barb dwyer

Hello ******{everyone}}}}

It's been a long time indeed!!!

You know how they say in early recovery "don't make any plans"?

Well ... don't!

And you know how they say that they'd NEVER have imagined
the things that are happening for them
and if they had
it would have limited what The Infinite was designing?

It's true.

Everyone who knows me knows
I've been struggling for over two years with my health
and that it limited my capacity to work
and the limited work
made me homeless again and again.

Well -
the new job turned out to be a bunch of criminals
who insisted that I lie to guests ....
which of course I refused to do.
Needless to say = I was suddenly unemployed
and homeless.

I was staying at a friend's house
who was temporarily living elsewhere
and the power got cut off.
I had to go to another friend's house
to shower, and to cook.
Thank God for that woman.

I couldn't pay the car payment
had no food
no money...

and I got sick of praying.

So what I did wasn't exactly a prayer,
it was just one night,
sitting there in the dark house
beside a candle ...

and these two parts
of two different phrases
(some would say cliche's, but
I would argue now they're a conjuring
when you put the two together with action

phrases we say all the time in recovery came to me
like a broken record, over and over
the two came together

"Doing the same thing over and over"
"the only thing we have to do different, is everything."

The only thing I hadn't yet done
was now the only thing I had left.

So I thought and thought about what I would study
if I were to go to school.

And it came to me like a blast of light
I'm talking this whole ... illumination moment

Art Therapy.
The arts ... as therapy.

Using my art
combined with my communication capacity
to help those with PTSD, recovery, even brain injury.

I'm talking within HOURS
my entire life ... changed.
It's like a door opened up under my feet
and I hit this slide
doors flinging open so fast
it didn't feel REAL!



So a few hours later, I'm talking to my sponsor...
and she goes online and applys me for financial aid.
Then she applys to the college here in town.

We're just on the phone and she had her computer right there,
and said 'well let's see if you can get the financial aid".
Then she signed me up for unemployment
(I didn't have the gas in the car to get down to Job Service)
We're talking DEAD broke.

The next day:
I'm approved.
I call and make an appointment to speak to
an old friend from the bar who I know
works in admin at the college.
She tells me who to talk to.
She calls him in advance
and tells him about me.
Remember:
many of those profs came to my bar
because if you aced a category in jeopardy
I'd buy your drink!
Meanwhile-
A girl calls me from the Fellowship
shed' just gotten out of rehab
and just couldn't keep up with her house work.
She didn't trust anyone to help her
but she could trust me
she'd pay me to come help her organize her new apartment.

So I did.
While there,
I ran into another person from recovery
and SHE needed help.
And she'd pay me to come help her.
So I did.

Went to my Post Office box
and there was a letter from Section 8.
My name had finally come up.

I've waited FOUR YEARS for that Section 8.

Section 8 requires you to sign up
for what they call Vocational Rehab.
So I did.
I was approved for that.
They help with schooling; grants, loans, etc.

I liked the apartment building
I'd been cleaning the two apartments
historical building
restored to a very nice level.
So I called to see if there was any vacancies.

There was.
The manager was unbelievably helpful.
not the conniving, manipulative user I had had.
So I applied there.

Approved.

When I went to sign the papers
for the Section 8
I ran into another woman from the Fellowship.
She'd just gotten her section 8
and because she was out of work
and homeless
she'd been sent to another office
in the same building
and got the money
to pay her deposits
through some kind of program
just allocated money
by the Obama Administration
to get people who had lost their jobs
and their homes
back into housing.

So I went.
I applied.
I got approved.

All of the above happened
in the span of seven days!

I was so BUSY running from office to office
there was no TIME to look for a job!

So I went to the deposit office
to finalize the paperwork
and I spy a little sign on a door in the hall
saying "medical assistance for the homeless".

So I wrote down the number
and called them.
"Is this me now?"

It was.
Again - Obama.

I got the blood work I've not been able to afford
for three years.
I got diagnosed with a hereditary blood disorder
polycythecemia (-sp?-)

my blood is too red/too thick/and too much.

The treatment:
donate a pint of blood every month.
The point being :
The treatment for this is free!

I got a voucher to get my eyes examined at long last.
And glasses paid for up to 90.00 for the frames.

Things were and are happening so fast
there hasn't been time to doubt
or to even work up a good self-sabotage!

I took the placement tests
got immunized
(using that homeless department)
went to sessions...

all this -

After making a simple decision
after carefully but more importantly SINCERELY asking
"how can I best serve"

and following through by taking the first steps

my dear SR friends:

...I just completed my first week at Montana Tech
as a full time student
the world's oldest freshman
taking liberal Studies
and next semester
will probably declare a Major.

All this ... ALL THIS ... has occurred since the early part of June.

it has barely been 90 days!!!

I wanted to share it with you many times
but everything was just moving too fast
and I had to stay focused in the moment
to catch it all.

I had several full bore panic attacks
but this time
it was because so MUCH was going .... RIGHT...
instead of the usual everything going... WRONG...

I kept expecting some nasty person
like the ex landlord
to come and try and take it all away...
again.

LUCKILY
I had such great support from my SR friends
who I talk with on FB.
My mobile phone
won't get this site
so facebook was the only option available to me.

Yesterday
I was brought a computer
to use while I do service work.

I did the work first
but then came here to catch up.

I have no idea what I will wind up declaring as a Major,
MUCH LESS claiming anything as a Master's.
Be it Art, Psychology... or who knows what else
There's several ways I can do it.

get the degree, I mean.

From now on there's only ONE way I'm 'doing' ... everything...
and that way is ... different!!!!

