Met a recovering A today
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Met a recovering A today
I had a meeting this morning with an NPR host that's going to be interviewing me and went out to eat after.
He's in recovery, is a "lifer" as he calls it, and we had fantastic, long conversations about addiction, co-dependance, media, dysfunctional families, healthy families, medical marijuana, children, divorce and music.
We didn't agree on everything, but listened to each other and talked about how and why we disagreed. It was polite, respectful. We each came away with a different understanding of the issues we disagreed on because we listened to each other.
I know I'll see him again, we really hit it off and agreed we have much in common and should be friends. We were interrupted several times by folks stopping by to say they love his radio show, or my writing. It was weird because usually I'm the person at the table being singled out, but today it was both of us. We actually scrammed out of that little restaurant and took a walk to get away from the interruptions.
He's freaking beautiful, articulate, kind. Of course I can't help but think about what it would be like to be in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic--all though I'm well aware I have plenty of work to do on myself. I truly do want to just see what a friendship with this man looks like. Even if though does look just like Gerard Butler.
I see so much posted here about dry drunks, sneaking drinkers, etc. I don't think that's an accurate representation though obviously. He seems totally sane and self aware, but that's only after meeting him for the first time.
I think my question is: are there success stories with recovering A's out there? I only see horror stories here, but that may be because I'm not looking.
Anyway, that was my excitement for the day. Back to work I go..
He's in recovery, is a "lifer" as he calls it, and we had fantastic, long conversations about addiction, co-dependance, media, dysfunctional families, healthy families, medical marijuana, children, divorce and music.
We didn't agree on everything, but listened to each other and talked about how and why we disagreed. It was polite, respectful. We each came away with a different understanding of the issues we disagreed on because we listened to each other.
I know I'll see him again, we really hit it off and agreed we have much in common and should be friends. We were interrupted several times by folks stopping by to say they love his radio show, or my writing. It was weird because usually I'm the person at the table being singled out, but today it was both of us. We actually scrammed out of that little restaurant and took a walk to get away from the interruptions.
He's freaking beautiful, articulate, kind. Of course I can't help but think about what it would be like to be in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic--all though I'm well aware I have plenty of work to do on myself. I truly do want to just see what a friendship with this man looks like. Even if though does look just like Gerard Butler.
I see so much posted here about dry drunks, sneaking drinkers, etc. I don't think that's an accurate representation though obviously. He seems totally sane and self aware, but that's only after meeting him for the first time.
I think my question is: are there success stories with recovering A's out there? I only see horror stories here, but that may be because I'm not looking.
Anyway, that was my excitement for the day. Back to work I go..
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 32
I might be wrong but I think you are asking if there are those who recover from alcoholism? Is that correct?
I am in AA 12 years and sober 12 years. What I am have learned and have to remind myself daily is that my sobriety is based on my daily spiritual routine, working the steps, having a sponsor I work with, reaching out to new comers, heading to meetings VERY regularly and keeping my life filled with the program. I see people with upwards of 30 or more years in AA who have never picked up a drink since they came to meetings. I hand out with them and attend meetings with them. There is a huge amount of sobriety in my area and all over the world.
I have also seen people get sober without AA.
When someone is done, they are done. If someone is not ready to be done, they will go back out and drink.
I don't know if this makes sense but yes, I see people with long term sobriety on a daily basis. They are my friends and my support system.
I am in AA 12 years and sober 12 years. What I am have learned and have to remind myself daily is that my sobriety is based on my daily spiritual routine, working the steps, having a sponsor I work with, reaching out to new comers, heading to meetings VERY regularly and keeping my life filled with the program. I see people with upwards of 30 or more years in AA who have never picked up a drink since they came to meetings. I hand out with them and attend meetings with them. There is a huge amount of sobriety in my area and all over the world.
I have also seen people get sober without AA.
When someone is done, they are done. If someone is not ready to be done, they will go back out and drink.
I don't know if this makes sense but yes, I see people with long term sobriety on a daily basis. They are my friends and my support system.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Originally Posted by transformyself 
I think my question is: are there success stories with recovering A's out there? I only see horror stories here, but that may be because I'm not looking..
Dee74
DesertEyes
Coyote21
Astro
my RAXH
me
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Alexandria Township, NJ
Posts: 275
Wow Transform
He sounds HOT! (btw what is NPR?)
I think the A's that come here as part of their recovery.
