scsmiles99

It's been a few years, a little more than 3 to be exact since I was actively visiting these forums. Learning, interacting, posting. Things got better for a while and I kind of pulled myself out of the really bad place. Luckily I've managed to stay off the drugs (for the most part) but the weekend binging (and subsequent embarassing consequences) has continued, and at times the drinking is worse than ever before.

I have so much to live for, yet I can't seem to put the bottle down come Friday night. This past weekend I was very publically intoxicated and had a black out. I am more mortified, I've had them before but when I hear the stories the next day, I just feel totally disgusted with myself. We've all done stupid, terrible, inconsiderate, dangerous, etc...things when we've been drunk, but that is no excuse and I never want to feel this way again.

I still haven't gone to a single AA meeting, I don't know why I am so afraid to do so. Partly, I'd prefer an all female group and the only one I can find in my area meets at 2 PM each day. That's not an option for me with my job, I could use some help finding meetings in my area.

I could use some guidance, a jumping off point, something....anything. I am back here because it helped so much the first time around and I'm hoping with a little support and some gumption of my own, I'll get it together again.

Anna

Hi and Welcome back,

I'm glad you are here seeking support. And, you seem to be experiencing the fact that alcoholism is a progressive disease, so it's great that you recognize that.

Is it possible that there are Smart meetings in your area that are all female? I have not done Smart or AA, but the main thing is that you find something that works for you. For me, I had to reconnect with my spiritual self in order to find a purpose to continue living. Since Friday nights and weekends are a trigger for you, my advice would be to shake up your routine a lot. Plan things on your weekend that don't involve drinking. Try sports, volunteer work, a class, anything that helps to take your mind off drinking.

GettingStronger2

Well, I'll tell you, I have been to women's meetings and non. . .I don't really like the women's meetings. I still go occasionally. . .I don't think that is a reason to avoid AA. Just try different meetings that fit your schedule. You never know which one you will like.

LaFemme

Maybe look into a group called "Women for Sobriety" I read about them once...I think they do meetings too.

Dee74

Welcome back scsmiles

I think, if we can't stop ourselves, we need to look to external support - coming here, and coming here regularly, is good...looking into a recovery programme is also a good idea.

There are many options - these are just a few.
I hope you'll find something useful here

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

D

LexieCat

Frankly, I haven't cared for the all-women's meetings I've gone to. I think I like the mix of perspectives in mixed meetings.

I certainly wouldn't let the unavailability of an all-women's meeting keep me out of a program that might help me.

scsmiles99

Thanks everyone. Can any of you tell me how you've done it without AA?

Anna

Hi,

I hope you find something that works for you. This is my belief - When you decide that alcohol is no longer an option, then other ways of dealing with life will come to you.

For the first couple of years of my recovery, I turned to books, which is what I had always done in a crisis. I needed to reconnect with my spiritual self in order to survive. "The Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav helped me enormously, in its gentle guidance towards being able to listen to and hear your soul. Around that time, I found SR and I have been here, daily, since then. I never fail to find inspiration and hope here. This is where I find people who understand.

artsoul

I've done AA in the past as well as treatment. Both were very helpful, although I relapsed a third time and am now sober without AA. I like this forum because I can spend as much or as little time as I need here, and at any hour of the day. AA does give you a real-life social activity on the weekends, though, which may help.

I back up my plan by seeing a psychiatrist where I can address problems that don't have to do with drinking. So far the combo of SR and doctor has worked for me. Like Anna, I read a good bit of spiritual literature also.

Do you have any friends who might go to an AA meeting with you? That way, it might not be so scary.......

Welcome back!!!

Dee74

Whatever way you go, it's down to you, scsmiles.

The turning point for me was accepting I was an alcoholic, and accepting I could not drink, no matter what the provocation, no matter what the context, no matter how good the excuse.

I had to deal with the times every cell in my body (and my mind) wanted a drink.

I also had to work on myself and look at the reasons behind why I drank so much in the first place.

It's kinda like letting the madman run the asylum - it's no picnic, there's very little let up for a long time and its a very hard road to hoe on your own... thats why I always suggest people look at some kind of face to face recovery group...

but yeah, I've done it 'alone' with the constant help and support of the people here at SR.

D

topspin

Hey, SCsmiles (thought you were a neighbor for a sec )

Even though I'm not actively attending a lot of AA, usually 3-6 meetings a month, I certainly wouldn't recommend that kind of schedule to someone who's never been. Waaay too much to learn at first; ....and they can be damn interesting too !