I've been calling it the 'Castanza Method" of recovery...
does everyone remember that episode of Seinfeld?
Where George does everything... opposite?

(imagine the 'lmao' smiiley here - it wouldn't let me put itup)

That's not really far off from what's just happened for me.

But my advisor is pretty adamant
about it being a Masters and at least a double major.
I'm not even sure what that MEANS at the moment.
But I know for sure
I want to finish the study

... in Europe.

What the hell. I've never been.
I hear they've got some pretty cool art over there.

I mostly came back to say

HANG IN THERE!!!!!

And if somebody(or even several people)
are/is telling you that you've CHANGED ...
you're just not the person you USED to be....

that may not be a BAD thing!!!!!

Even though they are acting like it's the most horrible thing ever....

it probably ... isn't.


The only thing we have to do different ... is everything.

everything.

EVERYTHING!!!!



Blessings to all
apologies for the length of this
prayers of hope to each of you.

With Love and in Beauty,

Deb

Live

oh, YAY Barb!

and to add to your story

I lost my "home on wheels" in May
Got a FEMA check
got to decide where in the US I want to live
bought as mobile home (paid for)

in *******, TN

and am packing up to move right now!

I am tickled beside myself for you..

but don't be a stanger now!

barb dwyer

((((Live))))

Are you all married and everything now???

I'm so MORTIFIED that was so long!!! I don't blame anyone for just closing it out.
i tried to go back and cut it
but it wouldn't let me in?

LOL

SOME things... DON"T change.

ItsmeAlice

Wow, wow, wow, and wow!!! I am taken aback!!!

Your head must be spinning around like a weathervane in a monsoon right now.

So it really is true, no matter how we try to fight it, no matter how many times we dismiss the obvious truth, it really is about accepting what is, hitting bottom, and finally giving in to the great power around us and reach those hands up not in despair but in hope and forgiveness.

Forgive where you've been and accept that you can change your life, change your fate, change your path. All you have to do is stop forcing your own will onto the world around you. Look inward because it's the only thing you can control. Once you know what you want, what you need, and what you have in your heart the great universe can point you in the right direction.

Barb, I can't imagine where life is going to take you from here, but from the sound of it, you are truly ready now for the challenge.

What an inspiration and revelation you are!!!!

I'm grateful to be a part of this group where I can receive such hope and joy on a daily basis.

Thank you for posting and please post again soon so we can hear more!!

Alice

ItsmeAlice

Barb, you can't edit a force of nature, and that post was definitely a natural occuring phenomenon! I read it all twice. I wouldn't take out a word.

keepinon

I loved it..just waht I needed today!

sesh

Hi,
reading your post brought tears to my eyes and smile to my face!!!
So beautiful!
I'm so, so happy for you.

BTW That's my favorite episode of Seinfeld. So than George's doing the opposite really works!

LucyA

I'm so happy to read your post, and all the energy in there wow lol
sounds like your HP has plans for you and that you and HP know you're ready!
All the best with it Barb, you deserve it!

wanting

I'm so happy for you! I wanted to jump out of my seat and cheer everytime you mentioned another "approved." I'm so inspired and you've given me lots to think about.

fourmaggie

I know I dont know you...but hope to see more post from you sooo this is my part...

CONGRATS

TakingCharge999

It was like a small movie. I also got all teary. Beautiful story, I am so glad for you!!

coyote21

Best post I've read in ages, love, love, loved it. As far as too long, I could read posts like yours ALL DAY LONG.

Very inspirational, what a great run of the good stuff. I've had a few short runs like yours, it feels like being one with "The Force", what ever that is.

One funny thing. I've been using laughter therapy as one of the little "good to coyote" things I've been doing for myself lately.

Our library has the entire Seinfeld 9 year collection, been checking them out for free for the last month. At the very beginning of your post, I was thinking it was just what Castanza did on that one episode, "everything opposite". Then I read on, and lo and behold....too funny.

Congrats.

May the Force "stay" with you!

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

CarolD

Wow Deb......

You just made me cry.....tears of joy for you.
Forward we go....side by side

CatsPajamas

OH How fantastic! I do remember you and I'm so incredibly happy that you came back to give us your update.

Isn't it amazing how blessed your life can be if you're just faithful and do the next right thing in front of you? I have a story a bit like yours, though not quite so condensed into a week or 10 days.... LOL

Again, I'm so happy for you. I can't wait to hear what happens next!

wicked

Deb,

I read your post within a few minutes of you posting it, and pushed the thanks button.
Then, I realized I have just been sitting here, doing nothing.
I got up, got on my shoes and started to walking.
change, just change and my day has improved 100%.
thank you for posting your inspirational story,
and i am thrilled you are back.

Beth

Ainslie

Congratulations, that was the most inspiring post ive read in a long time.

Like wicked, ive just decided to go for a long walk and contemplate the ideas you've given me.

Take care and I hope to read more about how it is all going for you!

Lenina

((((barb)))))

I am so very happy for you! I've kept you in my thoughts and was hoping we'd hear from you. What great news!

Much love,

Lenina

Bucyn

How wonderful for you. It goes to show how if you get the poison out of your life, the good can flood in. Your story is like a movie of the week. Enjoy it all--it was MEANT to be.

NYC_Chick

Hi barb! I'm so happy to hear you are doing well. Huge hugs!!!!!

Impurrfect

(((Barb))) - though I knew most of this, I didn't know it all, and am so darned happy for you!!! If anyone deserved all this, it's you

As I sit here, trying to figure out what direction to go in, you inspire me. Good thing my transcripts came in from my other 2 degrees, and I can go apply for school this next week, huh?

Love you, sweetie!!!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy