Another family I didn't know about
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: back from the brink
Posts: 457
Another family I didn't know about
Well, bombshells of all bombshells came to me tonight! Not that it matters to me in any significant way - other than to say it may give me legal grounds to file another suit on him. I don't know.
I've learned that my XAH has had another family - with 2 children he's fathered - while he was married to me.
I guess he was busy doing more things than working while he was a "traveling salesman" - and I have no idea if this other family knows about this family.
This is the most bizarre thing I've ever imagined.
Not that I ever considered putting anything past him - he was capable IMO of such actions... I just have only read about these situations.
Wow. This takes the cake.
I've learned that my XAH has had another family - with 2 children he's fathered - while he was married to me.
I guess he was busy doing more things than working while he was a "traveling salesman" - and I have no idea if this other family knows about this family.
This is the most bizarre thing I've ever imagined.
Not that I ever considered putting anything past him - he was capable IMO of such actions... I just have only read about these situations.
Wow. This takes the cake.
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I have heard that alcoholism is cunning and baffling.....whew! that news is just stunning I would guess!
Talk about gaslighting...that is an outrageous one!
holy cow! That would surely set my mind awhirl!
Talk about gaslighting...that is an outrageous one!
holy cow! That would surely set my mind awhirl!
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 223
Wow, was he married to the other one? If so, did he marry her or you first? If he wasn't married, what lawsuit would you have?
This must have been a kick in the stomache. It's scary how little you can know a person you are married to. How did you find out?
This must have been a kick in the stomache. It's scary how little you can know a person you are married to. How did you find out?
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
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I had a good friend in TX with a similar discovery. My friend was the first wife, so hers was the legal marriage and hers the legitimate children. It was horrible and tragic and fairly surreal. She learned quickly to only share her story with safe recovery friends because it was highly controversial and the story would spread like wildfire.
I hope you are able to find a good and strong support system.
I hope you are able to find a good and strong support system.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: back from the brink
Posts: 457
We were married for 27 years.
Indeed, it was THE bombshell of my life so far!! Not that it matters now to me emotionally.
I've been trying to put all the pieces together, thinking back on the years, and what concurrently occurred at about that time. He traveled for his job, and would often be gone for several weeks at a time.
Now I know where all those credit card debts occurred - and what they were for! Even back 20 years, I was guarded with my own separate accounts, had my own business, ran the household, and he said he needed his own accounts because of his job. Ha. I guess so!
I found out from my oldest son. Several years ago he caught wind of something odd, and has been investigating it since. The internet is a valuable tool these days!
Weirdest thing I could have ever imagined.
Whether I'll pursue it any further, I haven't decided. I tend to think not, as it would only bring aspects of him back into my life, and I definitely don't want that.
Indeed, it was THE bombshell of my life so far!! Not that it matters now to me emotionally.
I've been trying to put all the pieces together, thinking back on the years, and what concurrently occurred at about that time. He traveled for his job, and would often be gone for several weeks at a time.
Now I know where all those credit card debts occurred - and what they were for! Even back 20 years, I was guarded with my own separate accounts, had my own business, ran the household, and he said he needed his own accounts because of his job. Ha. I guess so!
I found out from my oldest son. Several years ago he caught wind of something odd, and has been investigating it since. The internet is a valuable tool these days!
Weirdest thing I could have ever imagined.
Whether I'll pursue it any further, I haven't decided. I tend to think not, as it would only bring aspects of him back into my life, and I definitely don't want that.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Oh my GOD!!!!! What a shock for you and your family, and most likely for the other poor family as well. I was also married to and with my late XAH for 27 years, and cannot imagine how we would have faced or handled this sort of bombshell.
All I can do is empathise with you, and hope that the way it all pans out is able to keep him out of your life, and in no way cause you great hassles.
What stupid and hurtful things are done to innocent parties, by those whose brain seems to have moved from their heads to somewhere else in the anatomy.
God bless
All I can do is empathise with you, and hope that the way it all pans out is able to keep him out of your life, and in no way cause you great hassles.
What stupid and hurtful things are done to innocent parties, by those whose brain seems to have moved from their heads to somewhere else in the anatomy.
God bless
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello isurvived, and pleased to "meet" you 
I'm sorry to hear that you've discovered yet one more "toxic" behavior of your ex. It can be really mind-twisting.
My father was an alkie. When he passed away I ended up handling all the paperwork, as a result of which I discovered he had another wife halfway across the country. I found out I have two half-brothers and a half-sister. My step-mom turned out to be a really sweet lady, who truly loved my dad. Don't ask me why, he was a piece of work.
Other than step-mom and me, everybody else in the family went into massive over-drama over the news. Both families are quite toxic, and it doesn't take much to set them off.
