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
What you are talking about isn't "13th stepping" but it IS inappropriate.
You might try listening in meetings instead of scoping out "prospects". I suspect that's part of the reason you haven't "gotten anything out" of AA so far.
The reason most people in AA (AA takes no official position on this) recommend not getting involved in relationships until you've got some solid recovery is (a) you are not the same person now that you will be once you've recovered, (b) you need to concentrate on your recovery rather than on a new relationship, and (c) dating tends to create emotional reactions that can interfere with early sobriety.
Not to mention that, as has been pointed out, you could be messing with someone else's sobriety if they are fairly new to recovery.
You might try listening in meetings instead of scoping out "prospects". I suspect that's part of the reason you haven't "gotten anything out" of AA so far.
The reason most people in AA (AA takes no official position on this) recommend not getting involved in relationships until you've got some solid recovery is (a) you are not the same person now that you will be once you've recovered, (b) you need to concentrate on your recovery rather than on a new relationship, and (c) dating tends to create emotional reactions that can interfere with early sobriety.
Not to mention that, as has been pointed out, you could be messing with someone else's sobriety if they are fairly new to recovery.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
There is only twelve steps.
Its just something else to confuse the newcomer.
There are people in AA that fall in love.......nothing wrong with that, if its healthy......i know plenty whom are in long term relationships whom met in the rooms.
Then there are those people that love a to focus on weak newcomers...especially the pretty ones......best way to deal with them...er.
begins with "f" and ends in off..
you said you got nothing out of AA............well what did you expect to get out of meetings??..........Id be interested to know.
Its just something else to confuse the newcomer.
There are people in AA that fall in love.......nothing wrong with that, if its healthy......i know plenty whom are in long term relationships whom met in the rooms.
Then there are those people that love a to focus on weak newcomers...especially the pretty ones......best way to deal with them...er.
begins with "f" and ends in off..
you said you got nothing out of AA............well what did you expect to get out of meetings??..........Id be interested to know.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
I'd feel bad for anyone who can't do better than go to AA meetings to pick up chicks.
The joke's on you, pal.
We already know how we are.
We even have a cliche' for that one too :
"The odds are good ... the goods are odd."
It's also a great place to get yourself a very real case of Hep-C.
There's another southern saying goes something like:
"Don't play with that, boy, you don't know where it's been."
Wake Up is right - that's flat out predatorial.
And far worse than any alcoholic in their disease.
I hope you get some real help soon.
The joke's on you, pal.
We already know how we are.
We even have a cliche' for that one too :
"The odds are good ... the goods are odd."
It's also a great place to get yourself a very real case of Hep-C.
There's another southern saying goes something like:
"Don't play with that, boy, you don't know where it's been."
Wake Up is right - that's flat out predatorial.
And far worse than any alcoholic in their disease.
I hope you get some real help soon.
Ethanol Intolerant
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Cascadia
Posts: 665
Having never been to an AA meeting, take this with a grain of salt. But I am finding that the newly sober are very vulnerable. The prospect of someone scooping me up and solving my problems does not sound to bad to me right now. I could see a BDSM type of power exchange being incredibly seductive and damaging at the same time to the newly sober. Gosh if we were not people vulnerable to our passions, we probably would not be here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 91
I'm not the one that hits on the men. And the two I did go out with I already knew from other places. They just happen to ask me out at AA. One of them didn't have a drinking problem and was court ordered. The other one has been in for along time and is very active in AA. I don't scope out the men. I can do that at the gym. I do listen. I actually prefer the all ladies meeting. I just don't care for sharing part.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 91
Mrs
[QUOTE=tribal1969;2700981]Why does AA frown so hard on people in AA dating other? I go to AA sometimes. I still drink and so far the only thing I have got out of it is a few dates.I'M CURRANTLY WAITING TO GO TO REHAB.QUOTE]
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by tribal1969 
I'm not the one that hits on the men. And the two I did go out with I already knew from other places. They just happen to ask me out at AA. One of them didn't have a drinking problem and was court ordered. The other one has been in for along time and is very active in AA. I don't scope out the men. I can do that at the gym. I do listen. I actually prefer the all ladies meeting. I just don't care for sharing part.
Of course, neither you nor they need our permission to do anything you choose. The time you spend dating might be better spent with a sponsor. You know, there's no rule that says you have to keep drinking until you go to rehab, either. You might get more out of meetings AND rehab with a clear(er) head
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by WakeUp
Real 13th stepping are old timers (usually men) who hit on newcomers (usually pretty, young women). Get the picture?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
i have a sponsee that hasnt had her spiritual awakening YET...up until recently she kept picking up guys left right and centre...closer look at this and she is trying to fill the hole in her soul...
i hope you find your way also tribal.
i hope you find your way also tribal.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Originally Posted by aehmnm
you want my opinion?
it is because of what you are doing that makes AA caution against dating in meetings. AA doesn't discourage dating so much, but waiting until you have some sober time under your belt
You could be messing with someone else's sobriety by dating others from meetings while you are still drinking.
Just my opinion.
it is because of what you are doing that makes AA caution against dating in meetings. AA doesn't discourage dating so much, but waiting until you have some sober time under your belt
You could be messing with someone else's sobriety by dating others from meetings while you are still drinking.
Just my opinion.
W.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I still drink and so far the only thing I have got out of it is a few dates
AA isn't a dating service. It's a program for living a sober healthy life. I feel bad that you seem to be going to meetings just to find dates.
I hope you have a good experience at rehab.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
