Day 2
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6
Day 2
I realise that I need help. It's 7.30 in the morning of day 2. I never thought I'd reach the low I did this weekend. My drinking and drug use its getting way more than I can cope with and if I don't do something now I'm going to lose everything.
I don't live on the street and I have a job and so on but all my substance abuse is either done in private or I seek out only those individuals who I know do it too so I don't have to explain myself. My partner doesn't know, nor do my workmates etc.
Anyway, I've toyed with the idea of sobriety before but never took it seriously until now. The psychosis during this hangover was unbearable and I never want to go through that again. You see, I suffer from depression so drug binges really mess with my head. I just don't know what to do so I'm posting here more as a sort of self-help thing than anything else.
I read some of The Basic Text and reached out to the Higher Being inside me and made them a promise never to drink or do drugs again. I'm putting crosses on a calendar in the hope it will encourage me to continue straight.
I just never thought it would go this far.
I don't live on the street and I have a job and so on but all my substance abuse is either done in private or I seek out only those individuals who I know do it too so I don't have to explain myself. My partner doesn't know, nor do my workmates etc.
Anyway, I've toyed with the idea of sobriety before but never took it seriously until now. The psychosis during this hangover was unbearable and I never want to go through that again. You see, I suffer from depression so drug binges really mess with my head. I just don't know what to do so I'm posting here more as a sort of self-help thing than anything else.
I read some of The Basic Text and reached out to the Higher Being inside me and made them a promise never to drink or do drugs again. I'm putting crosses on a calendar in the hope it will encourage me to continue straight.
I just never thought it would go this far.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 302
You're doing a good thing by deciding to stop! Congrats on that! You CAN do it! I didn't think I could .. but I'm on day 5 of sobriety and I feel pretty good! It's really hard the first few days and I only know it will get better. I keep coming here to post and read other posts, which helps so much. You will find great support on here whenever you need it. Welcome!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Evergreen, CO
Posts: 68
congrats on your sobriety. What helped me was to write down all of those feelings (emotional and physical) that I felt while I was drinking and while I was going through withdrawl. I keep the list where I used to keep my booze and I made another copy that I put on my fridge. I read it everyday to remind myself that I never want to go back.
keep up the good work my friend!
keep up the good work my friend!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 261
Hey AwakeAndAlive,
Just by your writing style, I can tell that you have probably went through college or even gone higher. With that being said, I have heard that the higher the IQ, the more stubborn the person. It may be a little early to start throwing suggestions at you because you are are on day 2 but all of us want you to get this.
You didn't mention in your post about getting in trouble with the law and you managed to hide it from those who care for you. From my opinion, by you choosing to change your life around right now, you are already ahead of the game. Your addiction WILL get worse than what it is now. Your addiction will lead to consequences with the law and consequences with relationships. You have the choice to avoid all that and I'm happy to see that you are here.
When I got here, I had already managed to cause wreckage in my life. I regret all the things I've done but most importantly, it is the legal troubles that never go away. My DUI is on the record permanently and I just cringe knowing that it is there. Like I said, you have a opportunity to change your life. I tested the waters over and over but only to return to the same predicament.
Read the stories in here and most importantly, look for the similarities and not the differences. When I first took a crack at sobriety, I went to an AA meeting and realized that I wasn't that bad. I heard their stories and told myself that I was I nothing like them. Sure enough, as I kept drinking, I quickly became those people and their stories. I found it funny that you mentioned the X's on the calendar because that was what I did.
My suggestion is that you go to a doctor and professionally withdraw from your alcohol and drug abuse. It is dangerous doing it alone because there are chances that you could go into seizures and possibly die. Also, going to the doctor and being completely honest with him/her will tremendously help with the withdrawal phase. Depending on how heavy your usage, withdrawal from alcohol or drugs can be very painful. While you are at home withdrawing, I highly suggest that you look into a recovery program. There are many out there and there are stickies on here that explain each one. Find one that suits you and be proactive in it. I hate to break it to you but drawing X's on the calendar will not suffice. I have so much more to say but I don't want to overwhelm you any more. I wish you the best and whatever you do, don't pick up or use just for today.
Just by your writing style, I can tell that you have probably went through college or even gone higher. With that being said, I have heard that the higher the IQ, the more stubborn the person. It may be a little early to start throwing suggestions at you because you are are on day 2 but all of us want you to get this.
You didn't mention in your post about getting in trouble with the law and you managed to hide it from those who care for you. From my opinion, by you choosing to change your life around right now, you are already ahead of the game. Your addiction WILL get worse than what it is now. Your addiction will lead to consequences with the law and consequences with relationships. You have the choice to avoid all that and I'm happy to see that you are here.
