tmbg

The *last* withdrawl is over. I've been lurking here for months, quitting, relapsing, drinking less, and now, finally quit for good. For anyone thinking that drinking again is a good idea, well, I'm another shining example of the adage, "It doesn't get better."

I was completely ashamed to admit that I really *was* totally powerless over alcohol.

I stopped seeing friends and stayed at home, drinking vodka. Drunk when I woke up and going strong all day for six months straight.

The last few months were efforts to quit that resulted in few days of sweating, shaking hands, intense anxiety/depression and general withdrawl symptoms, and then giving in yet again to thinking that it would be ok or, worse, not caring.

The worst is knowing the minute that you start drinking that it's a total mistake but doing it anyway.

A broken foot, a bruised face, passing out on the garage floor, memory loss, knowing that my daughter was old enough to know what I was doing...none of that stopped me.

Reading SR, though, kept me thinking that there was hope even in relapse mode. I'd read Sleepie's posts (and others) and see my own struggle. I started to drink less only to find that six days ago, after a few days of withdrawl, that I could black out on only a six-pack of beer! Epiphany time.

Never again. I did 30 days last fall in AA and will return this week, dragging my sorry tail behind me. It's painfully clear that I'll never be able to do this without the support of others who know the horror of addiction.

So thank you SR community. I couldn't be at day six without you.

Jabbadabutt

keep on keeping on !!!!

tmbg

Well, I'm taking my daughter to the Justin Bieber concert tonight...so drinking isn't an option. It's really a drag, though, to still be feeling "out-of-it." Need desperately to get my body, mind, and soul back into shape!

lildawg

You can do this. Keeping your quit is easier than facing quitting again. If you've reached the point you know you're powerless, you've come a long way toward never having to quit again. Best to you.

tmbg

Just seeing your replies helps. It's been amazing to see how drinking made me so isolated because I didn't want anyone to see my the way I was.

Anna

Welcome!

I was totally isolated at the end of my drinking days.

I had given up all my activities, stopped answering the phone, cut off all my friends. All I wanted was to be left alone to drink. How awful!

Just know that there is hope and you can do this!

LexieCat

WB.

I'm sure the last few months have been hell. I hope you get to that meeting ASAP. The sooner you get down to business the sooner you'll feel better.

tmbg

Anna, that's exactly how I was--even afraid to answer the door.

The awful thing was that I didn't start drinking until I was later in life, so I could easily look back and see how far downhill my life had gone. Ugh. Not even bothering to shower. Sobering up enough to shower only because my supply ran out and a drive to re-stock was necessary. What a non-life.

Kitey

I hope you can do it this time round, you are not suffering alone, we are all here because of the same reasons and the support here is amazing!

Gettingoff drinkis the best thing I have done even though its early days for me, wish I'ddone it along time ago.

Keep with it and keep posting, you wont regret it, we are all here for you x

jamdls

Congratulations TMBG on making a great decision. You never have to be alone in this struggle, SR is a great place and there are people here 24/7. Give your daughter the parent she deserves.

Dee74

Congratulations tmbg - it's great to see the hope in your post
I hope the irritability and fogginess dissipate soon.

D

tmbg

Well, that is my main consideration. I kept thinking that I was simply falling into my mother's pattern as she also turned to alcohol later in life.

Fandy

If it helps you to know, I felt pretty much the same way in January and early February...the days ran into eachother....once coming out of my haze, i realized I hadn't been out of the house in 5 days except to put out the trash which is exactly the way I FELT. (nor had i showered~YUCK)

congrats on Day 6, you will feel physically feel better soon. I do suggest that you schedule an appt. with your PC doc. so he/she can order up some bloodwork to see where you are at.

eremc08

good for you for 6 days and realizing you can't have just that one drink again. I'm only on day 7 and I keep thinking in the back of my mind.. I wonder if you really CAN train yourself to be a social drinker. Reading other people's stories opens my eyes. It's just not in the cards for us. So thank you for your story I'm a mother also and my oldest is 13.. I know he knew I was drinking and acting like a nutjob. I'm glad my kids have their mom back. I just want to stay this way.

Welcome and keep posting here!! So much support!

artsoul

big congrats for coming back and trying again.

I didn't start drinking on a regular basis until I was in my mid-thirties, but it was more about circumstances than anything else. I probably showed some alcoholic tendencies early on - but staying at home with children gave me a chance to up the ante.

Don't forget to take things one day at a time and be patient with the process. Each day will get a little bit better, but there will be dips and bends in the road along the way. I'm on SR all the time because I enjoy it, but because I need it too. It keeps me focused and grateful for my sober time.

All the best to you - if we can do it, you can too!:ghug3