lightseeker

I was listening to GMA just now and heard Elin Woods' quote about the ending of marriage...."without trust and love what is the point?"

Trust sure is difficult to rebuild once it has been broken. And even then, the fact that it ever was broken never goes away. When you know what a person is capable of do you ever really lower your guard with them again? And with those walls up is the relationship able to be what I truly want?

I honestly don't sit around and worry about whether my husband will cheat on me or go out and use. Part of the reason that I don't is because I have done a lot of work on myself and now trust that no matter what he should do or not do that I will be fine. That awareness has helped defuse a whole lot of the worry.

But......there is also the awareness that my guard (boundaries?) is really up around him on some level. That probably has a lot to do with the awareness of the cunning nature of addiction and all that any addict has is "today".

Maybe it's not that I don't trust the addict.....it's actually that I know not to trust the disease.

URMYEVERYTHING

So true Lightseeker. Well spoken. The addiction comes with no guarantees and that's the scary part of it. Brings me back to reality when I have those thoughts of getting back with exabf even though he seems to be doing well. Oh well, gotta keep it movin.

liesagain

thank you

oshkoshberjosh

Trust is very important. When I found out that the addict guy I was romantically involved with was going on dating sites behind my back, it finally hit me that there is no trust. I do not trust him. That has really helped me to keep pushing forward in my own life.

Kindeyes

I love that. It is such a simple statement but it says so much. It's so darn good, it's another one that's going up on my refridgerator! Thank you for sharing that very simple but powerful thought.

gentle hugs

zbear23

Dr. Bob Smith suggested that we need to Trust God and Help others....not the other way around.

blessings
zenbear

itisatruth

I'm glad you said this because that's what I was thinking when I started to read your post. It has taken a LONG time but I finally found my own strength and have learned to trust in myself and my ability to make good, healthy choices if a relapse ever happens with my RAH. Every once in a while I will get a glimpse of what it was - random things that bring a certain event/time to mind - what things were like when he was using - and even though they are not happy thoughts, I need them because they remind me of where I NEVER want to be again.

Ann

Good thoughts here, lightseeker, and I agree that the disease steals any trust we may have.

Trust takes a long time to rebuild, and it has nothing to do with forgiveness. It is a deep wound that takes time to heal, and a wound that many relationships cannot survive.

Hugs to all you who have struggled with trusting a partner.