Didnt make it till sunday
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: bowling green ky
Posts: 201
Didnt make it till sunday
AH had a BG concert on Sat. night- lots of AA/NA suport there- no red flags for relapse, truely a great day. By noon the next day- he was drinking again. Now- I really tried to detach and distance, truely. He called and was honest - told him I love him- and I am concerned for him-- but he needed to call one f his sponsors. Which he refused to do. Ok- your recovery (of curse it hurts- and I am scared at this point, but hanging in there)- So I get home from wrk at 8pm last nite and he comes rolling in with a friend, his girlfriend and a child. He and the friendare drinking heavily. Iwasnt happy but decided not to make a scene i front of these ppl I dont even know. I sat outside with them and AH was tryig toget me to sit in his lap, love on him ect... which frankly I didnt much feel like- so I would smile and continue to sit where I was.
When company left (around midnite)- he decides he needs beer and cig's- right now. Let me preface this by saying- we are BROKE I mean not 1$ in our pockets BROKE literally- So anyway- company leaves- he's screaming at me to "find some money" and go get him some f'n beer. So I just walked in the house and went to bed. He put holes in the wall- tore up furniture- threw the biggest destructive tantrum you've ever seen- and I stayed in my bed. I will NOT buy him beer- he knows this.
So he leaves and cals my cell on the way out and says, "Thanks for all your help! Whatever happens from here is all on you bitch"
And this is a man that- 2days before announced to an entire audience of fans how much his wife meant to him- and how much he loved me. WOW- all this in 2 days. insanity!!
He's still gone.
When company left (around midnite)- he decides he needs beer and cig's- right now. Let me preface this by saying- we are BROKE I mean not 1$ in our pockets BROKE literally- So anyway- company leaves- he's screaming at me to "find some money" and go get him some f'n beer. So I just walked in the house and went to bed. He put holes in the wall- tore up furniture- threw the biggest destructive tantrum you've ever seen- and I stayed in my bed. I will NOT buy him beer- he knows this.
So he leaves and cals my cell on the way out and says, "Thanks for all your help! Whatever happens from here is all on you bitch"
And this is a man that- 2days before announced to an entire audience of fans how much his wife meant to him- and how much he loved me. WOW- all this in 2 days. insanity!!
He's still gone.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
I went back and looked at your past posts and came up with the first one you posted here back in October 2004!
I feel so down today, my AH is driving me crazy, one day I think I want to run as far and fast as I can, and then the next I want to make it work with everything in me. am I looney?
He was up until 3am this morning- I woke up and found him on the computer- I looked at his phone later (i know- not the right thing to do) and found out he had been calling his crack dealer- didn't get him I guess because he didn't leave. Crack is his addiction#2- whiskey being his #1-
I do love my husband- I really can't stand the thought of being without him, and I know he loves me, but it is such a vicous cycle with him- he drinks every day (alot) he has started a car detailing business out of our home- which makes some money- but i know he'll probably never hold a steady job- I had to hire a sitter (that i reallllly can't afford) to keep our son because I don't trust him to keep him- what have i allowed my life to become. My AH is a sweet, sweet man (when he's sober) and I see the shame in his eyes when he does something stupid (although it doesn't keep it from happening again- at least not for long
Mostly though, I am just so sad, sad because I will never have that life I dreamed of with him- sad because he will probably die early of some disease that was caused by his lifestyle, sad because if he doesn't die that way it will be in a DUI related wreck
just sad period
thanks for listening
How long are you going to continue to put up with this?
I feel so down today, my AH is driving me crazy, one day I think I want to run as far and fast as I can, and then the next I want to make it work with everything in me. am I looney?
