huntwc

Tomorrow will be 60 days...longest time without a drink since my last pregnancy 13 yrs ago. I got myself into therapy, have read tons of books and come to SR multiple times a day. I love my support group and being part of this online community. I want to and will continue to do all of these things. I have put my heart and soul into this.

Trouble is for the past few days I have been restless and kind of fed up with this whole thing. I am tired of drinking water when I would really enjoy a glass of chard. It is almost like the past 2 months have been my most recent "project" that I did a great job on but it is time to wrap it up and move on to the next thing...let's see if I can apply all of my new knowledge and insight into trying to moderate my wine consumption..hmmmm....THIS is my scary thought....

I have heard that this sometimes happens around milestones such as the one I am reaching. Regardless...can anyone relate to what I am feeling?

stephnc

I can totally relate...milestones can be unnerving. Congratulations on your 60 days!!! It's silly but something that helped me was finding a new beverage instead of (oops, I meant in addition to) water...Diet Dr Pepper is an occasional treat and so is the 'focus' flavored vitamin water...it's pink and supposedly has lots of healthy vitamins and stuff in it (but mainly I like it because it's pink and tastes good).

Another thing that helps me is really all-out celebrating the milestones. I just reached 90 days a few weeks ago and it was so cool to pick up chips at AA meetings and announce my accomplishment here at SR.

Stick around, huntwc - and remember that we've got your back.

julez

Congrats on 60 days! I do think most people get antsy around milestones. I also think most people want to find a way to moderate their drinking so they can enjoy it. I have done both. And failed Its hard and it sucks, especially for those of us who enjoy the thought of having a drink still. I slipped after a month, but got right back up, and I'm not looking back. I hope you can find something to distract yourself from wanting a glass of wine. Good luck!

Ghostly

I know what you mean hunt. You hit a milestone and then you wonder what's next. You will get a lot of advice on this thread that will be better than what I'll write. Still...what has worked for me was making the decision I won't drink...at all...ever. It is not part of my life. I still think about it but because it's not an option it doesn't get to me as much.

Congratulations on the 60 days!

You can keep going with sobriety. It is up to you. Good luck.

CarolD

I think it's important to remember why you quit....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...religious.html

What changed?


Well done on your sober time....

Anna

Hi Hunt,

I'm glad that you recognize you are in a bit of a vulnerable situation now, and it's great that you're doing a lot to help yourself.

And, yes, it gets a bit tricky, because it's not always helpful to think of 'forever' but at the same time I needed to know for sure that drinking was not an option. When that clicked with me, it was like an aha moment, and my mind started working in different directions.

firestorm090

How bout setting a new goal, like 90 days?

That glass of wine sounds good, but what about the taste in your mouth after that? That chalky, dry, rough stuff and the fur that grows on our teeth from drinking too much the night before. That queasy feeling in your gut, the pounding sensation in your head with every heartbeat? The dread of another day with a hangover, even our eyes hurt, every little sound is as if a marching band is playing live in our living room.

Naw, that's not really what you want, is it?

Congrats on the 60 days!!! I can't wait to hear you say 90 days, so keep up the good work.

Dee74

It is common around milestones to get a little unsure....it could be something like PAWs but it may just be the fear of starting to think in terms of 'forever'...I know that was pretty scary for me.

Don't let any self doubt talk you out of what you've already achieved huntwc...the thing is....you're already doing it...

keep reaching out and asking for help if you need it

Congratulations on the upcoming 60 days
D

NEOMARXIST

It's a good sign that you're posting where you're at and what you're feeling. That is most definately a positive. It would be easy to not express what you're feeling and then go and pick a drink up in the near future.

For me then recovery is a 'one day at a time' deal. This is not just in terms of not drinking 'just for today' but rather actively living my life and thinking in terms of the 'one day at a time' philosophy. I know for me then recovery has been about transforming my mind and how I think and live life into a totally new person, a new person who accepts that he's an alcoholic and that drinking alcohol or taking drugs cannot be a part of that.

I think it's also necessary to just let the difficult thoughts pass and wash over you when they pass over you. It's only natural for an alcoholic to have thoughts crop up from time to time, especially when in early recovery. Once you have it sussed that your addict mind is just trying to get it's fix then you can just let it ride and get it out of your head. There will always be doubts about things but you just need to get your gratitude levels up so you can appreciate everything that you have and what alcohol will take away from you. I know that for this alkie then there was never a glass of alcohol. It was drinking until I was passed out and then drinking as soon as I woke up. I would also take shed loads of drugs too.

