Introduction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 138
Introduction
Hi all,
So I'm new here and new to trying to ditch my vice all together. My drug of choice was alcohol and whats prompting this change is hands down the worst decision and experience of my entire life. I really keep writing the following below over and over in different ways...there is no good or easy way to put it:
Got entirely too drunk at a friends house, he thought I was staying the night cause I feel asleep there, some point got up, decided to drive home (~1.5 miles). Bounced off a curb, low speed impact w/ small tree, continued driving, someone reported me to the police by this point. Police caught up to me, put into an ambulance as precaution. I drank so much I didn't even put my shoes/socks on when I left friends house. My memory is a complete blank from shortly after I got to my friends house until I the morning after in the hospital.
This is the first time I've ever even been pulled over in my life and I'm well over 20, first time I've gotten in trouble with the law. This is however not the first time drinking has caused me trouble in general.
My problem with drinking is not I that I drink everyday or feel an overwhelming urge to, its that once I start I don't know when to quit (unable to judge how intoxicated I am and lack the sense to stop, just keep going until I pass out or there is nothing left to drink). Couple that with having gross memory blackouts and no hangovers and it is an extremely dangerous combination.
My normal MO was drinking socially pretty much every weekend for as long as I can think back. I've tried to cut back and moderate it many many times, normally after I did something especially shameful/embarrassing. However, I always found myself pushing my limits and then I would always hit that point... the point where I just can't say no, and then **** would hit the fan again. There are almost countless shameful episodes...cheating on an ex-g/f, getting in fights with ex-gf (verbal), angering friends, breaking my finger, random bruises/cuts, passing out and getting drawn on, getting kicked out of a friends graduation party, even wetting myself while sleeping.
When I write it out I have no idea that all of the above did not teach me anything and it sucks that I had to go this far to decide that I need to stop drinking. I am so so so very happy that I did not hurt anyone while driving and given that any punishment I receive I gladly do so as I deserve it. My resolve, which I have communicated to my family (who are 100% on board with this) and my friends is that I need to stop drinking in it's entirety and that I want them to support me. This is the only way I can ensure I stop endangering others, hurting and putting burdens on my family and friends, ruining my future, and...well the list goes on and on.
My next steps are taking care of my legal/societal responsibilities and starting to attend some AA sessions.
-HidLid; sober for not a long enough period of time
So I'm new here and new to trying to ditch my vice all together. My drug of choice was alcohol and whats prompting this change is hands down the worst decision and experience of my entire life. I really keep writing the following below over and over in different ways...there is no good or easy way to put it:
Got entirely too drunk at a friends house, he thought I was staying the night cause I feel asleep there, some point got up, decided to drive home (~1.5 miles). Bounced off a curb, low speed impact w/ small tree, continued driving, someone reported me to the police by this point. Police caught up to me, put into an ambulance as precaution. I drank so much I didn't even put my shoes/socks on when I left friends house. My memory is a complete blank from shortly after I got to my friends house until I the morning after in the hospital.
This is the first time I've ever even been pulled over in my life and I'm well over 20, first time I've gotten in trouble with the law. This is however not the first time drinking has caused me trouble in general.
My problem with drinking is not I that I drink everyday or feel an overwhelming urge to, its that once I start I don't know when to quit (unable to judge how intoxicated I am and lack the sense to stop, just keep going until I pass out or there is nothing left to drink). Couple that with having gross memory blackouts and no hangovers and it is an extremely dangerous combination.
My normal MO was drinking socially pretty much every weekend for as long as I can think back. I've tried to cut back and moderate it many many times, normally after I did something especially shameful/embarrassing. However, I always found myself pushing my limits and then I would always hit that point... the point where I just can't say no, and then **** would hit the fan again. There are almost countless shameful episodes...cheating on an ex-g/f, getting in fights with ex-gf (verbal), angering friends, breaking my finger, random bruises/cuts, passing out and getting drawn on, getting kicked out of a friends graduation party, even wetting myself while sleeping.
