I made the list, and a prayer was answered.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 674
I made the list, and a prayer was answered.
I sat myself down last night, and started a journal. Felt good. First thing I did was make that list, all the things I love about my ex RABF, and all the things he does that hurt me.
To my surprise, they were about even. I wondered about this, and I even started to question my recent decision to break it off. He is thoughtful, and generous, and loving, and smart, fun to be with...and so much more.
I have struggled today with the uncertainty, and so I just decided let it go, and hoped that my HP would bring some clarity when I was ready to receive it.
After lunch today, for some reason, I guess I just can't get enough information right now, I googled the AA Big Book, and what do you know?
Chapter 5...all the clarity I could ask for.
Yes, my RABF is gracious,and sweet, and generous, but it's self-seeking. When I don't respond by going back to where we were, he pouts, he goes off alone, then he apologizes, says he knows he has to focus on his program and be grateful for what he has, rather than upset with what he doesn't have...the flowers, the dinners, the gifts all come again, until he again is upset that it's not all "working" to get me back to being a "couple", and the isolation, and the anger, and the sadness...I know you get the picture.
Thank God for giving me the clarity I prayed for, to understand that niceness and attentiveness, if it is not given with a pure heart, with no expectations, means nothing.
To my surprise, they were about even. I wondered about this, and I even started to question my recent decision to break it off. He is thoughtful, and generous, and loving, and smart, fun to be with...and so much more.
I have struggled today with the uncertainty, and so I just decided let it go, and hoped that my HP would bring some clarity when I was ready to receive it.
After lunch today, for some reason, I guess I just can't get enough information right now, I googled the AA Big Book, and what do you know?
Chapter 5...all the clarity I could ask for.
Yes, my RABF is gracious,and sweet, and generous, but it's self-seeking. When I don't respond by going back to where we were, he pouts, he goes off alone, then he apologizes, says he knows he has to focus on his program and be grateful for what he has, rather than upset with what he doesn't have...the flowers, the dinners, the gifts all come again, until he again is upset that it's not all "working" to get me back to being a "couple", and the isolation, and the anger, and the sadness...I know you get the picture.
Thank God for giving me the clarity I prayed for, to understand that niceness and attentiveness, if it is not given with a pure heart, with no expectations, means nothing.
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