wilable

I relapsed recently after almost 6 months clean. I did many things wrong that led me back to using: not enough meetings, no sponsor, isolating... One BIG one though, I believe, was my inability to maintain a sense of spirituality. I felt moments of a higher power, but it always faded away.

How do I keep a sense of "God" going day after day? Any advice?

stephnc

I have had a tough time with the whole spirituality angle, too. Someone once suggested that I try saying a few prayers every day, like the serenity prayer, third, seventh, and eleventh step prayers. Even if I wasn't "feeling" it, just getting in the habit of reading or reciting them out loud or to myself would eventually lead to developing my own spirituality (sort of like "fake it till you make it"). I also bought a small blank journal to use as a prayer journal...since I've never been one to pray very much, I decided to write prayers in the journal every day. I'm not 100% there yet but these things have helped me at least get somewhere I wasn't when I first got sober. Hope this helps.

Stephanie

Anna

I'm glad you found us and your point is such a good one.

For me, I find that quiet/alone time helps a lot. I think that Meditation is the answer, though I admit it's hard to stick with it regularly. I find that, if I can quiet my mind, turn off the chatter, I begin to moments of complete peace, which is a spiritual experience for me.

keithj

Action. Faith without works really is dead. I do it by thoroughly taking the 12 steps and by living according to those principles. It's worked for years and brought me a life fulfilled far beyond my dreams.

A far cry from not drinking.

DayTrader

I tried every half-measure I could think of. Like you, I realized that unless I kept my spirituality "up" I was screwed.

What I do now, and it's been working for the past two years or so is I get up a couple hours early before I need to for work (THAT was a tough pill to swallow.... i used to HAAAAAATE getting up early), as SOON as I turn the alarm off I roooool out of bed onto my knees and say some prayers - I ask to be separated from booze today, to be aware of God's will for me today, and to be able to summon the power to follow though with His will for me... plus some other prayers in there as well but I always say those 3 lines, I ask God to help everyone I can think of - and I name names, I'll do 5-15 minutes of meditation too, then I allow myself to get up (lol...yeah, I have to force myself to stay there some days). Next, Ill hit the bathroom (heh, I make myself pray/meditate first or, my experience, I'll forget to or just skip it). I go downstairs, feed the dog and read "Around the Year with Emmet Fox," "Daily Reflections" and "The 24hr Book." Let the dog outside...then go back to my office and start writing in a journal (I haven't made that one a daily practice yet but I'm gettin' there). Then, I'll pop on here....read/post here and there. After that, I grab my mp3 player, que up an open talk, and take the dog for a walk. I call my sponsor at exaaaactly 7:15 every morning except Saturday (we're at a meeting together) and Sunday - we both get Sunday off. Get ready for work...leave the house....finish up the open talk on my drive into the office. Work steps 10, 11 and 12 ALL DAY to the best of my ability. Last bit of the open talk or start a new one on the ride home. Get home, feed my dog... continue working on the current 4th step I'm writing. Monday and Friday are grass-cutting days so I have open talks going on my mp3 player. Tuesday night, Saturday AM and usually a Wed or Thurs night I'll try to get a ride to a meeting (I have no drivers license still). Some days/nights I bail on the 4th step and just read/post here a lot but I'm starting to feel guilty about it - lol. I also have a couple ppl that I'm co-sponsoring (lol... they have sponsors but......because they're reeeeeeally sick they think they like what I've got) so I call them or get called by them and we talk. The last 2 ppl I sponsored are both in jail now, serving time for their lives prior to getting sober so I'll write letters to them. At meetings, I'm on the hunt for newcomers to say hi to. I get there 30minutes to an hour early and usually stay about the same time late if there are ppl hangin' out. I call my parents a lot - still not my favorite thing to do but it's part of my amends to them - and let them know how I'm doing / what I'm doing....

there's plenty more but I think that more than gets the point across..... the only way I stay connected, for now, is with a lot of action - even when I don't WANT to be "into action."

LaFemme

I agree with Anna about meditation. I also make a practice of seeing the world as a miracle of creation...I see God in a butterfly, my dogs smile, the way the light looks at dusk, The warm breeze on my face, a conversation with a friend or a smile with a stranger. If I make a practice of seeing God everywhere He is always with me. I give God a lot of credit for my sobriety but it has almost nothing to do with my relationship with Him. There is a quote in the Bible that refers to God as "that still small voice" I make it a practice to be in communication with that aspect of God.

