I don't sleep
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 15
I don't sleep
I dont sleep
or eat
or cry
i'm forgetful
i'm distracted
i'm apathetic
i'm paranoid
i'm confused
i'm wondering if i did the right thing by leaving him. i haven't heard from him in three days but that seems like a lifetime. we used to talk all day everyday. and if we ever fought about anything, or if i ever broke things off, he would be running back to me. but i haven't heard from him.
why do i want him to?
so he can hurt me more, deceive, manipulate and lie to me more?
his work is by my house and i haven't seen him there at all this week. my mind is really starting to wonder what is going on. this isn't normal for him. i've come to two conclusions. 1. he decided to check himself into rehab like he had been talking about lately or 2. he has decided that since i'm not around anymore he can do whatever the eff he wants. i miss him. i am being such a codependent right now. it was a huge deal for me to leave him, and decide to go no contact. but now i'm in an even worse position. i want to call him, and see what is going on. see if he answers...
someone please knock me on the head and tell me how unreasonable and ridiculous i'm being.
or eat
or cry
i'm forgetful
i'm distracted
i'm apathetic
i'm paranoid
i'm confused
i'm wondering if i did the right thing by leaving him. i haven't heard from him in three days but that seems like a lifetime. we used to talk all day everyday. and if we ever fought about anything, or if i ever broke things off, he would be running back to me. but i haven't heard from him.
why do i want him to?
so he can hurt me more, deceive, manipulate and lie to me more?
his work is by my house and i haven't seen him there at all this week. my mind is really starting to wonder what is going on. this isn't normal for him. i've come to two conclusions. 1. he decided to check himself into rehab like he had been talking about lately or 2. he has decided that since i'm not around anymore he can do whatever the eff he wants. i miss him. i am being such a codependent right now. it was a huge deal for me to leave him, and decide to go no contact. but now i'm in an even worse position. i want to call him, and see what is going on. see if he answers...
someone please knock me on the head and tell me how unreasonable and ridiculous i'm being.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
OH I remember those first days. I thought I would lose my mind! I had been so very eager to be DONE with him and his bs and all the crazy-making that goes along with living with an A.... but I had no idea what to do with myself once all of the chaos was gone. There was this big empty place in my life that I needed to fill. And gads I was lonely.
My Al Anon sponsor told me that going cold turkey away from him was like an addict going cold turkey from his drug. She suggested that I make a list of things to do when I was missing him... places I could go, people I could call etc. She also had me make a list of the reasons I ended the relationship, as she warned me I might start to "forget" all of the bad stuff and romanticize the good stuff. Smart woman, that sponsor, because I found that I second guessed myself about a hundred times. Did I do the right thing? Did he miss me? Maybe it wasn't so bad after all. I was glad I had lined up some good recovery friends whom I could call or email when I was feeling low and lonely and vulnerable.
It gets better, but it takes time. Be extra gentle with yourself and know that you are making healthy choices for yourself. There is light and life on the other side... at least there was for me.
My Al Anon sponsor told me that going cold turkey away from him was like an addict going cold turkey from his drug. She suggested that I make a list of things to do when I was missing him... places I could go, people I could call etc. She also had me make a list of the reasons I ended the relationship, as she warned me I might start to "forget" all of the bad stuff and romanticize the good stuff. Smart woman, that sponsor, because I found that I second guessed myself about a hundred times. Did I do the right thing? Did he miss me? Maybe it wasn't so bad after all. I was glad I had lined up some good recovery friends whom I could call or email when I was feeling low and lonely and vulnerable.
It gets better, but it takes time. Be extra gentle with yourself and know that you are making healthy choices for yourself. There is light and life on the other side... at least there was for me.
work in progress
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
"...going cold turkey away from him was like an addict going cold turkey from his drug."
This is so true.
When I first separated from Mr. Sofa I was wrecked with ALL KINDS of Codie Detox symptoms. I actually posted daily threads of my experience. I just recently read back over them to remind myself of what I went through.
Here are My symptoms on DAY 4 of him being gone:
cold & sweaty palms
racing heart
unable to concentrate
starting one task and jumping to another
lethargy
loss of appetite
body temperature fluctuates
insomnia
bouts of crying
bouts of anger
anxious (anxiety)
procrastination
overuse of the computer
avoidance
talking to yourself out loud (which can be quite funny when your in the car)
By day 6 I was starting to feel a little less like TEXAS was sitting on my chest.
Hang in there! You WILL get through this.... you just have to GO THROUGH IT so you can find your way out.
Day at a time, hour at a time, minute at a time. I pretty much LIVED on here until I started getting my strength back.
Thankful to have SR.
This is so true.
When I first separated from Mr. Sofa I was wrecked with ALL KINDS of Codie Detox symptoms. I actually posted daily threads of my experience. I just recently read back over them to remind myself of what I went through.
Here are My symptoms on DAY 4 of him being gone:
cold & sweaty palms
racing heart
unable to concentrate
starting one task and jumping to another
lethargy
loss of appetite
body temperature fluctuates
insomnia
bouts of crying
bouts of anger
anxious (anxiety)
procrastination
overuse of the computer
avoidance
talking to yourself out loud (which can be quite funny when your in the car)
By day 6 I was starting to feel a little less like TEXAS was sitting on my chest.
Hang in there! You WILL get through this.... you just have to GO THROUGH IT so you can find your way out.
Day at a time, hour at a time, minute at a time. I pretty much LIVED on here until I started getting my strength back.
Thankful to have SR.
Then the bird said 'Nevermore'
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 116
HEY KELLE!
You are going to make it! You are going to be FINE! And you know what else? You are going to be SO MUCH better than you have ever been - you are going to have the knowledge and experience that you never would have been able to get without going through a trial such as this. I know it's hard. I know it feels like it's not going to ever come back together - but it will girl... ohhhh it will!
Just as an addict looks at his/her drug for INSTANT GRATIFICATION - we as codependents need that same instant gratification that things are okay again. But it takes some time. You are moving forward, I know it seems like you are going no where, but you are taking great steps towards your happiness, I CAN SEE IT
Keep your head up girl, occupy your time with things that YOU love to do, and I'm here if you need me!
xoxo
You are going to make it! You are going to be FINE! And you know what else? You are going to be SO MUCH better than you have ever been - you are going to have the knowledge and experience that you never would have been able to get without going through a trial such as this. I know it's hard. I know it feels like it's not going to ever come back together - but it will girl... ohhhh it will!
Just as an addict looks at his/her drug for INSTANT GRATIFICATION - we as codependents need that same instant gratification that things are okay again. But it takes some time. You are moving forward, I know it seems like you are going no where, but you are taking great steps towards your happiness, I CAN SEE IT
Keep your head up girl, occupy your time with things that YOU love to do, and I'm here if you need me!
xoxo
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 52
When I read your post I related to all your behaviors, but for me they aren't just the symptoms I've experienced since I've been recently separated from my AS. They are the symptoms I've had since I stepped onto the runaway train of his addiction with him. Over the past couple of years living with his deceptions, manipulations, mood swings, crises, even before I knew what his problem was, I started detaching from my own life. I became immobilized by his problems. The only answer is to stop being co-dependent and start reclaiming my life. Excuses begone! It's hard to let go, but you've gotta find ways to fill the void with things that will be helpful to you to start your path to recovery for yourself. Even small steps in the right direction will get you where you want to go eventually. Good luck.
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