AH's now blaming me for assualt
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: bowling green ky
Posts: 201
AH's now blaming me for assualt
As some of you already know- AH assaulted me 3 weeks ago and I called 911. He went to jail and subsequently pled guilty and was sentanced to 4 weeknds in jail.
Now he is drinking heavily again- the past 2-3 days. Now its my fault- Im a "cop caller" he doesnt deserve to be there- after all he only choked me and beat my head against the wall- never "hit" me.
I told him I will not argue with him nor will I minimize his actions, he says if I ever call the police on him again- then i will "not have a husband anymore".
He says he may not even go to jail this weekend- he hasnt decided. I told him that is his choice.
He told me I was a "*****" for calling the cops- why didnt I just try to calm him down?
I am sick of being blamed. I wont call the cops again because frankly, it was a joke- court was a joke too. 4 weekends- wow.
Im just tired of trying to help- I cant help him. HE told me I had better never try to kick him out of HIS house again (uh its both of ours, and I put the downpmt down on it- 50,000 from a former spouses life ins.) He says he'll never leave.
Im just in disgust mode today- we are -600$ in our bak acct, I cant even afford GAS to go to an al-anon mtg.
thanks for hearing me
Now he is drinking heavily again- the past 2-3 days. Now its my fault- Im a "cop caller" he doesnt deserve to be there- after all he only choked me and beat my head against the wall- never "hit" me.
I told him I will not argue with him nor will I minimize his actions, he says if I ever call the police on him again- then i will "not have a husband anymore".
He says he may not even go to jail this weekend- he hasnt decided. I told him that is his choice.
He told me I was a "*****" for calling the cops- why didnt I just try to calm him down?
I am sick of being blamed. I wont call the cops again because frankly, it was a joke- court was a joke too. 4 weekends- wow.
Im just tired of trying to help- I cant help him. HE told me I had better never try to kick him out of HIS house again (uh its both of ours, and I put the downpmt down on it- 50,000 from a former spouses life ins.) He says he'll never leave.
Im just in disgust mode today- we are -600$ in our bak acct, I cant even afford GAS to go to an al-anon mtg.
thanks for hearing me
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
hate that you are having to listen to the quacking of the disease -
please remember that "just because they say it doesn't make it true"
praying that soon your life is filled with peace, serenity, safety & sanity!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
please remember that "just because they say it doesn't make it true"
praying that soon your life is filled with peace, serenity, safety & sanity!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
ellima,
You are in danger! He choked you and beat your head against the wall! Now he is drinking heavily and blaming you.
Please, please, please get away from him and contact the DV resources in your area.
Here is the link to your thread where TC999 posted the numbers. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2692934
L
You are in danger! He choked you and beat your head against the wall! Now he is drinking heavily and blaming you.
Please, please, please get away from him and contact the DV resources in your area.
Here is the link to your thread where TC999 posted the numbers. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2692934
L
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
he says if I ever call the police on him again- then i will "not have a husband anymore".
Could someone please hand me the phone? Is that 9-1-1 or direct dial to the station, which would be quicker?
I am entirely done with your husband, and I have never had the displeasure of meeting him. I can't imagine just how ready you are to be free of him and his retched disease. You are on the right track when you say that these are his choices. His choice to drink. His choice to skip out on his sentence. His choice to risk getting thrown in jail for a good while (and that is no joke I assure you). Let him make dig his own hole and bury himself over this.
While he has choices, so do you. You can choose to listen to this sad sack of a person or you can walk away. You can choose to go somewhere safe, or you can take your chances with his rage. You can choose to believe his lies or you can choose to walk your own path.
These are his consequences and he doesn't want to suffer them so he's trying to make you suffer them for him. No way buddy, it's all on you.
Stay strong!!
Alice
Could someone please hand me the phone? Is that 9-1-1 or direct dial to the station, which would be quicker?
I am entirely done with your husband, and I have never had the displeasure of meeting him. I can't imagine just how ready you are to be free of him and his retched disease. You are on the right track when you say that these are his choices. His choice to drink. His choice to skip out on his sentence. His choice to risk getting thrown in jail for a good while (and that is no joke I assure you). Let him make dig his own hole and bury himself over this.
While he has choices, so do you. You can choose to listen to this sad sack of a person or you can walk away. You can choose to go somewhere safe, or you can take your chances with his rage. You can choose to believe his lies or you can choose to walk your own path.
These are his consequences and he doesn't want to suffer them so he's trying to make you suffer them for him. No way buddy, it's all on you.
Stay strong!!
Alice
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 138
Filing for divorce is only a document away at the court house. Not sure if KY has a cool down period though, but yea, I'd say go ahead and get on that. It happened once, its GOING to happen again, its like he broke the proverbial seal, it will just get easier and easier for him to do as time goes on.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: England
Posts: 741
Can you not get a restraining order on the basis of the violence, then he would have no choice but to move out wouldn't he?
He's not remorseful for what he did, he's not saying sorry, he's blaming you and telling you next time he does it you better not phone the police. I'd run.
He's not remorseful for what he did, he's not saying sorry, he's blaming you and telling you next time he does it you better not phone the police. I'd run.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Actually calling 911 on him again would be an excellent move, if he dared to lay a hand on you. You see he has already been convicted for domestic violence, first offense. He gets a second charge, it will be a lot more than 4 weekends in jail.
However, for your own safety and that of your child, do call the DV center NOW and get out of there.