LaFemme

One more point...I was thinking about what I said about crediting God with my sobriety...I credit him for my artisitc talent, my kind heart, my excellent brain and so on...but like my sobriety this still has nothing to do with my relationship with Him...my relationship with Him can be distilled into one, single, word...."LOVE":-)

DayTrader

woops.. I forgot one of the big "kick-starts" to my meditation/praying/spirituality: I got guilt-tripped like craaaaaaazy by a mentor in AA to go to a weekend AA retreat. This one is specific to my area in Mich but it's goes from Friday night --> Sunday afternoon. It's a silent retreat... NO TALKING till Sunday afternoon. There is a main "leader" from AA who prepares several "lectures" on spirituality that we listen to and there are opportunities to speak to some of the priests, ministers, or sisters who are available. The focus is obviously on prayer, meditation, and reinforcing your relationship with the God of your understanding. I had a maaaajor reluctance to go at first.....but I had one heck-uv-a spiritual awakening at the first one and haven't missed one since (there are 2 per year). I usually do a lot of meditating and/or reading and/or writing there.

The have one at the end of the month.... can't WAIT to get back there.

coming_clean

i stopped meditation a few weeks ago....then my weed smoking got way worse...

i'm gonna pick it up again next morning..for me it is essential..it makes it a lot easier to deal with PAWS and cravings..

stanleyhouse

La femme
Your words to describe the relationship with God are very true. At least in my world. Thank you for sharing.
SH

augustwest

pray and meditate regularly

lildawg

I do this, too! I figured I was probably doing it wrong. It is so nice and encouraging to read someone's words that say exactly how I feel about the God of my understanding.

LaFemme

In my world view there is no wrong way...but then I see God in butterflies and puppydog smiles so I probably shouldn't be taken to seriously:-)

getr345

Having come to believe that we as humans are the literal off spring of a "GOD" and that we exist as "spirit seeds" within "GOD's" mind (the Universe is the mind, imagination, and highly developed consciousness of a bodiless "GOD") I cannot get away from spiritual thinking even if I wanted to. That's how I do it, or how it happened to me. When I look out into the stars (or anyplace within the Universe for that matter) I believe that what I am seeing is the mind of "GOD" as seen from the inside and that all matter is literally thought into reality by said "GOD."

lildawg

LaFemme --

Well, we're in the same boat, then.

I see God everywhere I turn. If you look at a leaf, the intricate patterns of the veins represent God's brilliant design. If you observe the perfect, unconditional love of a dog, it's another example of God's work. Even if you look at the brilliance of the sky at each moment of the day, you have to recognize God within its beauty.

I'm aging myself here, but remember that movie, The Thing Called Love? I believe it's the last movie River Phoenix made. Martha Plimpton's character had this song where the refrain was "makes me think maybe God's a woman, too . . . "

I don't bring that up to say I think God's a woman (or a man), but I have those moments all the time. I'll see how intricate and symmetrical something is or I'll see how things naturally renew and recreate. It makes me think that there's no way that there isn't a power higher than me.

AWOL

Drinking used to consume about three or four hours of my daily life, so I reckoned that when I stopped, a fair exchange would be an hour of meditation and pranayama every day. I have just completed three months of daily meditation and breathing, and hope to continue doing it for the rest of my life. I have found that meditation is not just a state of vacant immobility on a mat, but a journey to the heart of the flower of life.

Dee74

Hi wilable

I'm a firm believer in action.

I missed God for many years.

I've found when I'm living my life right - trying my best to do everything I know I should be doing - invariably I'm grateful for the good things I have, regardless of what bad things might be around....and God/Sprituality/HP is never far away.

D

wilable

Thanks everyone for your responses and advice. I've never even tried to meditate before, my mind being a fierce jumble of weirdo fantastical scenarios and ever-running social commentary and mocking analysis. And I'm kind of a dick. I was angry and irritable long before the crackpipe and drunk binges. And agnostic-y. It's really, really hard for me to find serenity, like, ever. I just wasn't built for contentment and happiness. I sometimes think I can only believe in a god who hates my guts. So, clearly, prayer doesn't come easy.

LaFemme

Sounds like meditation would be especially Good for you:-) it does a lot more for people it doesn't come easily to:-) I hope this doesn't come across in an annoying way...but if God exists and God is love, then there is a reason for your life and ultimately it is a good one. And I always hated when people say that to me:-)

NewMe11109

For me, it is waking up and trying to think about how I can help others this day.

This is hard to do, and I fail at it regularly, but I am learning how to really take the "thy will not my will" to heart ... not in a religious way, but rather that it is really difficult to be miserable when you are helping someone else.

Plus, getting a good night sleep for me makes a HUGE difference.