a fallen man

yesterday was a great day for me. it wouldn't have been possible if i were still drinking.

first off.....my boss came back yesterday....we had a guy who had been 'acting' in the position and i have tee shirts older than him. he was a smart kid but there was so much he didn't know it really hurt him. the fact that he didn't know that he didn't know hurt him even worse.

so i put in my 9 at work. in the old days i would have had a shot before i left the parking lot. just s.o.p.

i didn't. instead i went out to work on a house i'm refurbishing for my 23 year old son and his soon to be wife. by myself....music playing and i was doing electrical work and flooring from 4:30 til 6:15.

flew home for a few minutes and grabbed a battery charger. my son had vehicle problems at lunch yesterday and had to leave the car at a wendy's while his gf drove him back to work.

i went to pick up my son as he was due to get off by 7:00. talked to him and he was running behind to the tune of 30 minutes. the old me would have been pissed off as i would be putting off my drinking that long or drinking in my car while i waited and risking a dui. i just chilled and read a novel i brought with me (i know my son and came prepared...lol)

we met his gf at wendy's and jumped the car....it started right up. would not at lunch at all. i put the charger in his backseat with an extension cord i brought. his gf thanked me and apologized for me having to get out.

i told her, when you're a dad you do things to help your children and it was no big deal.

as i drove home with my windows down enjoying the cooling air and listening to music i reflected on how happy i was. not agitated and craving my vodka.

when i was drinking i hated doing anything that got in the way of me slamming vodka until pass out time. even helping my kids. that is embarrassing to admit but it was true....vodka came first.

to any newcomer reading this....i was absolutely you one year ago come september 8th. my life has changed immeasurably since i stopped drinking. i am such a better person for the ones i love.

one line of thought i used to have was 'well, they'll be taken well care of because i have a sheetload of insurance'.....but insurance wouldn't have helped start my son's car or help remodel a home for him. thanks to all that make this site possible.

LaFemme

Great post Man!

Thanks!

Fandy

I enjoyed reading that posting...I wish I had a father like you. you are enjoying all the perks of sobriety.

NEOMARXIST

Hey man! What a fantastic post!! I'm so pleased that you're embracing your sobriety and recovery so much. The fantastic thing about it is that the great positive side-effects of recovery are to those close to us ie- Your son and daughter in law etc.

It's really great that you are able to see the rewards of the sober life and you show a great level of gratitude for your recovery. Gratitude inevitably leads to contented and happy recovery.

I'm glad things are going so well for you mate.

Nice one. From your "big-Bro" haha.

Peace

Chloe60

What a good story. Somehow it reminds me that my favorite part about not drinking is being able to kiss my kids goodnight.

a fallen man

i was not a heavy drinker until around 01.

so i didn't affect my oldest son (23) as much as my youngest (18) but it did impact them.

i wasn't the violent, come home and smack up the house drunk. i was just the fall asleep (pass out) on the sofa drunk. the nonexistant father.

if something was required of me, i did it. but it was with anxiousness that it was keeping me away from my vodka. what a sick, sick way to live.

i know i can't make up for those lost years and i'll not dwell on them. that said, i need to be the best person i can be for them from here on out.

even tho' my oldest is 23 i can still do things he has no idea how to do like wire houses and replace walls and floors. i'm just glad i'm still around to be able to help him with these things.

i honestly could probably write a 'yesterday was a great day' every single day now. even if it sucked at work....and who doesn't have suck days at work sometimes.

i wanted to write this last night but was a little tired and almost didn't write it today but i need to share with folks how great it can be.

david.

p.s. neo....as long as you're my big bro and i'm still not drinking i'm happy for both of us amigo.

Dee74

Thanks for that David. A brilliant post and great story

D

recycle

Yeah David, I was the "sleepie" dad too. It was a ****** thing to do to them, but better than the 2x4 dad like mine could be. Oh well, no regrets eh? With a bit of luck and grace we will have 40 or 50 years to make amends.

artsoul

What a moving story, and sooooo true. There's nothing like being able to pay attention to our children without having that craving driving us crazy in the back of our minds. I wanted a drink this afternoon, but no more. I'm glad I read your post, because I needed the reminder. Clear heart and head=love in our lives. It's great to be able to give again.

bbr

Awsome post AFM. I know where you're coming from. Life is so much better without the alcohol and the constant need to get that next drink.

BBR

a fallen man

thanks to everyone for the kind words.

the favorite thing i have learned from this site is to ask myself 'would drinking make this better'

it doesn't matter if the question is to bake chocolate chip cookies or wire a house with cat5 cable......the answer is always NO.

i live by that little nugget now. the great thing is....i don't even have to ask myself that hardly ever anymore.

the desire is just not there. every once in awhile i'll hear a song that reminds me of drinking and i'll have a momentary trigger but they are few and far between now that i'm coming up on one year.

Ghostly

Congrats on your new life...and the almost year. You are an inspiration! Thanks for the posts.