She died...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tormented Space
Posts: 13
She died...
She overdosed. I am not sure exactly when but she overdosed and now she is gone. I don't know all the details but my friend is gone. I tried to stop her. Everything I had. I gave it my all. Every last ounce of strength I had. Every resource I could muster. Every word I could say. All for naught in one instance gone. I tried everything.
I can only hope at this point that if some sort of afterlife or beyond exists she is there and free of pain. I can only hope the dealer she was with is summarily caught and punished. There is too much unneccesary death in the world and we add one more to the body count today.
I take no solace in the fact that she made the decision to use again. Despite my own knowledge in my own recovery of this being her decision I couldn't impart the essence of that on to her to give her what I had cultivated within myself. It saved me but she couldn't find it.
I can only hope this message finds someone else struggeling. Its not worth it. It never was. Death is a finality few appropriately grasp. When your life is gone it is ended. All possibilities erased in an instance that can not be undone.
My friend is dead today because of heroin. It didn't have to be.
I'll miss you. I couldn't stop it. I'm sorry. If I had the power I could but I am powerless. As powerless as I always have been. It sucks that all I could do is save myself from my own destruction.
Rest in peace.
-DM
I can only hope at this point that if some sort of afterlife or beyond exists she is there and free of pain. I can only hope the dealer she was with is summarily caught and punished. There is too much unneccesary death in the world and we add one more to the body count today.
I take no solace in the fact that she made the decision to use again. Despite my own knowledge in my own recovery of this being her decision I couldn't impart the essence of that on to her to give her what I had cultivated within myself. It saved me but she couldn't find it.
I can only hope this message finds someone else struggeling. Its not worth it. It never was. Death is a finality few appropriately grasp. When your life is gone it is ended. All possibilities erased in an instance that can not be undone.
My friend is dead today because of heroin. It didn't have to be.
I'll miss you. I couldn't stop it. I'm sorry. If I had the power I could but I am powerless. As powerless as I always have been. It sucks that all I could do is save myself from my own destruction.
Rest in peace.
-DM
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((DM))) - I'm so sorry
It is so hard to lose someone to addiction, when we've found recovery. Please know that you did your best, and it's a very good thing that you have saved yourself from destruction.
I lost my XABF to drugs, back in Dec., and though it hurt, I knew I couldn't have saved him, and you couldn't have saved her. They made the choice to keep using, despite our encouragement and recovery.
I DO believe that she is at peace, and no longer dealing with the demons of addiction.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
It is so hard to lose someone to addiction, when we've found recovery. Please know that you did your best, and it's a very good thing that you have saved yourself from destruction. I lost my XABF to drugs, back in Dec., and though it hurt, I knew I couldn't have saved him, and you couldn't have saved her. They made the choice to keep using, despite our encouragement and recovery.
I DO believe that she is at peace, and no longer dealing with the demons of addiction.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tormented Space
Posts: 13
She just came back from treatment! She had a chance! I didn't contact her because I wanted her to be able to do that on her own. I found out two days after she was home that she was even back! Its not fair! She knew! She knew the cost! I told her! I warned her! I had been down this road before! I knew where it led! I told her!
Why did she use again! It makes no sense!
She had a chance god dammit!
-DM
Why did she use again! It makes no sense!
She had a chance god dammit!
-DM
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by DarkMage 
It sucks that all I could do is save myself from my own destruction.
Rest in peace.
-DM
Rest in peace.
-DM
Hugs. ((()))
L
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
(((((((((((( DM ))))))))))))))))))))
Today you hurt because your friend is gone. Not now, but maybe one day
you will be able to live in gratitude for the time that you had and all that it meant.
Right now you are in the wake of vacancy and heartache.
Your friend slipped off the edge that she often spent time on.
When we love an addict we know that tragedy can be close by even as we hope it
won't happen. It is difficult to accept the loss of a loved one, especially when it is shocking, unexpected and sudden.
I know. My only child died of heroin OD in June.