I hope this news doesn't bring you any more pain or hardship. Clearly you've had enough.
Mike
I'm sorry to hear that you've discovered yet one more "toxic" behavior of your ex. It can be really mind-twisting.
My father was an alkie. When he passed away I ended up handling all the paperwork, as a result of which I discovered he had another wife halfway across the country. I found out I have two half-brothers and a half-sister. My step-mom turned out to be a really sweet lady, who truly loved my dad. Don't ask me why, he was a piece of work.
Other than step-mom and me, everybody else in the family went into massive over-drama over the news. Both families are quite toxic, and it doesn't take much to set them off.
I hope this news doesn't bring you any more pain or hardship. Clearly you've had enough.
Mike
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: West Palm Beach, Florida
Posts: 116
WOW! You're right, it does seem like you only read about this kind of thing, so to have it happen to you must be mind blowing. Thank GOD you are no longer with him and that your kids are grown( I'm assuming they are)....imagine the pain would be multiplied X10.
I myself and the "illegitimate" child. My mother got pregnant while my father was married with an entire family of his own. He was a boss in the Genovese crime family which made my mother a paranoid wreck the day I decided I wanted to meet him....If not for anything else, I look just like him and it's obvious I'm nothing like any of my "Lithuanian/mother's" side of the family...why on earth this married man give me his name at the hospital the day I was born is a total mystery.... He never sent my mother a dime and I am 44 years old and have never met him..
I myself and the "illegitimate" child. My mother got pregnant while my father was married with an entire family of his own. He was a boss in the Genovese crime family which made my mother a paranoid wreck the day I decided I wanted to meet him....If not for anything else, I look just like him and it's obvious I'm nothing like any of my "Lithuanian/mother's" side of the family...why on earth this married man give me his name at the hospital the day I was born is a total mystery.... He never sent my mother a dime and I am 44 years old and have never met him..
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
I used to work with a woman who found out after her father passed away that she had a step brother and sister, they had been neighbors for years.
I don't recall if he actually married the other woman.
Crazy stuff.
I don't recall if he actually married the other woman.
Crazy stuff.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Hi isurvived, this is truly mind blowing.
Just wanted to say you're handling it most remarquably.
Which means you're the most remarquable woman.
I always think it is most visible how well is someone doing in their recovery from their choice of words, and not what are they actually saying.
And, my dear, your words show great character and strenght.
I wish you well.
HUGS
Just wanted to say you're handling it most remarquably.
Which means you're the most remarquable woman.
I always think it is most visible how well is someone doing in their recovery from their choice of words, and not what are they actually saying.
And, my dear, your words show great character and strenght.
I wish you well.
HUGS
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: back from the brink
Posts: 457
Amazing the timing on this discovery. It could not have been revealed to me at a more appropriate time, as my youngest and last child left for college TODAY.
I have my mind on that for the most part, and feeling a bit sad that his young years have been completed, and my job as his provider also completed. BUT, I feel so proud of him, and myself for raising him alone since he was 14, providing for all his needs entirely on my own since then, and having it all work out so great. He's got a good mind, is considerate, has a wealth of common sense - and seems to have no tendencies toward any addictions! I'm looking forward to watching his life bloom in the coming years, and "popping my buttons" with pride in his accomplishments.
No parent can ask for more.
I have my mind on that for the most part, and feeling a bit sad that his young years have been completed, and my job as his provider also completed. BUT, I feel so proud of him, and myself for raising him alone since he was 14, providing for all his needs entirely on my own since then, and having it all work out so great. He's got a good mind, is considerate, has a wealth of common sense - and seems to have no tendencies toward any addictions! I'm looking forward to watching his life bloom in the coming years, and "popping my buttons" with pride in his accomplishments.
No parent can ask for more.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
I was so taken by your story yesterday that I had a dream about you last night.
I dreamt I came to your house, and we were talking and I asked you how did you found out, and you pointed me to your wall, with bits of wallpeper torn and the other one showing underneath, and you said: look, I was suspicious and I pealed this wallpaper off and look what I found, so I new it the same instant.
And we were smiling.
Really weird.
And I'm not into dreams at all, but this one was so powerful and it felt so real, and since it was about you I just wanted to share it.
take care
I dreamt I came to your house, and we were talking and I asked you how did you found out, and you pointed me to your wall, with bits of wallpeper torn and the other one showing underneath, and you said: look, I was suspicious and I pealed this wallpaper off and look what I found, so I new it the same instant.
And we were smiling.
Really weird.
And I'm not into dreams at all, but this one was so powerful and it felt so real, and since it was about you I just wanted to share it.
take care
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