I began to learn about coping with life on life's terms. (without drinking ) and methods-tools to live a happy and sober life , along with the fellowship. Initially , I went to 6-8 meetings per week; ....who counts with so many ?!?
....a suggestion I heard in a meeting early on, and they really helped.

Course, listening real close, like in a classroom, works the best !!

I use SR as part of my recovery much more these days, .....Artsoul mentioned the 24/7 availability, and somehow reading these posts sticks with me in a different way. Not nescesarily better, just differently, ....than listening to folks verbally. my work schedule rules out most meetings ; most days too.

For me, there's a great deal of comfort knowing SR is here, ....and meetings are accesible if and when I want to go. The low-pressure approach works best for me , I guess.

I like Anna's suggestion to " shake up your schedule"
That's what I had to do.

And completely feel the same as Dee, describing early sobriety. "it's no picnic"

Welcome (back) to SR, ...you can do this, this time.

Grateful to have over 4 months living clean and sober, ODAAT

Horselover

I only managed to get through it in the beginning with the strong support of SR. I would either post or pm someone if I felt in danger of slipping. My realization was that I absolutely cannot drink anymore. I was done with it. It wasn't doing me anything positive and in fact, was giving me more then enough negatives in my life that it was a fairly quick conclusion for me. Not to say I didn't crave it or want to run to it when life was being life. I had done it for almost my entire life and so I had to find new ways of handling things and not hiding from them. Its a lot of self work, but worth it in more ways then words can describe.

Don't count AA out though or some sort of face to face support. If I ever feel SR isn't enough I have promised myself I will find something else that can help hold me accountable, but in the end its for you and you have to hold yourself accountable. You have to feel your worth it.

FindingDawn

I agree with the thought that you really have to believe that alcohol is no longer an option to deal or make things better or help us forget etc. I am early on. So I only see from that perspective. But honestly I just don't want to drink anymore. I am sick at myself for leaning on it so long, I feel like its time to face the storm on my own. No more crutches. I would love to go to therapy too, but money doesn't allow it right now, so reading for me is a help too. And I come here and read other peoples stories, many of whom drank much heavier than I did. For me it is the psychological addiction, I never had withdrawl and all that...But I looked at alcohol as a way to relax and help me just numb out. That is not what life is about, it is time I grow up really. Life hurts allot at times. but it can also be beautiful. And at the end of this crappy week I am having, if I haven't picked up a glass of wine or a beer, my crappy week is gonna look a little better instead of worse! You did great for a long time, and you can do it again....best of luck to you

Snarf

Welcome back, SC! Trust me, AA meetings are nowhere near as bad as we build them up to be in our own minds. It's helped me so much these last 5 months. I hope you'll be able to find a meeting you're comfortable with. And thanks for (re-) joining us here!

jamdls

Hi SCS, welcome to SR. This is a great place for support any time of the day or night. I stopped drinking on my own as well, course I nearly succeeded in killing myself first. I went to a couple of AA meetings but did not feel that it was for me, I drank mostly alone and felt my recovery would work best alone; I did, however, get an AA book and read that thing cover to cover 2-3 times-- I modified the steps to suit me and they were a good starting point to my recovery. The primary thing I had to accept is as others have said "drinking is not an option, not 1 sip not ever". I spent my first 7 days of not drinking in the hospital from a prescription drug overdose that burned a hole in my liver (of course I was drunk when I took the pills), on the 6th day I finally realized what I had done and accepted that I couldn't drink and vowed to myself that I would never drink again. The stopping drinking part for me was easy, I've never had a craving for alcohol; the learning how to live sober was the hard part and that is an ongoing journey for me. During my first year of sobriety I studied all kinds of recovery literature as well as the bible and practiced what I studied. I didn't find SR until 1 1/2 yrs into my journey and it became another resource in my journey. I also re-acquainted myself with an "old friend" who has been sober over 25 yrs, he lives over 2000 miles away from me but we talked on the phone daily the first 2 yrs and now talk at least weekly; he had also given up alcohol on his own and he understood what I was going through. I think it is extremely important to have someone that you can talk with on a deeply personal level about what you are going through. My "old friend" actually is my 87 yr old father whom I had been estranged from for about 30 yrs. Freedom from my addiction has been the most empowering thing to me and I treasure and value my sobriety and guard it with my life.