But I think the friends and family come here because there is problem with a lack of recovery.
I thought up until a day ago I was part of success story turns out - not so much. Sorry that's another thread.
R
ight now there are only 56 people viewing F&F and as I have said in the past, there like 7 billion people in the world.
So it's very possible he's "good to go"
Take your time - BUT HAVE FUN!!!
He sounds HOT! (btw what is NPR?)
I think the A's that come here as part of their recovery.
But I think the friends and family come here because there is problem with a lack of recovery.
I thought up until a day ago I was part of success story turns out - not so much. Sorry that's another thread.
R
ight now there are only 56 people viewing F&F and as I have said in the past, there like 7 billion people in the world.So it's very possible he's "good to go"
Take your time - BUT HAVE FUN!!!
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Hi
I don't know exactly what I was asking. I"m having real problems sleeping and posted this in the middle of the night!
I am thrilled to see so many of my friends here are recovering A's. Don't know why I didn't know that before, I'm sorry if I overlooked the obvious. Anyone with sobriety is a walking miracle in my books. My first ex husband is recovering now for 27 years and he's one of my best friends.
Meeting this man yesterday and spending hours with him made me question what I think about A's, but of course my experience has been mostly with practicing A's and all the crazy crap that goes along with it.
He just seemed really well adjusted and like an over all good person, but anyone can in the first four hours of spending time together in a controlled environment.
NPR= National Public Radio
Suki-I'm aware that I'm attracted to him, but just want to be friends. I can't even think seriously about a romantic relationship with him, or anyone, I don't know him, so it's just basic attraction at this point.
Wanted-he's trying to sort out when to conduct the interview. I was giving him back ground information and documentation yesterday. I"ll let you know when it runs.
I don't know exactly what I was asking. I"m having real problems sleeping and posted this in the middle of the night!
I am thrilled to see so many of my friends here are recovering A's. Don't know why I didn't know that before, I'm sorry if I overlooked the obvious. Anyone with sobriety is a walking miracle in my books. My first ex husband is recovering now for 27 years and he's one of my best friends.
Meeting this man yesterday and spending hours with him made me question what I think about A's, but of course my experience has been mostly with practicing A's and all the crazy crap that goes along with it.
He just seemed really well adjusted and like an over all good person, but anyone can in the first four hours of spending time together in a controlled environment.
NPR= National Public Radio
Suki-I'm aware that I'm attracted to him, but just want to be friends. I can't even think seriously about a romantic relationship with him, or anyone, I don't know him, so it's just basic attraction at this point.
Wanted-he's trying to sort out when to conduct the interview. I was giving him back ground information and documentation yesterday. I"ll let you know when it runs.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Wild West, USA
Posts: 407
I don't know many recovering A's, but one, a music teacher of mine in college, sticks in my mind as being one of the most open, honest, and real people I knew at the time... the opposite of an active addict and a heck of a lot more self aware than the general population. What a pity that addiction has to exist in order to bring a recovering addict into the world!
I so love new friendships...they come in your life for reasons, I believe.....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 611
I guess the first question from me would be are you ready to move on so quickly to a new relationship/attraction, etc.? I'm not saying this to be harsh but someone has to ask the tough questions, right.
Even though I'm happy for you that this attractive guy has walked into your life you have and still are dealing with a tough situation with hubby now.
I'm only saying this because I figured that I could just move on from exabf (even though I have) and start dating again until I actually realized I couldn't because there was still more work on me to do. It wasn't about me still being stuck on feelings for exabf because most of those have been resolved (except the anger somedays). But I realized that to only be fair to myself that I would have to had taken some time to heal. I also realized that in dating anything looked way better than the guy I just got out of a relationship with and that wasn't good perspective either.
I had a pattern in the past of moving on too quickly and learning about my mistakes while in another relationship and that didn't help the relationship any.
Just some perspective to throw out there. Are you truly ready to get involved with another man, a recovering addict at that, even though he is hot and you want to remain friends with? Reality is that friendship may turn into something else and will you be ready for that something else with him?
Even though I'm happy for you that this attractive guy has walked into your life you have and still are dealing with a tough situation with hubby now.
I'm only saying this because I figured that I could just move on from exabf (even though I have) and start dating again until I actually realized I couldn't because there was still more work on me to do. It wasn't about me still being stuck on feelings for exabf because most of those have been resolved (except the anger somedays). But I realized that to only be fair to myself that I would have to had taken some time to heal. I also realized that in dating anything looked way better than the guy I just got out of a relationship with and that wasn't good perspective either.