When I write it out I have no idea that all of the above did not teach me anything and it sucks that I had to go this far to decide that I need to stop drinking. I am so so so very happy that I did not hurt anyone while driving and given that any punishment I receive I gladly do so as I deserve it. My resolve, which I have communicated to my family (who are 100% on board with this) and my friends is that I need to stop drinking in it's entirety and that I want them to support me. This is the only way I can ensure I stop endangering others, hurting and putting burdens on my family and friends, ruining my future, and...well the list goes on and on.
My next steps are taking care of my legal/societal responsibilities and starting to attend some AA sessions.
-HidLid; sober for not a long enough period of time
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
Congrats on your decision to stop drinking now. Your drinking patterns an issues mirror mine when I was in my early 20's. I wish I didn't take 20+ years to finally decide that I had enough. It would have saved me tens of thousands of dollars if not more, and I would be a much happier and much more successful person than I am now, not to mention the relationships that I have ruined and the embarrassment that I have put myself and my family through.
I truly wish you the best and I hope you stick to your decision because it will be the best decision you have ever made.
I truly wish you the best and I hope you stick to your decision because it will be the best decision you have ever made.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
Introduction.....
Hi HidLid, "Welcome to Sober Recovery"
My story is much the same only I didn't get involved with the police but should have many times. I ran off the road on a sharp turn once & ran into some brush & small alder trees. I managed to back out & got back on the road & the block & a half to home.
Perhaps if I had gotten a dui I would not have drank myself to the mess I was when I quit....I looked like a typical late-stage alcoholic with a firey red & scared look on my face even tho I had my own home, car, job, food, kids, but very low income which limited the amount of money I could spend on alcohol so did drink at home after work.
You have found a good place to get support from all over the world here. This has been such a help to me in my later years of sobriety. I got a good start with a medical detox & 30 day in-patient alcohol treatment. I started AA as soon as I was done with detox so was sober about two months before I went to treatment.
I had divorced my husband four years before & that is when my daily drinking started. I drank 28 years & mostly at home or at house parties with friends or co-workers of my husbands.
When I asked for help this time I wanted to quit drinking for myself more than anything else in the world. It seemed like an impossible job but I did it.
I will be looking for more posts & questions from you...this is going to be very hard financially depending on where you live & what your State & County require but it is all worth it in the end.
My story is much the same only I didn't get involved with the police but should have many times. I ran off the road on a sharp turn once & ran into some brush & small alder trees. I managed to back out & got back on the road & the block & a half to home.
Perhaps if I had gotten a dui I would not have drank myself to the mess I was when I quit....I looked like a typical late-stage alcoholic with a firey red & scared look on my face even tho I had my own home, car, job, food, kids, but very low income which limited the amount of money I could spend on alcohol so did drink at home after work.
You have found a good place to get support from all over the world here. This has been such a help to me in my later years of sobriety. I got a good start with a medical detox & 30 day in-patient alcohol treatment. I started AA as soon as I was done with detox so was sober about two months before I went to treatment.
I had divorced my husband four years before & that is when my daily drinking started. I drank 28 years & mostly at home or at house parties with friends or co-workers of my husbands.
When I asked for help this time I wanted to quit drinking for myself more than anything else in the world. It seemed like an impossible job but I did it.
I will be looking for more posts & questions from you...this is going to be very hard financially depending on where you live & what your State & County require but it is all worth it in the end.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Hi HidLid
You'll find a lot of support and encouragement here.
I flew past a lot of metaphorical signs too - coming here has helped me realise there are other better ways to live my life.
welcome
D
You'll find a lot of support and encouragement here.
I flew past a lot of metaphorical signs too - coming here has helped me realise there are other better ways to live my life.
welcome
D
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community......
Glad to know you are heading into a sober future.
I did not get into trouble each time I drank
but each time I got into serious problems..