When I got here, I had already managed to cause wreckage in my life. I regret all the things I've done but most importantly, it is the legal troubles that never go away. My DUI is on the record permanently and I just cringe knowing that it is there. Like I said, you have a opportunity to change your life. I tested the waters over and over but only to return to the same predicament.
Read the stories in here and most importantly, look for the similarities and not the differences. When I first took a crack at sobriety, I went to an AA meeting and realized that I wasn't that bad. I heard their stories and told myself that I was I nothing like them. Sure enough, as I kept drinking, I quickly became those people and their stories. I found it funny that you mentioned the X's on the calendar because that was what I did.
My suggestion is that you go to a doctor and professionally withdraw from your alcohol and drug abuse. It is dangerous doing it alone because there are chances that you could go into seizures and possibly die. Also, going to the doctor and being completely honest with him/her will tremendously help with the withdrawal phase. Depending on how heavy your usage, withdrawal from alcohol or drugs can be very painful. While you are at home withdrawing, I highly suggest that you look into a recovery program. There are many out there and there are stickies on here that explain each one. Find one that suits you and be proactive in it. I hate to break it to you but drawing X's on the calendar will not suffice. I have so much more to say but I don't want to overwhelm you any more. I wish you the best and whatever you do, don't pick up or use just for today.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,346
Welcome to SR AwakeandAlive 
You've gotten all the good advice already about doctors...I also encourage you to reach out...you've got the text and the HP concept - go check out a meeting
And post here as often as you like
Good to have you with us
D
You've gotten all the good advice already about doctors...I also encourage you to reach out...you've got the text and the HP concept - go check out a meeting
And post here as often as you like
Good to have you with us
D
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi A&A,
You mentioned making a "promise" to your Higher Being never to drink or drug again.
My suggestion is that instead of making that promise to your Higher Being, that you let IT do the heavy lifting. Have you checked into AA? That's the whole premise of that program. We let our Higher Power do for us what we can't do for ourselves.
You mentioned making a "promise" to your Higher Being never to drink or drug again.
My suggestion is that instead of making that promise to your Higher Being, that you let IT do the heavy lifting. Have you checked into AA? That's the whole premise of that program. We let our Higher Power do for us what we can't do for ourselves.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6
Day 3
It is a new day. It is a beautiful day. It is Day 3.
Thanks for all the advice. I'm checking out the NA meetings around here. It's a bit weird thinking I'll be at one of them. I just never thought I'd need it.
I'm just living in the moment. It helps to tell myself that there is a greater power inside me that is free of drugs and booze. I can be that. I want that. I'm allergic to drugs. WHy go back to something that makes me so sick?
I admit, I did think about how good it feels to take the edge of reality with a chug or a line. But, a stronger feeling is emerging - the feeling of freedom from anxiety and depression. I imagine myself fit and healthy, smiling. I guess it's a "happy place". Ha ha! What a hippy! Anyway, I just need to tell someone Day 3 has begun.
Thanks for all the advice. I'm checking out the NA meetings around here. It's a bit weird thinking I'll be at one of them. I just never thought I'd need it.
I'm just living in the moment. It helps to tell myself that there is a greater power inside me that is free of drugs and booze. I can be that. I want that. I'm allergic to drugs. WHy go back to something that makes me so sick?
I admit, I did think about how good it feels to take the edge of reality with a chug or a line. But, a stronger feeling is emerging - the feeling of freedom from anxiety and depression. I imagine myself fit and healthy, smiling. I guess it's a "happy place". Ha ha! What a hippy! Anyway, I just need to tell someone Day 3 has begun.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,413
Welcome Awake and Alive... and congratulations on your decision to quit, it is one of those choices you will have made with NO regrets only GREAT rewards.
I, too, have suffered major from psychosis and severe depression and it is the worst -- I am on day 7 and I am feeling so much better. I don't hear voices in my head anymore, only the odd song from time to time, but I do know that will even go away. Just think, when you are clean and sober you will feel SO much better physically and emotionally.
Hope you have a great day 3 and stay in touch, you will find a lot of great people here. I just joined, but have read many inspirational posts... and they have made the first 7 days so much easier for me.
I, too, have suffered major from psychosis and severe depression and it is the worst -- I am on day 7 and I am feeling so much better. I don't hear voices in my head anymore, only the odd song from time to time, but I do know that will even go away. Just think, when you are clean and sober you will feel SO much better physically and emotionally.
Hope you have a great day 3 and stay in touch, you will find a lot of great people here. I just joined, but have read many inspirational posts... and they have made the first 7 days so much easier for me.
~Author of My Life~
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't....
Posts: 4,796
Recovery is about a world of new beginnings, beginnings I never ever thought I would be a part of. I kept telling myself "this is the start of something BIG, my LIFE. We're not really living while using, we're numbing and repressing and insane. Thinking it'll get better when we don't change anything.