Then while you are at the DV center you can file for divorce and since you have a child they will put you in the home and him out.
Ellima you ARE IN GRAVE DANGER, get out of there.
You didn't CAUSE this.
You can't CONTROL this.
You can't CURE this.
Statistics show that just like alcoholism, domestic violence ESCALATES, I repeat, you are in GRAVE DANGER.
Please, please keep you and your child safe.
Lots of love, and bunches of hugs,
However, for your own safety and that of your child, do call the DV center NOW and get out of there.
Then while you are at the DV center you can file for divorce and since you have a child they will put you in the home and him out.
Ellima you ARE IN GRAVE DANGER, get out of there.
You didn't CAUSE this.
You can't CONTROL this.
You can't CURE this.
Statistics show that just like alcoholism, domestic violence ESCALATES, I repeat, you are in GRAVE DANGER.
Please, please keep you and your child safe.
Lots of love, and bunches of hugs,
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
*I* think he's feeling it out to find 'just the right threat'
that will keep you from calling the cops again
the next time he beats you up.
which only means ONE thing
he's already planning to do it again.
please listen to these people.
that will keep you from calling the cops again
the next time he beats you up.
which only means ONE thing
he's already planning to do it again.
please listen to these people.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I'd call 911 as soon as he put his hand on me. He is dangerous, and you need to get away from him, one way or another.
This will not get better, he has already told you that he will beat the crap out of you again...heed his warning, he will do it.
You, house is 4 walls, that's it, you do not live in a home, a home is a santuary of peace and happiness. You are living in a self imposed prison with invisable bars...please get out of there, go somewhere safe.
This will not get better, he has already told you that he will beat the crap out of you again...heed his warning, he will do it.
You, house is 4 walls, that's it, you do not live in a home, a home is a santuary of peace and happiness. You are living in a self imposed prison with invisable bars...please get out of there, go somewhere safe.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 290
I am so sorry this happened to you ((((ellima))))
Like your AH, my AH blamed me after I called the police on him. They never really followed up on the charge (and the file is probably still laying on someone's desk). As with your AH, my AH's drinking escalated after the incident AND the verbal abuse tripled to say the least... I would come home and stay away from him as much as I could - I would lock myself into our bedroom when he was drinking and the door would stay locked all night. It was no life to live. After 3 or 4 months of continued verbal abuse (him calling me every name in the book, blaming me over and over again for calling the cops on him, and threatening me), I finally fell apart completely and it was at that point when I finally left. PLEASE don't wait as long as I did!!! Your life is way too precious to just throw it away!!! This doesn't sound like a safe situation and with him drinking all the time, he may easily snap! I know it's difficult ... but you can do it!!!! What is it that's holding you back?
Please keep us posted on your situation! HUGS!!!
Like your AH, my AH blamed me after I called the police on him. They never really followed up on the charge (and the file is probably still laying on someone's desk). As with your AH, my AH's drinking escalated after the incident AND the verbal abuse tripled to say the least... I would come home and stay away from him as much as I could - I would lock myself into our bedroom when he was drinking and the door would stay locked all night. It was no life to live. After 3 or 4 months of continued verbal abuse (him calling me every name in the book, blaming me over and over again for calling the cops on him, and threatening me), I finally fell apart completely and it was at that point when I finally left. PLEASE don't wait as long as I did!!! Your life is way too precious to just throw it away!!! This doesn't sound like a safe situation and with him drinking all the time, he may easily snap! I know it's difficult ... but you can do it!!!! What is it that's holding you back?
Please keep us posted on your situation! HUGS!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Alexandria Township, NJ
Posts: 275
My RAH called the police to have ME removed while he was in a drunken rage. Here I am in my jammies at 3am trying to get him to calm down, wondering why he shaved the front 1/2 of his head - hmmm that's odd.
Of course they took him away and charged him. One guess who he blamed -Dumb As*!
Really? is that it? How about being sick of being abused or being treated like a dog.
You NEED to get the hell out of there. There should not be a single doubt in your mind. Don't think for a second he is not capable of causing you serious harm. It's called blind rage.
The decision is easy - stay and possibly die or leave and not die.
Of course they took him away and charged him. One guess who he blamed -Dumb As*!
I am sick of being blamed
You NEED to get the hell out of there. There should not be a single doubt in your mind. Don't think for a second he is not capable of causing you serious harm. It's called blind rage.
The decision is easy - stay and possibly die or leave and not die.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Ellima,
You can still get a restraining order. I suggest that you do it. He is the one who will be removed from the house, not you.
If you aren't willing to do that, at least speak with a DV counselor about a safety plan. There are things you can do like leaving a bag packed with essentials where you can grab it quickly (or leave it with a friend), along with some emergency money. Make copies of important documents, and leave those with a friend, too (financial and medical records, for example). Have an escape plan.
Don't hesitate to call the police if he threatens you or harms you. The penalties DO escalate--and fast--if he repeats his behavior.
We all want you to be safe. Please be careful.
You can still get a restraining order. I suggest that you do it. He is the one who will be removed from the house, not you.
If you aren't willing to do that, at least speak with a DV counselor about a safety plan. There are things you can do like leaving a bag packed with essentials where you can grab it quickly (or leave it with a friend), along with some emergency money. Make copies of important documents, and leave those with a friend, too (financial and medical records, for example). Have an escape plan.
Don't hesitate to call the police if he threatens you or harms you. The penalties DO escalate--and fast--if he repeats his behavior.
We all want you to be safe. Please be careful.
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