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What is the best ways that have helped you become sane, become healthy, and heal?



What is the best ways that have helped you become sane, become healthy, and heal?

Old 08-20-2010, 07:57 AM
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What is the best ways that have helped you become sane, become healthy, and heal?

I thought this could be a positive thread about all the ways that help us become sane, healthy, and heal.

Here is my list so far:
my faith
journaling
talking to positive and healthy family and friends
Al anon
celebrate recovery
online recovery forums
counseling
reading helpful books
focusing on my blessings
one day at a time
focusing on my own choices, changing what doesn't work, getting out of denial
taking responsibility for my actions, feelings, reactions
stop blaming
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Old 08-20-2010, 08:10 AM
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talking to positive and healthy family and friends
This is a big for me. It takes me out of my head. Just not talking about "the issue or problem" talking about the good stuff in life.

I think that's why I love this part of this forum so much, talking about brilliant room decoration or cleaver name choices.

It's not just always pain. There can be fun too.

Thank you

I gotta get off this forum now - I got things to do!!!!
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Old 08-20-2010, 10:05 AM
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I went back to studying - to become a Montessori Directress. What a spiritual journey and what healing it has brought me. Beautiful philosophy that requires spritual preparation . One has to work at your defects of character (yes they call it that also )At the Academy that I am studying it is welcomed if the teachers/students attend any twelve Step program .

Studying is something for ME. Hopefully I will be financially free soon - as relying on an alcoholic can be stressfull. My children saw that one can be brave at age 47 to go out in the world and start over.
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Old 08-20-2010, 10:37 AM
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yes that is something I'm starting to do as well. Take some risks and refuse to stay at the same spot. I am starting the process to go back to college and also applying for a different job. I'm learning that I don't have to sit around feeling like a victim and feeling sorry for myself, I have the power to make changes in my life It feels good when I do something toward positive change and not just staying the same.

I can be sad and angry, but I don't have to be consumed by it.
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Old 08-20-2010, 10:54 AM
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GREAT thread!
The things I do to keep sane/healthy

1- read (A LOT)
2- Lately, a lot of volunteering at a cat shelter
3- the gym (lifting weights)
4- drink chai lattes with my friends
5- work
6- pray /meditate
7- journal
8- cook

And once I'm back on me feet after my recent break-up, I'm going to go to visit my sister, go out dancing, and MAYBE, just MAYBE get over my fear of flying.
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Old 08-20-2010, 11:20 AM
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I haven't found much yet...other than just learning acceptance. I am feeling a tidal wave of emotions so I get alot out by journaling and going to a counselor once a week. I am learning how to live without the buffer of prescription drugs that was a buffer for me. I realize that is why I am feeling a plethera of emotions now. I have two wonderful boys, ages 3 & 5 that keep me busy. And I have a wonderful husband who is amazing. I am blessed. My 5 year old starts kindergarten next week and I am having a hard time realizing he is not my baby anymore. I just pray for God to give me the strength I need so I won't be a mess on his first day. I am just taking it one moment at a time right now.
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Old 08-20-2010, 11:58 AM
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Thanks for this thread, for me it was acceptance, I had to accept what I couldn't change. What was already done, was done. I had a hard time with the acceptance.
So here are a few things that helped me:

1. Prayer/Fellowship-I prayed daily by myself & with my church family
2. Acceptance -Insted of denial, I decided to accept the situation for what it was.
3. Outreach -Speaking to other mothers that were going through the same thing.
4. Reading- I read and learned anything and everything about addiction and the brain.
5. My Faith-Understanding that GOD hears me, and is always there for me
6. Writing- I wrote poetry and journaled my thoughts to let out my pain
7. Taking Responsibility-Understanding that I could only control myself.
and knowing I was powerless over what others do.


All of the things above have helped me alot, and even though I numbered them, it doesn't mean that it's in that order. For me my faith came first. Then Prayer. There are other things that helped me to heal. Naranon was a great help, teaching me that my son's life is not more important than my own. I still have to keep reminding myself of that. It seems to me, when he's not well, that I'm not well. I have never really been able to detach from him, and not sure that I ever will. I blame it on a mother's heart. We love totally and unconditionally. Only a mother could lift a truck off of her child.

All of those things above were very helpful in my own recovery, and even though I have over 5 years drug free, my son has been an active addict for the past 4 years on and off. He is now almost 4 months clean again, and I'm still so fearful of the horrible relapse that has come so many times in the past 4 years. I keep giving him to GOD and then taking the problem back. I'm trying to just let go now. I've been dragged around enough.
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Old 08-20-2010, 12:03 PM
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Nice thread!

My outlets that keep me sane and healthy (in no particular order):

