Finding his strength, AND finding mine...
Learning to love life...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Finding his strength, AND finding mine...
He made it safe and sound... so far.
G just called me on his way to a buddies house a few hours away; it is getting dark and he will crash there for the night and head home tomorrow.
I was almost brought to tears after talking to him. Partly because I was so proud and happy for him that he made it thru this road trip without drinking; and partly because I felt such compassion for him and the tremendous struggle it was for him to resist the drinks. He said it was the hardest last night... They played very well, won the game and all the guys went out to celebrate. G went to Tim Hortons, grabbed a sub and a donut, and went to his hotel room to watch a movie; none of the guys called up to see how he was doing (they all know he is in recovery), and he was very bummed out.
And they played well again today.
He said that before the game he made up his mind to drink. He said that after the game he was driving to his buddies house a few hours away and he was gonne drink and do drugs all night... in a sick and twisted way he was really looking forward to it. But halfway thru the game, he had a change of heart... he told himself NO. He made up his mind again, and this time he decided NOT to drink. He said he felt a calm come over him, and he went back to focusing on his game.
He said today was really tough... that his mind works in crazy ways. He convinced himself that it was OK to drink; that he made it to 6 months (longer than he's ever maintained sobriety) and it was time to celebrate. He was sure that it would be OK, as long as he got himself sober again the next day, and began his recovery again.
Somehow, (by the grace of God) he reminded himself of how it felt the last time he used. He remembered the shame, fear and depression, and the hurt his behavior caused his family. He took a glance back at the minutes, days, weeks and months of his current sobriety, and THAT was enough; it was enough to remember the pain of his "active" disease and to recall the peace of these last 6 months of sobriety.
Today, again he chose to NOT drink... Lord am I grateful.
I literally bawled as I hung up the phone (they don't call me EMOTIONAL Meg for nuttin'!). I told him how proud I was of him that he found a way to make it thru this weekend, and how releived I was to hear that he was safe. But he said to me just before "Goodbye"... "I am still struggling here, even right now as we speak. I am only getting thru one minute at a time".
And I felt just a shred of his pain in that moment... It hurt so much to hear that he was barely making it, when he has made it so far these last few months. I wanted to take it all away - it still makes me angry that I can't.
But, I have a lot to be thankful for.
THIS time around was a little easier for me than the last time, and I'm sure I'll be a pro at this eventually. I figure I should BOLD print the serenity prayer on my bathroom mirror at times like these. You guys helped me to remember to stop trying to control, and find the true gift in giving it back to God.
Thanks so much
Take care guys
Meg
G just called me on his way to a buddies house a few hours away; it is getting dark and he will crash there for the night and head home tomorrow.
I was almost brought to tears after talking to him. Partly because I was so proud and happy for him that he made it thru this road trip without drinking; and partly because I felt such compassion for him and the tremendous struggle it was for him to resist the drinks. He said it was the hardest last night... They played very well, won the game and all the guys went out to celebrate. G went to Tim Hortons, grabbed a sub and a donut, and went to his hotel room to watch a movie; none of the guys called up to see how he was doing (they all know he is in recovery), and he was very bummed out.
And they played well again today.
He said that before the game he made up his mind to drink. He said that after the game he was driving to his buddies house a few hours away and he was gonne drink and do drugs all night... in a sick and twisted way he was really looking forward to it. But halfway thru the game, he had a change of heart... he told himself NO. He made up his mind again, and this time he decided NOT to drink. He said he felt a calm come over him, and he went back to focusing on his game.
He said today was really tough... that his mind works in crazy ways. He convinced himself that it was OK to drink; that he made it to 6 months (longer than he's ever maintained sobriety) and it was time to celebrate. He was sure that it would be OK, as long as he got himself sober again the next day, and began his recovery again.
Somehow, (by the grace of God) he reminded himself of how it felt the last time he used. He remembered the shame, fear and depression, and the hurt his behavior caused his family. He took a glance back at the minutes, days, weeks and months of his current sobriety, and THAT was enough; it was enough to remember the pain of his "active" disease and to recall the peace of these last 6 months of sobriety.
Today, again he chose to NOT drink... Lord am I grateful.
I literally bawled as I hung up the phone (they don't call me EMOTIONAL Meg for nuttin'!). I told him how proud I was of him that he found a way to make it thru this weekend, and how releived I was to hear that he was safe. But he said to me just before "Goodbye"... "I am still struggling here, even right now as we speak. I am only getting thru one minute at a time".
