praiseHim

So I now realize how crazy our bargaining over alcohol is. We have a habit of making deals with each other over alcohol. What are some examples of healthy communication. Here is my situation:
My husband wants to quit drinking at home but be able to have the choice to drink outside the home. I don't want alcohol in our lives at all and it has caused major problems, so I want him to get help and quit.

What can I say to him to show him that I love him very much and care about him, but that he can choose whatever he wants, but if he is going to choose drinking I'll choose to end our marriage or stay seperated until he does. But I don't want to come across uncaring or judgemental. But maybe there is no way around that.

praiseHim

to add another thing, he also says that I threaten divorce if he doesn't "do what I want" which is quit drinking, so I want to come across as that this is my choice, not a threat. That isn't my intention.

dollydo

All I know is that you cannot reason with an unreasonable person, and, I have never seen an A that was reasonable.

To me, if you love him, which I can tell from your posts that you do...show him by letting him find his own way, his own path to recovery. Recovery is not something that can be forced or pushed.

Live

hmmmmmmm......

I would suggest saying it lovingly and making it clear that you are needing to free yourself from a lifestyle that harms you.
You aren't asking him to quit drinking anymore. he has the right to do that as much as he likes. I really mean that!
But your happiness and well-being is better served by removing yourself and following the path that is peaceful and suitable to your values.

You can refuse to bargain. Or be manipulated.
be clear in your mind, try your best to keep the conversatiin short.
It is about you, not him.
Try to avoid any blame....on you or him.

that is what I come up with off the cuff.

It is a hard thing for you to do...for anyone.

hugs