URMYEVERYTHING

So the ex-abf is out of my life, well some days. He continues to send little irritating stupid messages here and there. Still thinking about changing my number.

But anywho....

Now, it's the ex-husband! He's not an addict but just has bad behavior and thinks he's GOD's gift to the world and women! He just told me he's getting remarried to another woman whom he's only been dating for 2 years, has 3 kids of her own and whom he cheated on and made another baby with another woman. I'm not really even upset about that. What's happening now is that since this new woman has stepped in his life, he has slacked on paying his full amount of child support.I never took a formal order out as he was paying up until June and I was being the nice one and never enforced him to pay life insurance premiums as well. Well, when I confronted him about the significantly reduced amount of child support he's sending me (1/2 of what he should be paying), he then got all brand new and told me, "You're lucky you are getting that! If something happended to me, you would be getting nothing!." Really? I just lost it. Not on him because I knew it was time to go to court before they marry in January to get was is due to me and our son.

What I'm scared about is his reaction when the court serves him papers. He has ignored my messages and emails asking him to call me to discuss in which the messages I sent were respectful. I'm no fool...I wouldn't put my anger in writing. I would save that for a face to face encounter which rarely happens because he lives 1000 miles away! (Thank GOD). But, I'm afraid of what he will think. I won't be that nice girl that gave him chances anymore. I will be that Bi*ch. I know that if I'm getting ignored now, he will definately ignore my calls in the future about simple things like sports, etc. and could possibly keep chipping away at the amount he sends me. Taking him to court is to secure my son's future and to get what he is entitled to by his father.

I know I don't and shouldn't have any worries about his reaction but it has put me into anxiety/panic attacks since learning of him getting remarried only after 3 years of divorce and him cutting back on child support without him going through the proper process. He's actually going to be responsible for everything he owes me now (counsel fees from divorce, life insurance, 1/2 medical cost, debt owed from divorce, and the list goes on). He has not followed one part of the divorce decree since divorcing with the exception of child support. All he had to do was call and talk to me about his situation rather than avoid.

UGH! I don't know why this is expending so much of my energy and time.
I'm so worried I will end up getting screwed in court for his stupidity and dumb decisions.

barb dwyer

I don't see how you will get screwed in court - this is his responsibility
he's proven he won't live up to his responsibility

so the court takes over,
and governs his responsibilities.

Pretty said and done.

There's a woman on another forum

who changed the name of the caller of her ex to "ALCOHOLIC LIAR'
and screens calls from him that way.

It kinda reads to me as if
he was violent at some time
and you're afraid that this
is somehow going to hurt YOU.

You hAVE permission to see to it that your child is cared for.

The proof of that permission is called the Law.

Go for it!

URMYEVERYTHING

He was never violent just didn't communicate well at all and was very disconnected from emotions. He is the type that will respond to my question of when and how much will he send this month by texting a simple and short message, "When you get it." He's that type. I'm more scared to communicate with him more than anything because I will get this abrasive yet cold response back.

It gets me boiling.

dollydo

I guess I am a little confused. When you divorced you did not have a legal binding child support court order?

As far as today, this is strictly business, nothing personal. It is his responsibility to care for his children. If he gets angery, so what?

Panicing about this will accomplish nothing. Take a few deep breaths and move forward with the court.

Kindeyes

The best thing I did many years ago is turn the entire issue of child support over to the Department in our State that handles it. Having that third party collection allowed me to let go of it. My xh still didn't pay the child support but at least I wasn't the one hunting him down to try to collect it and I could let it go.

It was an important part of letting go of all of the issues I had with my ex.

Interestingly enough though......here we are 27 years since the divorce......and he still blames me for everything that went wrong in his life. I find that sad. And unfortunately, he tries to send those messages to me via our son (the addict in my life). Which I also find very sad. It doesn't make me sad....I just find it sad in general. Does that make sense?

But I have no control over him, what he thinks, what he says or what he does and haven't let him bother me for many, many years. I have a special place for him in my mind......a place that I seldom visit.....and when I do, I don't really "feel" anything good or bad.....it's very neutral.

It is liberating.

gentle hugs

outtolunch

Is there any reason for you to have contact with him?

Let the Child Support Enforcement Office and courts deal with deadbeat dad # 7,584.239.
This should not cost you anything and many local offices let you apply online.

There are consequences for failure to pay child support:

-Garnishing his or her pay

-Refusing to allow the parent to obtain a legal passport

-Intercepting unemployment compensation

-Offsetting federal and/or state income tax refunds

-Enforcing jail time

His choice to pay or consequences.

The rest is just noise.

URMYEVERYTHING

Thanks everyone for your support. I have to let go and let GOD in this one. I have a divorce decree that states/orders child support but I never went to Child Support Enforcement because he was paying on time up until June. I hired a lawyer vs. going straight to child support this time because there are other areas of the decree (life insurance, etc.) that he isn't living up too.

Like it's been said....this is business now...nothing personal. I have to really work on not caring so much about how other's will feel and keep it moving.

Thanks everyone again for your feedback. You ROCK!

coffeedrinker

yeah, i get it, URMYEVERYTHING.

you hate causing people to be MAD at you. you care how he views you.

this was a hurdle for me as well - heck, still is. i debated whether or not to send my xabf a text telling him that since i am moving in two weeks, i guess if his stuff still remaining in my home is not gone by then, i will be forced to deal with it and throw it all in the trash. geeeez, he knew i was moving, he knew his stuff should have been picked up. but - always the "nice" one, the "caring and gentle" one - well, it was hard to do.
(just did that today...whew!)

sometimes, ya just gotta get through it.