Babyblue

I have had a tough weekend, too much in my head, feeling down. I think I got my hopes up after I heard how great he sounded this week (currently struggling through a relapse). So I started to think 'wow maybe that person I love is back to stay a while!'.

Then, he vanishes. Just as quickly as he appeared.

He showed up long enough to make me feel loved and cared about but now I feel abandoned and forgotten, again. I was actually doing ok before this. My boundaries (I thought) were solid. But it only took a few sweet conversations and hearing something I miss to cause my emotional dam to burst.

So I'm trying to pick myself back up, realize how ill he is right now and not take his actions personally. But how do I not take it personally? If it hurts so badly. My head knows all the reasons I need to detach and focus on myself but for some reason all I could do this weekend was dwell on my sadness and miss him. When I told him I was worried about him he told me not to and is encouraging me to do fun things and live my life. He knows he can't be there for me right now.

I just want to feel secure in myself again and I feel like all my progress in focusing on myself, detaching, etc was lost in just a few days. Poof gone. Back to the drawing board I guess.

bookwyrm

Don't be so hard on yourself. Sometimes we have to step back in order to keep moving forward. I know I did. Melody Beattie calls it recycling in Beyond Codependency. Remember, recovery is all about progress, not perfection! You haven't 'lost' what you've learned, you've actually learned a little bit more about yourself. You aren't starting back at square one at all.

Be kind to yourself. :ghug3

barb dwyer

On the bright side -= you've foud another weak spot to work on!