abnheel

As I've mentioned, I'm coming up on 4 weeks and feeling so good right now. But, last night was extremely difficult. She has spoken over the last few days with both our minister and counselor and I had to come fully clean last night.

I just broke down crying and we were up until 4am. I let it all out and talked about all of the things I tried to hide, how paranoid/anxious I was every morning, not growing up to be a man, and why I thought that I felt I had to drink in the first place.

But, all of that being said, I feel like a large weight has been lifted off of me. I feel like I can go forward as a new person beginning a whole new life without carrying that guilt and those lies with me.

I don't know where I am going to go from here, but I hope that was a milestone last night and that I can simply grow up and accept my responsibilities and myself as we go on through life.

Thanks for letting me just share that with everyone.

LexieCat

Hey,

Glad you were able to get that off your chest. We've all got some stuff we are ashamed of. It's important to get it out in the open.

julez

Thats awesome. Wonderful new beginning.

SunnyDays3

I'm in the process of going through a divorce right now, but we're still friends and talk every day. I've been thinking about telling him too about how much I hid it from him, but I'm scared. I'm glad you were able to do that, and it helped you feel better. I used to keep everything inside, but I did eventually start telling people how nervous/anxious/depressed I really was and still am. I don't know if I'm ready to come clean about everything though.

abnheel

Trust me, I understand. As soon as the emotion and gravity of the situation consumed me, I just couldn't hold it in any longer. It's as if a faucet was turned on and everything inside that was black and evil flowed through my mouth.

Good luck with it.

SunnyDays3

I think I might tell my parents first because I'll need their support the most. My husband isn't very emotional and couldn't even really understand my depression and anxiety. My dad would understand because he drank a lot as we were growing up, but somewhere over the years he just tapered off a lot and doesn't drink much these days... he would understand though. I have a brother who recently quit drinking too, but he just did it on his own without a program. I don't know how much I'll feel like letting out... it's embarrassing to admit that this has taken over my life... all the sneaking around... hiding bottles and stuffing things in the bottom of the garbage can. I also don't want everyone to worry about me, but maybe it'll feel better to at least tell someone.

LexieCat

AA's steps give you a way to clear all that garbage from the past out of your life. You work the steps with a sponsor who has already worked them herself. You also get to make amends to people you have hurt in the past.

It gives you an orderly way of cleaning your own house rather than just dumping it on people who may not know how to react or how to help. Just a suggestion.

Anna

Hi,

I'm glad you were able to talk about your addiction with your wife.

There is lots of support here, so keep reading and posting.

I had also told a lot of lies when I was drinking, and when I began recovery, I knew that honesty was going to be very important. It's also very liberating.

lildawg

It really sounds like you're moving forward emotionally. I'm think you're doing great.

artsoul

That's wonderful, abnheel!

One of the best things about sobriety is getting honest again (first with ourselves). It's such a burden to carry around all those emotions and secrets. I'm so glad you were able to get it out and experience that relief. Proud of you!!

wpainterw

Simply fantastic! Spectacular! An astonishing breakthrough. Keep up the momentum! You're on a roll! The sun is starting to break through the clouds for you!

W.

CarolD

I'm proud of you.....a fresh start on life is awesome...

Blessings to you and your wife