Onewithwings

Hi everyone.

I have 30 days clean today, and I am getting nervous about this stage of my recovery. I have been trying to get clean since March, and have relapsed every 2-4 weeks or so, with my longest stint clean being 35 days. Now that I am coming up on that time again I am getting scared. What is different now, and is it going to be enough? I go to meetings daily and work with my sponsor. I pray and meditate every day, which has been helping me through. If I feel like using, I call someone. But I still feel like I am going to wake up one day and not be able to resist the allure. I can feel the obsession coming back, and I talk about it, but I am not sure what else to do! I feel like I am on the road back to relapse despite working my best against it. I am so scared that the obsession and compulsion is on its way back! What do I do?

Anna

You're doing great and you're doing lots of good things to help yourself.

Believe in your heart that you are not going to sabotage yourself this time. Believe in your heart, that you deserve a good life. Allow yourself to accept the gift of sobriety. I had an awfully hard time with self-sabotage, so I know how you feel. But, you can get past this!

least

Thoughts of possible failure are just that: thoughts. They don't have to become reality. Don't give in to the negative thoughts. You are stronger than you know. You can do this.

LexieCat

Just because you relapsed before doesn't mean you will this time. It sounds as if you are putting more work into your recovery than you did before.

Have you told your sponsor about your fears?

SweetCityWoman

Wings - Do you notice certain times of day or triggers that make the thoughts about drinking feel like you are obsessing? Sounds like you are having intrusive thoughts. What is happening around you at those times? At times you are not obsessing what is going on around you? My point is that one step to interrupting these thoughts is to focus on triggers and then you can try to anticipate and change situational things. Talking is important and being in touch with your feelings - you recognize what is happening. Now the work for you is how to change this - it is behavioral.

Ofcourse I don't have the answers and can only try to provide some suggestions - and importantly, offer support. I am only on day 13 and have been down this road before. I liked you first thought - what will make it different this time. That is exactly where I am right now. Something must be different or the odds are that I will see day 1 again and again.

ItWillBeWorthIt

You will win the battle One With Wings. Know that you are a strong person and sometimes I think that many don't give them self credit for all that they have accomplished. You have done exceptional ... and you will get through this period of time of doubt and nervousness.

As the days progress, you will get even stronger and more confident in the new you, that being someone who doesn't drink and that is living a better life sober.

Take very good care of yourself... and know there is a lot of support here.

ERNIETWANG

Hey "wings" I feel you.... today is day 30 for me also "again" I've gone as much as 70 days and then said what the **** I'm going to get drunk. Why I don't have a clue. It's like I would trick myself into thinking I was normal.....and maybe the first day or two I could be moderate but I new the dam was about to burst and then usually by the third or fourth day it was on. We are never going to be free of cravings or desires and unfortuneately most of us will backslide. However I found theres no since in panicking or beating yourself up for cravings or relaspe. If you slip up on day 35 shoot for 40 next time. I know I sound like I'm being real undisciplined about our disease I just know that mental anguish wont help. All we can do is try. ONE DAY AT A TIME. Trust God and know that this is the right thing for you but it may take a couple of times before it really sticks with you "sobriety" Oh by the way all the other times I "quit" I was not in AA now I am and its GOOD!!!!!

chicory

Man, I'm thinking that if you can make it for 35 days, you can do it forever! That is awesome. And I think it is probably very normal to worry about it. How could we not think about the times we went backwards a bit. You are still going forward, and practice makes perfect. You are doing great. Just be sure to give yourself pats on the back too, so that you don't give your mind away to the negative thoughts only.
Think some good thoughts today. Put some good recovery stuff in there. You deserve a healthy life, and are working hard for it. Good for you, Wings.
hugs,
chicory

julez

Wings, you are doing every possible thing you can do. I love it that you pray and meditate and go to meetings daily. Believe in the work you are doing, and let it guide you to a place where you are in a safe place mentally. And most of all, relax. For all the work you are doing, you should be loving life just as much. Hang in there!! xoxo

wpainterw

Keep doing what you say you're doing. It's O.K. to be scared. Talk to your sponsor and others in the fellowship about being scared. Call them up. Go to meetings. You can make it one day at a time, or one hour or minute at a time. As Churchill used to say, "Never surrender!" Obviously no drugs or booze in the house and don't go near any place where there are any. And don't associate with anyone, in your family or elsewhere, who is not entirely into sobriety. You are right in sensing that this is a very very important time for you. Good luck.

W.

artsoul

Hi! Getting sober IS scary. Just remember not to get ahead of yourself and worry about tomorrow or next week or how many days you have. It's nice to stop and see how far we've come, but all we really have to deal with is today. If you can stay sober today, you've done the job.

Keep the faith alive and think positive!

Dee74

Congratulations on your 30 days OWW.

Don't listen to the voice of self doubt - listen to us...you can do this - you have been doing it for 30 days - keep reaching out, keep being honest about what your feeling and keep going

D

xuse

i to am at 29 days and no whatcha saying ive been having the pull college football starts saturday and i am nervous i cant remember a saturday in the fall i wasnt drunk

Dee74

Weekends can be tough - but not impossible.
I spent Friday to Sunday night wasted for 20 years - now I never think of it.

However tough that first weekend can be, we can and do get past it.

Make sure you have a plan for sober activities in non drinking places, and in case you run in trouble, have an emergency plan.

D

stephnc

Congratulations on your 30 days, that's awesome! I thought I'd point out the obvious here: no matter what happens or how you're feeling, DON'T pick up that first drink or drug. You can do this. Go to meetings, post here...as often as you need to...call your sponsor and other people in the program. Think about how great it's going to feel when you pass that 35 day mark and you've stayed clean and sober...start a new thread here when you get to 35 days and we'll celebrate with you! Best wishes to you,

Stephanie

tormentedmirror

One day at a time, right? Get through today. Don't worry about tomorrow until it's here.