made it through the week
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Levittown Pennsylvania
Posts: 264
made it through the week
My daughter and I went to DisneyWorld last week and left my AH at home with the dog (he could not get off from work). He was just 68 days sober the day we left, yet I did not look back. In truth, I simply did not worry about whether he would stay sober or not. I had no interest in trying to 'prevent' his drinking. If anything, I was glad to leave it to him and see what happened. I did not want to adjust my plans because of fear.
Well, he made it. And it has really impressed me. He didn't use any excuses of my being away to allow himself to slip. And I feel, in part, that my attitude has helped in that. I never gave any indication that a slip would even possibly occur simply because I was away.
But I did have a slip of my own. We spoke once or twice each day while I was gone. Not real often, like old days, because I had no longer the need to check up on him. It was very relaxing to not worry, I must say.
But on Sunday when he answered I recognized the background noise as his favorite pub. We have agreed we still go to our pool league each week on Thursdays which is in the pub, and he has not had problems because of that. But I didn't expect him to be there on Sunday (I had just left Saturday) and I got upset. Turns out he was just there to watch football with friends because we usually did that together and he was very lonely. He did not drink and I should have been proud. He had no idea I'd be upset and offered to leave immediately. But I didn't get to comprehend that part until after going through tons of emotions and panic in my head about him being there. I soon began to hate that I gave him a hard time about it, and I felt that horrible guilt of having slipped. I told him "No, stay, I am just panicking because him being at that place brings back all the old memories and hurts." He said OK but he would leave shortly anyway. He didn't want it to be a strain on the marriage we just repaired.
To be honest, the next few days I was a little worried. I spoke to him once and a friend was at the house who is a huge drinker and drug user. I felt that panic again but this time didn't say much. I know he knew I was worried though, because I called again soon after and he said it felt like I was checking up on him. He got a little annoyed with my lack of faith.
Well, believe it or not, that did it for me. He was sincerely hurt that I didn't realize how serious he was about not drinking. It hit me like ice water. He was right and I was wrong. And poof, the worry disappeared again. And it stayed gone for the rest of the trip. My daughter and I had a wonderful time and we had a wonderful reunion when we got back home.
It is still hard, living day to day knowing it could be the last, but each day is a lot better when you don't sacrifice it to worry and obsession. It is nice to be able to enjoy life without altering your plans because you are trying to control someone else.
Well, he made it. And it has really impressed me. He didn't use any excuses of my being away to allow himself to slip. And I feel, in part, that my attitude has helped in that. I never gave any indication that a slip would even possibly occur simply because I was away.
But I did have a slip of my own. We spoke once or twice each day while I was gone. Not real often, like old days, because I had no longer the need to check up on him. It was very relaxing to not worry, I must say.
But on Sunday when he answered I recognized the background noise as his favorite pub. We have agreed we still go to our pool league each week on Thursdays which is in the pub, and he has not had problems because of that. But I didn't expect him to be there on Sunday (I had just left Saturday) and I got upset. Turns out he was just there to watch football with friends because we usually did that together and he was very lonely. He did not drink and I should have been proud. He had no idea I'd be upset and offered to leave immediately. But I didn't get to comprehend that part until after going through tons of emotions and panic in my head about him being there. I soon began to hate that I gave him a hard time about it, and I felt that horrible guilt of having slipped. I told him "No, stay, I am just panicking because him being at that place brings back all the old memories and hurts." He said OK but he would leave shortly anyway. He didn't want it to be a strain on the marriage we just repaired.
To be honest, the next few days I was a little worried. I spoke to him once and a friend was at the house who is a huge drinker and drug user. I felt that panic again but this time didn't say much. I know he knew I was worried though, because I called again soon after and he said it felt like I was checking up on him. He got a little annoyed with my lack of faith.
Well, believe it or not, that did it for me. He was sincerely hurt that I didn't realize how serious he was about not drinking. It hit me like ice water. He was right and I was wrong. And poof, the worry disappeared again. And it stayed gone for the rest of the trip. My daughter and I had a wonderful time and we had a wonderful reunion when we got back home.
It is still hard, living day to day knowing it could be the last, but each day is a lot better when you don't sacrifice it to worry and obsession. It is nice to be able to enjoy life without altering your plans because you are trying to control someone else.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Good for you Jessie!!! So glad that your trip was pleasant and that your husband didn't use your being gone as an excuse to fall back into old ways. I used to really hate to leave mine.....never knew what i would come come to.....i was better off not calling because if he didn't answer...the worrying started.
Don't worry about the slip....we all do it, but here is the good thing.....YOU KNEW YOU SLIPPED.......now if your like me, used to you wouldn't have even known that reaction wasn't the best thing, but now that you wiser and healthier, YOU DO!!! Yeah for you!!
Glad your home safe
Constant
Don't worry about the slip....we all do it, but here is the good thing.....YOU KNEW YOU SLIPPED.......now if your like me, used to you wouldn't have even known that reaction wasn't the best thing, but now that you wiser and healthier, YOU DO!!! Yeah for you!!
Glad your home safe
Constant
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Levittown Pennsylvania
Posts: 264
thanks - i hadn't thought of it that way
You are both so great to have pointed that out to me. I did realize it was me who was acting inappropriately, and the old me would have never seen that. Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: mass
Posts: 1,356
reply to first post
I just read the starting post and it sounds to me that you finally gave all your worries to a higher power. One of your understanding. You sound like you turned you will over. This I think is huge.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: mid-atlantic
Posts: 53
good job, jessie.
i read and heard the same things as the others...you were aware right away...that awareness is the key to change and that change is the key to serenity and peace and health.
you're doing great. i know its really hard.
i had a bad slip myself yesterday. i'm in the process of forgiving myself for it and now i can actually see that there's something i can learn from it...it can help push me forward.
hugs.
i read and heard the same things as the others...you were aware right away...that awareness is the key to change and that change is the key to serenity and peace and health.
you're doing great. i know its really hard.
i had a bad slip myself yesterday. i'm in the process of forgiving myself for it and now i can actually see that there's something i can learn from it...it can help push me forward.
hugs.
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