firestorm090

Just curious how many of you deal with really tough situations, where the consequences of your decision will strongly affect others in your life, some in challenging ways?

Do you always discuss these things with other recoverees, sponsors, or counselors, do you journal, weigh the pros and cons,or who do you talk with that you trust? Do you go with your gut? Then how do you carry out such difficult decisions when the decision will negatively affect someone you hold dear in your life?

I don't have a sponsor right now in AA, although I attend meetings, and I consider this to be a personal matter, not one that is related to the steps or AA involvement.

Any pointers along these lines will be greatly appreciated. It's a major change for me, that I've relapsed over a couple times just to avoid it, and now that I know booze doesn't improve it, I need to deal with this sober.

Tommyh

good topic
if it affects my family I usually consult them and I always do some praying.I try and not rush into things and when possible,sleep on it.I usually know which way to go in the morning

Dee74

when my decisions will affect others, I get a lot of counsel from the people I admire and/or trust, especially if my gut isn't telling me what to do.

D

LexieCat

I discuss it with people whose opinion I value, I might meditate or write about it (writing often helps me get my whirling thoughts in order), but in the end, I go with my gut. Ultimately, it comes down to weighing the relative harms and goods that can come as a result of a particular course of action. Usually one course edges the other out, and just feels more right. I think all we can do is make the best decision we can, try to act with love toward others, and then try to let go of the results.

michelle01

Sobriety comes first, no matter what. Drinking truly only made things worse and more chaotic. I can't really get advice from my family, who are very dysfunctional. But I will talk with a close friend and/or my counsellor. Good answers come from prayer (this was my first thought, reading this question). And yes, I agree, it pays not to make decisions on an impulse or just based on our emotion at the time, but to reflect a little. It's normal in early recovery for our emotions to be all over the place. Sometimes talking to someone who is able to listen well is helpful in putting things into perspective. I needed that a lot, even when to myself it sounded maybe irrational and misguided.

Tomm

Interesting topic. For me, I found that I began to trust my own judgement more and more after stopping drinking, and I'm looking forward to getting that back this time around too. I can only echo what everyone else has said - weigh up the situation rationally for awhile, if possible talk it over with someone you trust and respect, but above all try to learn to trust your judgement.

stanleyhouse

I would speak with a professional. Someone with the knowledge, sensitivity, unbiased, skills to walk you and your loved one through a difficult situation.

michelle01

You know as well, when drinking we spent so much time trying to run and hide from problems. Confronting them in early sobriety is naturally intimdating. Our first instinct is to go and get numb. Our coping skills are not strong. Deal with what you can D and do what you have to in order to protect your recovery. When you do that, many things tend to fall into place. Part of recovery was learning that I don't necessarily have control over everything that is happening. But I do have control over how I respond and the way I deal with it.

firestorm090

I'm grateful for all the excellent advise all of you have shared with me.

I have alot to think about and your replies really helped me tons.
D

littlefish

When I drank I was totally isolated and I faced all of my problems without discussing them with anyone. EVER. Some of the choices I made were frankly, bad choices.

I am slowly learning to call AA friends and my sponsor if something is bothering me or if I have a decison to make: about everything in life. Sure, I talk to non AA people too. But, I notice that when I talk to AA friends the discussions have more depth: my own recovery is recognised as something to take into account when weighing my choices.

Last month my brother died and the conversations I had with my AA friends and sponsor really helped me get a perspective on things and also I got helpful feedback in deciding whether to go to the memorial or not.

That was very new behavior for me. I talked to a lot of people after he died. When my father died 12 years ago, I didn't talk to anyone.

During the last two years I have also been seeing an alcohol addictions therapist and have gotten great feedback for her also.

I highly recommend finding someone to discuss your problems and issues with. For years and years I grabbed a bottle and talked to myself about my problems. (Literally, I did talk to myself).

I guess to try and sum it up: people might tell you something that you haven't thought of yourself and propose solutions that you haven't thought of either....