doubts about sobriety
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: virginia
Posts: 13
doubts about sobriety
So I haven't been on this forum for awhile now. My ABF is currently serving 30 days for a DUI. Before he was incarcerated he wore an alcohol bracelet. He managed to stay sober 64 days prior to court. Once he was sentenced, he had the bracelet taken off and had about a week before he was incarcerated. During that time he drank each time he was on his own. We live separate homes and each time he was alone he got drunk. Now he is in jail for few more weeks. I believe his sobriety was totally about protecting himself to avoid jail time. He says that is not the case but the history shows me different. Once he gets out, I don't know what to do. Guess just gotta wait and see how he handles it. I suspect the drinking is gonna start again. Just sucks though. I get pulled into the fantasy that he is gonna stop.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Hi,
I'm Pelican and I am a recovering alcoholic.
I was able to stay sober for numerous reasons, when I wanted to. I knew in the back of my mind I would get to drink again later. As an active alcoholic, my greatest fear was staying sober forever. I couldn't do forever.
That was then.
Now I choose to live the rest of my life sober.
Your boyfriend will have to choose sobriety. It was forced on him while incarcerated. It was his best option in avoiding jail previously. Next it will have to be his choice to continue sobriety.
What about you?
What are you doing to take care of you now, and when he is released, and if he relapses?
I was living with an active alcoholic when I got serious with my recovery. I had to make a plan for staying sober, a plan for learning to take care of myself, and a plan for not allowing my life to be controlled by my partners drinking.
I learned about taking better care of myself and setting personal boundaries through Alanon and here at SR.
How can we help you?
I'm Pelican and I am a recovering alcoholic.
I was able to stay sober for numerous reasons, when I wanted to. I knew in the back of my mind I would get to drink again later. As an active alcoholic, my greatest fear was staying sober forever. I couldn't do forever.
That was then.
Now I choose to live the rest of my life sober.
Your boyfriend will have to choose sobriety. It was forced on him while incarcerated. It was his best option in avoiding jail previously. Next it will have to be his choice to continue sobriety.
What about you?
What are you doing to take care of you now, and when he is released, and if he relapses?
I was living with an active alcoholic when I got serious with my recovery. I had to make a plan for staying sober, a plan for learning to take care of myself, and a plan for not allowing my life to be controlled by my partners drinking.
I learned about taking better care of myself and setting personal boundaries through Alanon and here at SR.
How can we help you?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 103
Welcome to SR!
I would suggest that you take the next 30 days while he is incarcerated to really think about your life.. what are your plans? what do you want? how will you get there?.... in other words do some goal setting.
This is your life.
For the most part: You have the choice of who is going to be in your life, who you trust, who you love.
I am working very hard on ridding myself of people who only bring me down, who use me, who bring nothing to enhance my well being. It is hard, but I am sleeping better at night and feeling better about myself everyday.
I would suggest that you take the next 30 days while he is incarcerated to really think about your life.. what are your plans? what do you want? how will you get there?.... in other words do some goal setting.
This is your life.
For the most part: You have the choice of who is going to be in your life, who you trust, who you love.
I am working very hard on ridding myself of people who only bring me down, who use me, who bring nothing to enhance my well being. It is hard, but I am sleeping better at night and feeling better about myself everyday.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
If you figure that your ABF stopping drinking and really embracing recovery is just a dream, and one you don't want to be pulled into yet again....then dig your heels in and refuse to be dragged. I felt I had been hauled into my RABF's many promised quitting times, til I realised I had NOT been dragged at all, just followed him with hope each time.
When I was finally tired of the same rotten results of relapse and back to square one again, of being disappointed and upset over and over, then I dug my heels in, said NO and left him to it. No more nursing him thru DT's, shakes, vomit, or paying out his debts for a "fresh start", and no more broken promises to hurt me.
You get dragged in to the nightmare, if you stand there and let them lead you back in, but if you turn and walk away, you are free......they are too busy doing their thing with the addiction to go chasing you.
Here is the chance of you doing something good for YOU, to define what you want and need, to read up on the future you could have with him drinking, or without that hassle and free to tend your own life and dreams.
Grab it with both hands, and learn all you can about this disaster of a life and what you need to do to avoid being sucked in.
It is entirely up to you.
God bless
When I was finally tired of the same rotten results of relapse and back to square one again, of being disappointed and upset over and over, then I dug my heels in, said NO and left him to it. No more nursing him thru DT's, shakes, vomit, or paying out his debts for a "fresh start", and no more broken promises to hurt me.
You get dragged in to the nightmare, if you stand there and let them lead you back in, but if you turn and walk away, you are free......they are too busy doing their thing with the addiction to go chasing you.
Here is the chance of you doing something good for YOU, to define what you want and need, to read up on the future you could have with him drinking, or without that hassle and free to tend your own life and dreams.
Grab it with both hands, and learn all you can about this disaster of a life and what you need to do to avoid being sucked in.
It is entirely up to you.
God bless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: virginia
Posts: 13
thanks to everyone for their posts. Yes, I do have plans. I start nursing school mid October and am trying to take care of me. I totally get that he has to do what works for him. I think these past few weeks have helped me to see that I need to separate myself from the drama in order to save my sanity. He gets out of jail this coming Friday so we are gonna sit down at some point and have a conversation. I am gonna tell him my boundaries and also I need to set a time frame for myself. Not quite sure yet to be 3 or 6 months but at some point if there is no recovery, there will be no relationship. I have already waited over two years for things to change.
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