And I felt just a shred of his pain in that moment... It hurt so much to hear that he was barely making it, when he has made it so far these last few months. I wanted to take it all away - it still makes me angry that I can't.
But, I have a lot to be thankful for.
THIS time around was a little easier for me than the last time, and I'm sure I'll be a pro at this eventually. I figure I should BOLD print the serenity prayer on my bathroom mirror at times like these. You guys helped me to remember to stop trying to control, and find the true gift in giving it back to God.
Thanks so much
Take care guys
Meg
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
WOW!! I am so happy for you MEG.....You did great!!! and so did he! I can feel his pain through what you have written here. What a tough weekend for the both of you and you both came through it with flying colors!!
Blessings,
Constant
Blessings,
Constant
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
((((((Meg))))))
I can feel his pain too and yours as well. I think sometimes we forget that it's not easy to not drink or use, no matter how long they've been clean and sober. Some days it is a minute at a time. But he made it and what a blessing that is.
Probably the best part of it all was that he was able to share with you exactly what he was going through, and you were able to let him without panicking. You listened and you were supportive, which was just what he needed. You go girl!
I'm glad you guys made it through.
Hugs,
JG
I can feel his pain too and yours as well. I think sometimes we forget that it's not easy to not drink or use, no matter how long they've been clean and sober. Some days it is a minute at a time. But he made it and what a blessing that is.
Probably the best part of it all was that he was able to share with you exactly what he was going through, and you were able to let him without panicking. You listened and you were supportive, which was just what he needed. You go girl!
I'm glad you guys made it through.
Hugs,
JG
Learning to love life...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
I'm glad too.
Thanks.
And the biggest thing I learned this weekend?
That if you can find the strength to resist controlling things, and let go enough to hand it over to your HP, an amazing thing happens. You become open to accepting the lessons, and receiving the gifts. They say that it all comes "in time"... Now I know what they mean.
Meg
Thanks.
And the biggest thing I learned this weekend?
That if you can find the strength to resist controlling things, and let go enough to hand it over to your HP, an amazing thing happens. You become open to accepting the lessons, and receiving the gifts. They say that it all comes "in time"... Now I know what they mean
.Meg
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
MEG Consider yourself HUGGED,
We must be kinderd spirits...I can cry just reading the phone book.
I laugh about it now but didn't always. I'd stuff all the tears until I actually hurt, couldn't breathe, trying to be something or someone I was never intended to be....TODAY, I cry when ever I want to or need to...(at the very least the tears will wash any dirt out of my eyes)....My sponsor told me when I am crying the angels are dancing because it means I am really alive...no longer among the walking dead....
So if you ever need someone to cry with just let me know...I am an expert at it now.
Is the kitchen finished yet?
God Bless!
We must be kinderd spirits...I can cry just reading the phone book.
I laugh about it now but didn't always. I'd stuff all the tears until I actually hurt, couldn't breathe, trying to be something or someone I was never intended to be....TODAY, I cry when ever I want to or need to...(at the very least the tears will wash any dirt out of my eyes)....My sponsor told me when I am crying the angels are dancing because it means I am really alive...no longer among the walking dead....
So if you ever need someone to cry with just let me know...I am an expert at it now.
Is the kitchen finished yet?
God Bless!
Learning to love life...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Thanks insane, bonbon and Daff,
I'm working on the kitchen... I have been working on it for a while. The other day I woked it out in my head: 24 cupboard doors that need 1 coat of primer and 3 coats of paint each... thats 96 coats of paint... Is my math right?
Meg
I'm working on the kitchen... I have been working on it for a while. The other day I woked it out in my head: 24 cupboard doors that need 1 coat of primer and 3 coats of paint each... thats 96 coats of paint... Is my math right?
Meg
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Hey Meg....my cabinets need refinishing.....since ya have some experience are ya interested in helping?? I was supposed to have done it last summer, but it was so overwhelming that I never got started
Constant
Constant
Learning to love life...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Sorry Constant,
Can't help ya... cuz after this refinishing nightmare is over, I am retiring!!
Oh, and let me give you some advice: HIRE HELP! Trading spaces is FALSE advertisement for "do-it-yourself" home makeovers
LOL
Meg
Can't help ya... cuz after this refinishing nightmare is over, I am retiring!!
Oh, and let me give you some advice: HIRE HELP! Trading spaces is FALSE advertisement for "do-it-yourself" home makeovers
LOL
Meg
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