.I was drinking......
me.
AA has been an awesome adventure in living as
a non drinker. I know it can be for you too!
Please do keep posting...many of us are winning over alcohol.
Glad to know you are heading into a sober future.
I did not get into trouble each time I drank
but each time I got into serious problems..
.I was drinking......
me.AA has been an awesome adventure in living as
a non drinker. I know it can be for you too!
Please do keep posting...many of us are winning over alcohol.
xuse
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Ga (Dixie Land)
Posts: 342
feel asleep last night during mondaynight football last night around 9 slept til alarm no wakeups til alarmclock went off as some of you no i had an anxiety attack yesterday that was bad out of nowhere i have been feeling ok since but i did not see the attack coming at all hopefully i will sleep as good tonight so my sleep will become normal today i plan on doing a couple of miles on the treadmill then maybe start back some wieght training i am now on day 10
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome HidLid -glad you're here!
That's it in a nutshell.... I could never bring myself to stop after a couple drinks either.I was lucky to avoid the police but that was a combination of shear luck and the fact that I drank mostly at home.
Take it one day at a time and make other plans ahead of time for the weekends so that you have something to look forward to. (With the money we spend on alcohol, we could all begin a new hobby
)
Hang in there - if we can do this, so can you!
I always found myself pushing my limits and then I would always hit that point... the point where I just can't say no
Take it one day at a time and make other plans ahead of time for the weekends so that you have something to look forward to. (With the money we spend on alcohol, we could all begin a new hobby
) Hang in there - if we can do this, so can you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 138
Speaking about hobbies, it really doesn't help that one of my hobbies was brewing beer with my friend, doh! It was kinda fun making stuff and having other people enjoy it though, but I can easily do that with cooking instead.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by HidLid 
its that once I start I don't know when to quit
That would be one facet of alcoholism. Another facet is, now that you have decided that you want to quit entirely, can you do so?
I found that I could not do that on my own, and that something more (much more) was required to keep me from starting again after I had stopped drinking for a time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 138
Originally Posted by keithj
Howdy, HidLid. In AA's Big Book, right before Ch. 1, the doctor in charge of a detox/rehab center at the time writes about that being the single symptom shared by every alcoholic, and never occuring in the non-alcoholic. He didn't think it was 'not knowing when to quit', but instead being unable to quit based on a unique physical reaction.
That would be one facet of alcoholism. Another facet is, now that you have decided that you want to quit entirely, can you do so?
I found that I could not do that on my own, and that something more (much more) was required to keep me from starting again after I had stopped drinking for a time.
That would be one facet of alcoholism. Another facet is, now that you have decided that you want to quit entirely, can you do so?
I found that I could not do that on my own, and that something more (much more) was required to keep me from starting again after I had stopped drinking for a time.
The 'can I do so' part is the one that remains to be seen and will never end. Suppose I live for another 50 years, is it likely I will pass 50 years without having alcohol? I would say it is not likely, but knowing that is not a reason to not try. I know that going forward, especially given that all my friends drink, will be difficult. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my friends, there is a heavy push from my parents to completely throw them away and cut off all contact, but these are friends I've had since middle school. My family also places the blame in the wrong spots, they keep blaming my friends for my decisions.
What I've tried to do in the past when trying to cut down (this approach was ultimately unsuccessful after many attempts mind you) was trying to keep in my mind all the bad things that have occurred as a result of drinking. I could keep this focus in the short term, but in the long term constantly thinking of bad experiences and negative thoughts...well my mind naturally rejected that way of thinking, its too depressing.
So moving forward I'm not sure what approach will work, but for other drugs (say marijuana), my friends used to smoke all the time and I never did. Why I never started is because I had preconditioned myself to just say no. Wasn't something where I pondered the benefits/drawbacks/etc, it was just an instant and ingrained 'no thanks.' I do wonder if I can reach this sort of conditioning when it comes to alcohol.
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