Requesting help about a personal situation
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 438
Requesting help about a personal situation
Hello, all. I'm having a difficult time with a relationship I'm involved with and I've posted about it in the Family and Friends of Substance Abusers. I'd love to get some support and advice from my friends here in Newcomers if you don't mind checking out my post:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-smoking.html
Thanks so much.
Stephanie
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-smoking.html
Thanks so much.
Stephanie
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: dayton, oh
Posts: 487
Hi Stephanie
I'm going to come at this differently. You say in your post you are afraid to be alone. My mother tells me she keeps her BF because she needs someone to find her if she falls. I find that sad at sixty-five. Relationships should be good for you and now for your sobriety. Everybody you choose to have in your life, from friend, family member to lover should be good for you. Sure you will have to use your boundaries everyday to deal with people you don't get a long with, but you won't let them in your life.
You are under no obligation to allow that man to live in your house or maintain contact with him. Hopefully you are not threatened by him, but I worry he is intimidating you or he would be gone by now. I would give him a move out date, not more than a week and if he is not gone have him removed by the police. In fact, to make you feel better I would stop by a precinct and talk with them about the situation.
Decide you want him gone and do the above.
Congrats on the sobriety time. You go Girl!
I'm going to come at this differently. You say in your post you are afraid to be alone. My mother tells me she keeps her BF because she needs someone to find her if she falls. I find that sad at sixty-five. Relationships should be good for you and now for your sobriety. Everybody you choose to have in your life, from friend, family member to lover should be good for you. Sure you will have to use your boundaries everyday to deal with people you don't get a long with, but you won't let them in your life.
You are under no obligation to allow that man to live in your house or maintain contact with him. Hopefully you are not threatened by him, but I worry he is intimidating you or he would be gone by now. I would give him a move out date, not more than a week and if he is not gone have him removed by the police. In fact, to make you feel better I would stop by a precinct and talk with them about the situation.
Decide you want him gone and do the above.
Congrats on the sobriety time. You go Girl!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Stephanie - first of all, it's great that you're staying sober. So kudos for that. I wonder if your bf is expecting to be kicked out (in the back of his mind). It can't come as a total surprise, since you're sober and he's not. You can tell him kindly that you need to work on your sobriety and it's not a good situation for you. I agree on giving him a specific time, so that he has a week or two to work something out. But if he makes it difficult for you, stand your ground and do whatever it takes to see that he leaves.
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