He relapsed after 18 mos. in rehab and two yrs clean.
Now I must pay special attention to the ways in which our relationship can continue.
We can't make sense of it we can only learn to accept, knowing there will always be
a hole in our heart. I do not have an idea of what happens after death.
I just know that my son no longer suffers from depression + addiction.
May our loved ones rest in peace.
Today you hurt because your friend is gone. Not now, but maybe one day
you will be able to live in gratitude for the time that you had and all that it meant.
Right now you are in the wake of vacancy and heartache.
Your friend slipped off the edge that she often spent time on.
When we love an addict we know that tragedy can be close by even as we hope it
won't happen. It is difficult to accept the loss of a loved one, especially when it is shocking, unexpected and sudden.
I know. My only child died of heroin OD in June.
He relapsed after 18 mos. in rehab and two yrs clean.
Now I must pay special attention to the ways in which our relationship can continue.
We can't make sense of it we can only learn to accept, knowing there will always be
a hole in our heart. I do not have an idea of what happens after death.
I just know that my son no longer suffers from depression + addiction.
May our loved ones rest in peace.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am so very sorry, DM, and my prayers go out for you and all who loved her.
Addiction doesn't make sense, it steals those we love and it breaks our hearts.
I believe that there is something after death, that death is just a curtain between this life and something better that is just beyond our sight and knowledge. And I believe that she is at peace today, somewhere where there is no more suffering or loss.
Hugs
Addiction doesn't make sense, it steals those we love and it breaks our hearts.
I believe that there is something after death, that death is just a curtain between this life and something better that is just beyond our sight and knowledge. And I believe that she is at peace today, somewhere where there is no more suffering or loss.
Hugs
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((((((DM)))))))
No my friend ~ it doesn't make sense - this disease never does.
Please accept my sympathy in the loss of your beautiful friend. Sending out prayers and thougths of comfort for you and all who loved her.
Most of all, please take good care of you at this painful time - I'm sure you are filled with all types of emotions - give yourself the self-care, love and attention you deserve ~ that my friend is the best gift you can give yourself and the best way to honor your friends memory.
PINK HUGS,
Rita
No my friend ~ it doesn't make sense - this disease never does.
Please accept my sympathy in the loss of your beautiful friend. Sending out prayers and thougths of comfort for you and all who loved her.
Most of all, please take good care of you at this painful time - I'm sure you are filled with all types of emotions - give yourself the self-care, love and attention you deserve ~ that my friend is the best gift you can give yourself and the best way to honor your friends memory.
PINK HUGS,
Rita
So sorry I've been there.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 583
Dark
So sorry to hear about your friend !
I don't know if this might help but here it is. In the recovery rooms there is a saying "But for the Grace of God there go I."
Maybe she had a higher calling of being one who passed away so others could see what 'could' happen to them. We know the direct effect a close death has upon us. We rarely see what the indirect effect has upon the many others.
When a friend and I were 3 months sober he was going thru a divorce. I would see him everyday. One night about 6 hours after a meeting he took a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. A lot of us already knew this was a serious disease but why one must die for others to live was understood for me that day. He saved a lot of lives indirectly and tore many apart, like his wife and 5 year old son.
I don't know 'why' she was taken, but her life wasn't wasted, that I know.
My prayers go out to you and her family.
AG
So sorry to hear about your friend !
I don't know if this might help but here it is. In the recovery rooms there is a saying "But for the Grace of God there go I."
Maybe she had a higher calling of being one who passed away so others could see what 'could' happen to them. We know the direct effect a close death has upon us. We rarely see what the indirect effect has upon the many others.
When a friend and I were 3 months sober he was going thru a divorce. I would see him everyday. One night about 6 hours after a meeting he took a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. A lot of us already knew this was a serious disease but why one must die for others to live was understood for me that day. He saved a lot of lives indirectly and tore many apart, like his wife and 5 year old son.
I don't know 'why' she was taken, but her life wasn't wasted, that I know.
My prayers go out to you and her family.
AG
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