RABF clean for 21 months!

Old 08-25-2010, 12:18 PM
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RABF clean for 21 months!

I know I came on here a couple of months ago with all kinds of doubts, but it looks like RABF really has been clean for 21 months. He was drug tested yesterday for a new job, and passed. He is excited about having been clean for so long. He sounds really proud of himself, and I think he should be!

I have been trying to keep my focus on myself. It's not always easy. When I start obsessing about his behavior, I try to remember to focus on my own behavior. I have been doing really well in school, and that is important to me. My next been goal is to work on my credit rating. I can be slow about making payments. I really want to get better organized when it comes to financial stuff. As of right now, my credit is pretty crappy.

Sometimes, it is hard not to remind RABF to do things. You know, like when he forgets to eat breakfast. Or, if he doesn't get his stuff ready the night before he has to do something early in the morning. I'm just trying to have confidence that it is his stuff, and he will do what he needs to do. I then try to remember my own school work, my job, my finances...the things that I should be focused on. The number one thing I try to remember is let go and let God. I try to focus on the fact that he is in God's hands, and is God's responsibility, not mine. It definitely is a one day at a time thing for me!
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Old 08-25-2010, 08:08 PM
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Then the bird said 'Nevermore'
 
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I am very happy for the both of you It sounds like things are looking upwards and that is great news. I know sometimes it can feel like you are moving slowly but the important thing is that you ARE moving! It sounds like you have gained a great understanding of your healthy and unhealthy behaviors, what more can you ask for than that!
Continue on your path of mutual respect and self loving

xoxo
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Old 08-25-2010, 09:24 PM
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A few weeks ago, I got really lost in the woods. It seemed like I would never get out, and that I would walk forever. However, I realized at some point that the keys were to not panic and to take one step at a time. I truly wasn't going to get out of the woods without taking each step. It's funny because those are the same things that I have learned from this website. When things start to look awful, I try to remember those two key thoughts: don't panic, and one step at a time.

His being clean for a long time makes me worry--you know, what if he relapses, etc. I am an expert at worrying. I am trying to change that pattern and starting to focus on enjoying each moment. Rather than constantly focusing on the destination, I'm trying to focus on the journey.

I'll have to say that I've found the most satisfaction from my accomplishments. Rather than focusing on how I'm going to control RABF's behavior, I try to focus on how I would live my life if he didn't have a drug addiction. If I didn't have his drug problem to worry about, I would go to class and focus on my studying. So, I guess I'm working on "Fake it until you make it." Another thing for me to focus on is work. My schoolwork is to make my job situation better. However, I'd also like to learn how to make my present job situation more pleasant. That's part of the "living in the moment" stuff that I'd like to work on.
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Old 08-25-2010, 09:49 PM
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Then the bird said 'Nevermore'
 
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I relate to so much of what you are saying! I know that when I was so wrapped up in the day to day life of my addict - what I thought was 'helping' him, making sure he had a good day, making sure he was 'happy', making sure he was not sick, that somewhere along the way I lost all sight of MY life and my wellness. When I would take the time and focus on what I needed to do, clean my act up, make sure my bills were paid, focusing on my friends and my family, I felt a sense of accomplishment too! How strange is that? Doing things for myself and my well being were taking a back seat to his lifestyle and his consequences. Sometimes we forget to take care of ourselves. But how are we ever going to have the strength to be a HEALTHY support for anyone else if we do not take the steps to become healthy for ourselves first?

It is an amazing feeling when we are able to realize this and truly be honest with ourselves about our behavior in the past. Because it IS in the past right? Never again should we allow ourselves to be so clouded in codependency that we lose sight of what makes us unique and powerful and not just another slave to addiction.

With the support of this forum - we have all come so far we learn we explore and when we become weak we are now filled with the knowledge that we have the true strength to keep going!

Keep living in the moment

xoxo
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Old 08-26-2010, 09:31 AM
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((Bluebelle))

Congrats to your ABF and to you!!!

sounds like recovery is alive and well in both of you!!! what a wonderful post!!

Thanks for sharing with us and thanks for keeping us posted on how y'all are doing!!

Love the lost in the woods analogy - great way to relate it to living one step at a time - one moment at a time!!!!!

PINK HUGS,
Rita
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Old 08-26-2010, 04:43 PM
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Japic, Thanks! BTW, being lost in the woods wasn't just an analogy. I really did get lost. However, the keys to getting "unlost" were similar to what I needed to know in real life. I wouldn't purposely make myself lost again, but I appreciate what I learned from the experience.

Summer, Thanks for understanding my sense of accomplishment & your encouragement! It's nice to have a bit of a reward for all the hard work. Some things seem longer to come to fruition than others!
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