1.) cycling long distances (meditative and soothing; keeps me balanced and helps me work off stress)
2.) remembering to laugh
3.) talking stuff out rather than burying my feelings
4.) taking solace in my family--husband, cat, brother and sister in law--and friends
5.) learning that the way I was treated as a child and the way my mother continues to treat me is wrong and to not accept that treatment
6.) to continue to forge my own life for myself
7.) starting on a career change in the fall!
8.) finding support on this forum and through therapy
9.) finding new and exciting ways to eat gluten free
10.) enjoying our new city--getting out, walking around
11.) music, reading, movies, sleeping in, going to bed early, knitting
12.) getting out in nature
13.) occasional "girly" things like a pedicure or getting my hair done
14.) spending time with the wonderful kitties and dogs at the nonprofit
15.) knowing that this is my one and only life, and I gotta make the best of it!
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Old 08-20-2010, 12:59 PM
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I probably have a long list too, but the first one that pops to my mind is
- remembering to breath
As living in dysfunction for many years I forgot how to breath properly, so now even though my life is better than in long time, I still have that tendency not to breath properly, and I get really tense, even though there is nothing that is bugging me. So, I have to keep reminding myself to: BREATH, BREATH, BREATH
and than everything looks simple and easy again.
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Old 08-20-2010, 02:11 PM
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Resume my hobbies
Decorate my house
Reunite with my friends
Shop
Laugh and then Laugh somemore
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Old 08-20-2010, 03:10 PM
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Getting back to working around the house.
Focuses my energy and gives me somewhere to be.
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Old 08-20-2010, 03:19 PM
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Shell brought up something that I finally realized several months after exabf was gone. I had let my house/space go. I only did what I had to do, nothing more. Now I take pleasure in my space, I continue to improve it.

I am at peace in my space, that is such a wonderful feeling...safe and at peace!
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Old 08-20-2010, 09:01 PM
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Assuming I am "sane, healthy, and healed."

My faith.
Belonging to Catholic Charismatic Renewal and lots of healing prayer.
My family, especially grand kids.
My Mum, who is Pollyanna with wrinkles. Misery shrivels around her.
Not depending on others approval or permission.
Realising the house is for my comfort, not to keep me busy working.
Staying away from toxic people and situations.

Learning at last that I was allowed to say NO.

I may have 5 years or 40 years to live, whatever it is I am not wasting it on misery, or someone else's self induced problems or unnecessary tasks.
I want to live every minute I can and enjoy every minute I live.

God bless
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Old 08-20-2010, 09:36 PM
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The first and most important was that I made my own friends. Second was to put effort into developing my spiritual life: God as I understand God, etc. which is now a great source of strength and balance for me.

Also, at that point I started working at making my life what I want it to be on several fronts: professional (went back to school for a professional degree), personal, home life, relationship with my child and extended family. The New Year's after my now-aexh took up with WhatsHerName, I made six resolutions, and I kept five of them by April... which from a chronic procrastinator was not too shabby. I was totally astounded by what I could accomplish after I stopped being ruled by fear and really, truly went for what I wanted no matter how scared I was. It was strange, I was devastated by the loss of the potential to repair my marriage, but at the same time I was also surprised and delighted to find out how much I could accomplish on my own.
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Old 08-30-2014, 09:21 PM
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I think this might be the best thread I've ever read, so I'm bumping it so that others may enjoy it's awesomeness.
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Old 08-30-2014, 09:32 PM
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I just got back home after spending time with a NORMAL friend and her NORMAL family, so this first part resonated with me:
talking to positive and healthy family and friends
We all cooked together, laughed together, and had a terrific time. My DD helped my friend's daughter with her flute lessons, and the adults bantered easily with the other youngsters. There were no tense moments, no one having to speak carefully, so as not to annoy the beast. It was very relaxing. I had forgotten what it was like to live normally with other people. Makes me think I did my DD a great disservice by staying with AH for so long.
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Old 08-30-2014, 09:33 PM
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I am so very new to the journey of healing. But, I'm currently doing a bible study and am learning to be content. This had been such a great tool for me.
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Old 08-30-2014, 09:38 PM
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Summerpeach - Chai lattes and dirty chai lattes have been my little treats to myself lately too! Today I tried a chai milkshake- I highly recommend it!

Thank you to everyone who shared on this thread- your ideas and you positive attitudes were much needed tonight. Thank you for helping me refocus my thoughts and my energy. I really needed too.
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Old 08-30-2014, 10:51 PM
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Thanks Stung. Good find, like an archaeological dig. You can be our resident Indiana Jones.
OK, my list:

Alanon
Individual therapy (at the VA)
Journaling
Long walks
Long, hot baths
Laughter
Time with my sons
Following my dream of writing a novel
Trying new things
Artist's Dates (check out Julia Cameron's book The Artist's Way for more info)
Reading
Rebuilding my life piece by piece like a Lego kit without the instructions (I spend a lot of time building Lego creations with my kids)
Doing wtf I want without worrying about how someone who is mentally ill or an alcoholic or otherwise has no business judging my life will react!
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Old 08-31-2014, 02:13 AM
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Being honest with myself.

Facing my fears.

Visualizing my future - I mean, REALLY visualizing it. Looking around me, seeing it all physically. Feeling it all in my heart and soul. Feeling the joy that comes with creating a better life. And keeping that image, those feelings, close to my heart and at the forefront of my mind, reminding myself that when something is not going as I would like it to, I have the power to create something better. Keeping that feeling close to me so that I feel certain that I am closing in on it, and it is mine already, it is already on its way.

Knowing that I am loved. Knowing that it is OK to need help. Knowing that it is OK to have needs. Being aware of where the fear of having a need stems from, and laying that to rest, so that I can be open to receive better things.

Knowing that I have control over how I feel - this means i get to feel good. I simply can choose to.

Knowing that I am here for a reason, that I have strengths and gifts to offer this world, that there are people out there whose lives I am going to touch, that will benefit from me being at my best.

Knowing that it is OK to make mistakes. That it is what we do when we realize we have made a mistake that is important, since it is impossible to avoid EVER making a mistake.

Being easier on myself.

And a lot more.

Good luck to everyone on their journey

Peace.
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