It gets easier over time and you learn to laugh at the thoughts or not let them bother you, as you've worked through it before.

Recovery and sobriety is a big learning experience. One that providing you make sure you never pick up that first drink then you begin to feel much more solid 'one day at a time'.

Nice one on your sober time.

Peace

Antiderivative

I can relate. I have an addictive disorder with alcohol. Cravings for alcohol are normal, especially in early recovery.

Thinking you can moderate your drinking is completely normal and I understand why you are scared of this thought. It seems like you realize deep down inside that you know you can't, but are talking yourself into it. This is why its an addiction. If you didn't have these thoughts, then you wouldn't have an issue with drinking.

Think through that drink. Think about how many times you have tried in the past with ill results. Think where the first drink ultimately takes you. Its probably not a good place.

Try to let the thought go. I know its hard, but don't entertain the thought and let it eat at you. These thoughts and feelings will pass.

Do something nice for yourself. After all, you are celebrating a milestone. Enjoy a nice meal, go to a movie, buy that little something you want, etc, but don't drink. Go out and enjoy your sobriety.

Treat yourself well. You deserve it.

Congratulations.

Dee74

Welcome to SR antiderivative

D

wpainterw

I certainly spent a lot of time trying to moderate my wine consumption. Started doing this in 1958. Got sober in 1968. No wine consumption for seven years. Then started again to moderate the wine. Changed to brandy, all sorts of stuff. Relapsed in 1978. Back to moderating the wine. Relapsed again in 1981. More moderating. Relapsed finally in 1988. Decided to quit moderating ("sick and tired of being sick and tired"). Attended AA for the first time. Sober from then on. Took me 40 years to learn that I couldn't drink a drop. Doctors kept telling me this. I was a slow learner.

W.

artsoul

I think what you're going through is perfectly normal. I wouldn't have believed the whole thing about milestones unless I had experienced it myself. The important thing to remember is that it won't last - get through it and you'll soon be feeling good about sobriety again.

As addicts, we're used to wanting to change our thoughts and emotions. But if we give in to that urge, it's not going to solve anything. If I drank tonight, I'd feel relief for the short (very short) term, but what happens when it wears off? What do I do then? The way I look at it is that it's worth investing in sobriety today for the sake of waking up tomorrow to new possibilities. It's worth it. YOU'RE WORTH IT!

Congratulations on 60 days - reward yourself!

huntwc

Thank you for reminding me why I did this in the first place and for all of the words of encouragement. I am waking up to 60 days and know I will soon have 61!!! Last night we had our friends over. They are huge wine drinkers and we ALWAYS had wine whenever we got together. She introduced me to the concept of wine with lunch as a matter of fact. Ever since I stopped she has been a true friend and joined me for sparkling water instead. We had a great time and nobody drank.

DayTrader

I think it's normal too Hunt.....that's part of the reason I did my best to NOT look at milestones. I didn't count days, weeks, months or even years anymore. I try to focus on being the best person I can TODAY and I let the "milestones" stack up on their own. The AA groups I attended don't give out desire chips, 30, 60, 90, etc day chips either so I didn't get my first token until I hit a year. Maybe that's good, maybe it's bad.. I can see it both ways.

Don't forget, we live our lives one moment at a time. The only time you have is right now, this SECOND, as you're reading what I've typed. We don't have the future.....it's just an imagined thought in our mind and the past is gone too....can't get back to it. Try to live in this moment right now and be the best person you can be. The anniversaries will take care of themselves.

ozgoddess

I actually agree with DayTrader. I found by counting days I felt like I was counting down to something rather than up (if that makes sense). It's like we "expect" something at the "milestones".

Now, I prefer to just live my days as they come. I know I am on 5 months simply because I gave up on the 4th but that's as far as I take it.

Of course it is different for everyone and I know in the early days counting those days helped me. Just a suggestion to try something different

Oh and the restless feelings are perfectly normal but as you go on they pass quicker (in my experience). It is important to remember how wonderful you are feeling now compared to how you would feel after all that chard I know it is not a place I am willing to go back to.

Hang in there. You are doing a wonderful job!! 60 days rocks!!!!