I had a pattern in the past of moving on too quickly and learning about my mistakes while in another relationship and that didn't help the relationship any.
Just some perspective to throw out there. Are you truly ready to get involved with another man, a recovering addict at that, even though he is hot and you want to remain friends with? Reality is that friendship may turn into something else and will you be ready for that something else with him?
I Love Who I Am
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Are you truly ready to get involved with another man, a recovering addict at that, even though he is hot?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 611
Originally Posted by transformyself
Of course I can't help but think about what it would be like to be in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic--all though I'm well aware I have plenty of work to do on myself. I truly do want to just see what a friendship with this man looks like. Even if though does look just like Gerard Butler.
Maybe I'm just reading too much into it or being too cautious?
I don't know....either way.....you still have the perspective to continue to work on you.
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Girl, you should see this guy. My my.
Maybe I'm confusing you. Yes, he's hot and all that. Of course my mind goes to , "wonder what that would be like," but when I left him yesterday and got back home to my life, it's only clear that I dont' have the time, emotional stability or whatever it takes for a freaking boyfriend. Not even one that looks like a movie star. Perhaps especially one that looks like a movie star!
I think my question too was about recovering A's. There have to be "normies" walking around that aren't basket cases. He sure seems together.
Best scenario--we continue our professional relationship and become friends.
Does that explain it better? Thanks for checking in.
Maybe I'm confusing you. Yes, he's hot and all that. Of course my mind goes to , "wonder what that would be like," but when I left him yesterday and got back home to my life, it's only clear that I dont' have the time, emotional stability or whatever it takes for a freaking boyfriend. Not even one that looks like a movie star. Perhaps especially one that looks like a movie star!
I think my question too was about recovering A's. There have to be "normies" walking around that aren't basket cases. He sure seems together.
Best scenario--we continue our professional relationship and become friends.
Does that explain it better? Thanks for checking in.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 685
I'm with you, 'URMYEVERYTHING', as I gathered the same feelings. Maybe we're off, who knows.
Transform.. it seems to me that you could be slightly in denial.. you SAY you don't want a romantic relationship, but the thoughts are obviously flowing through your mind..
Transform.. it seems to me that you could be slightly in denial.. you SAY you don't want a romantic relationship, but the thoughts are obviously flowing through your mind..
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Glad you met a good man. Perhaps it is a gift so you can imagine "what could be" for you, in the good sense, in terms of equality in a partner. A partner who is indeed a partner in life and is equal to you in interest for self growth, hard working, a public figure, intelectually challenging. Not that it is necessarily HIM but just a good example is enough for us to imagine different things for ourselves and perhaps take the steps to open up to that possibility.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 685
sorry, I was interrupted while writing before.
I don't mean to come across as rude, but it seems to me that you don't want to admit to yourself the true nature of your feelings right now. If he were simply, JUST A FRIEND.. I highly doubt you'd be questioning all of this. It just seems like you're hoping it could lead to a more romantic relationship. Like I said, I could be wrong.. but maybe you should question your true intentions/motives here?
I don't mean to come across as rude, but it seems to me that you don't want to admit to yourself the true nature of your feelings right now. If he were simply, JUST A FRIEND.. I highly doubt you'd be questioning all of this. It just seems like you're hoping it could lead to a more romantic relationship. Like I said, I could be wrong.. but maybe you should question your true intentions/motives here?
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Originally Posted by transformyself
.
Best scenario--we continue our professional relationship and become friends.
Does that explain it better? Thanks for checking in.
Best scenario--we continue our professional relationship and become friends.
Does that explain it better? Thanks for checking in.
She also explains her current perspective. (see above quote)
Time for everyone to talk a walk around the block and take a few deep breaths.
Let's get back to what works best: Sharing our Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H)
Best wishes to you T on the upcoming interview.
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Thanks Pelican.
And congratulations on your sobriety!
I have to admit, I feel a different sort of respect for you folks here now that I know you're sober too. AND codie. Walking miracles, considering how sneaky addiction is.
And congratulations on your sobriety!
I have to admit, I feel a different sort of respect for you folks here now that I know you're sober too. AND codie. Walking miracles, considering how sneaky addiction is.
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