I am so glad you're here. When I found SR in 2003 I was so low, I wasn't just on the floor, I was BENEATH the floor, a thousand stories below ground level, down in the dirt and broken, son very very broken. Looking up was so painful because I was so scared it was all false hope, and stupid promises and mean tricks to get me to stop what I thought I loved......I HATED LIFE, I had tried to kill myself so many times it was insane.
Today I am not agoraphobic, I work now! and I cope with things. And things have been rough but there's a soft patch of clouds where I can rest my heart on and rise above the troubles now. I learned so much from folks here at SR, and received so much support & friendship.
Do stick around, things can be so much better for you.
Hang in there, and don't worry about never again, in each moment you are sober and recovering you are succeeding.
warmest hugs coming your way.
I am so glad you're here. When I found SR in 2003 I was so low, I wasn't just on the floor, I was BENEATH the floor, a thousand stories below ground level, down in the dirt and broken, son very very broken. Looking up was so painful because I was so scared it was all false hope, and stupid promises and mean tricks to get me to stop what I thought I loved......I HATED LIFE, I had tried to kill myself so many times it was insane.
Today I am not agoraphobic, I work now! and I cope with things. And things have been rough but there's a soft patch of clouds where I can rest my heart on and rise above the troubles now. I learned so much from folks here at SR, and received so much support & friendship.
Do stick around, things can be so much better for you.
Hang in there, and don't worry about never again, in each moment you are sober and recovering you are succeeding.
warmest hugs coming your way.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome A&A - glad you're here and that day 3 turned out to be a good day to wake up clean/sober! I could relate to your statement that you felt "something stronger" is beginning to emerge. I was (pleasantly) surprised to find out that letting go of my addiction allowed the real me to come into focus again. I thought she was gone!
Hope you'll hang around and continue posting. Congrats on day 3!
Hope you'll hang around and continue posting. Congrats on day 3!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Hi and Welcome!
I think many of us have been shocked to find out that we were addicts. I know I sure was, and I resisted it for a long time. I'm glad that you found us and that you are seeking support. I think it's a great idea that you are connecting or reconnecting with your spiritual self. For me, that was crucial.
I think many of us have been shocked to find out that we were addicts. I know I sure was, and I resisted it for a long time. I'm glad that you found us and that you are seeking support. I think it's a great idea that you are connecting or reconnecting with your spiritual self. For me, that was crucial.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6
So it's day 6. I've been really ill the last few days. Sweating and fatigue. Got a mouth full of ulcers too.
Today, though, is the first day I feel I have some energy.
This is the first weekend. I'm determined to stay dry. I will stay dry. I've got no money apart from anything else. Not that that's a barrier, usually. Nonetheless, I'm going out with other sober folk. Got to keep that promise.
Today, though, is the first day I feel I have some energy.
This is the first weekend. I'm determined to stay dry. I will stay dry. I've got no money apart from anything else. Not that that's a barrier, usually. Nonetheless, I'm going out with other sober folk. Got to keep that promise.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,413
Good for you Awake and Alive.
Sorry to hear you haven't been feeling great, but it does take time to mend... it does sound like you are starting to feel better, that is great news.
Enjoy this evening/weekend with sober folks... you will do great. Focus on the prize, feeling better by staying sober.
Sorry to hear you haven't been feeling great, but it does take time to mend... it does sound like you are starting to feel better, that is great news.
Enjoy this evening/weekend with sober folks... you will do great. Focus on the prize, feeling better by staying sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6
It's the end of day 6 and it's Saturday night. I had two red bulls. I can't remember a Saturday night without booze. Hanging with sober friends definitely helped.
I have this feeling that where I am, and the way I feel right now, is the way I'm supposed to feel.
Thanks for all your support, by the way. I should have said that earlier but I was too caught up in my own stuff.
I have this feeling that where I am, and the way I feel right now, is the way I'm supposed to feel.
Thanks for all your support, by the way. I should have said that earlier but I was too caught up in my own stuff.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by AwakeAndAlive 
I have this feeling that where I am, and the way I feel right now, is the way I'm supposed to feel.
Things will settle down.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6
It's the end of day 9. I'm feeling good about myself but I have been really tired the past few days.
I'm finding that I have less craving now and I've been having some ideas on my I drank and got high. I find that not thinking about booze helps. So I'm concentrating on other things.
Got to keep that promise. Like the book says "just for today..."
I'm finding that I have less craving now and I've been having some ideas on my I drank and got high. I find that not thinking about booze helps. So I'm concentrating on other things.
Got to keep that promise. Like the book says "just for today..."
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