He was up until 3am this morning- I woke up and found him on the computer- I looked at his phone later (i know- not the right thing to do) and found out he had been calling his crack dealer- didn't get him I guess because he didn't leave. Crack is his addiction#2- whiskey being his #1-
I do love my husband- I really can't stand the thought of being without him, and I know he loves me, but it is such a vicous cycle with him- he drinks every day (alot) he has started a car detailing business out of our home- which makes some money- but i know he'll probably never hold a steady job- I had to hire a sitter (that i reallllly can't afford) to keep our son because I don't trust him to keep him- what have i allowed my life to become. My AH is a sweet, sweet man (when he's sober) and I see the shame in his eyes when he does something stupid (although it doesn't keep it from happening again- at least not for long
Mostly though, I am just so sad, sad because I will never have that life I dreamed of with him- sad because he will probably die early of some disease that was caused by his lifestyle, sad because if he doesn't die that way it will be in a DUI related wreck
just sad period
thanks for listening
How long are you going to continue to put up with this?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: England
Posts: 137
This really is a case of going to far, but we all know there is no reasoning with a drunk person, so he would have been unable to grasp that there was no money to go buy the beer and cigs even if you were willing to.
It is unforgivable that he lurched into your house with his friend, his friends gf and a child, then carried on drinking in front of the child, all 3 of them should be ashamed of themselves, and all 3 of then certainly have no respect for you or any sense of moral responsibility for that child.
It is heartbreaking that he punched holes and in the walls, ripped up the furniture and verbally abused you, knowing that you have no money to replace any of this, but that does not matter to him all he cares about is where he is going to get his next drink, and whats more putting the responsibility onto you to find the money and get it for him. Geeze the man has some front, and abusing you when you cant or wont do as he says.
Where was your own son (I know you mentioned him in one of your posts), I hope he was out or with a sitter.
I feel so sry for your circumstances but he has had a lot of chances, you are now broke, the house destroyed and have been abused horribly. In my opinion he needs to be told he cannot live with you whilst he is drinking and must prove that he is not before coming back, that is if in fact you do want him back at all.
By keep letting him get away with this behaviour gives him a green light to keep doing it. He comes home, cries,begs, pleads, promises, you believe him, he does it again.
Best of luck hun, but take a very good look at what the future holds for you and your son if you dont make a firm stand now.
Suzie x
It is unforgivable that he lurched into your house with his friend, his friends gf and a child, then carried on drinking in front of the child, all 3 of them should be ashamed of themselves, and all 3 of then certainly have no respect for you or any sense of moral responsibility for that child.
It is heartbreaking that he punched holes and in the walls, ripped up the furniture and verbally abused you, knowing that you have no money to replace any of this, but that does not matter to him all he cares about is where he is going to get his next drink, and whats more putting the responsibility onto you to find the money and get it for him. Geeze the man has some front, and abusing you when you cant or wont do as he says.
Where was your own son (I know you mentioned him in one of your posts), I hope he was out or with a sitter.
I feel so sry for your circumstances but he has had a lot of chances, you are now broke, the house destroyed and have been abused horribly. In my opinion he needs to be told he cannot live with you whilst he is drinking and must prove that he is not before coming back, that is if in fact you do want him back at all.
By keep letting him get away with this behaviour gives him a green light to keep doing it. He comes home, cries,begs, pleads, promises, you believe him, he does it again.
Best of luck hun, but take a very good look at what the future holds for you and your son if you dont make a firm stand now.
Suzie x
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Originally Posted by suki44883 
I went back and looked at your past posts and came up with the first one you posted here back in October 2004!
I feel so down today, my AH is driving me crazy, one day I think I want to run as far and fast as I can, and then the next I want to make it work with everything in me. am I looney?
He was up until 3am this morning- I woke up and found him on the computer- I looked at his phone later (i know- not the right thing to do) and found out he had been calling his crack dealer- didn't get him I guess because he didn't leave. Crack is his addiction#2- whiskey being his #1-
I do love my husband- I really can't stand the thought of being without him, and I know he loves me, but it is such a vicous cycle with him- he drinks every day (alot) he has started a car detailing business out of our home- which makes some money- but i know he'll probably never hold a steady job- I had to hire a sitter (that i reallllly can't afford) to keep our son because I don't trust him to keep him- what have i allowed my life to become. My AH is a sweet, sweet man (when he's sober) and I see the shame in his eyes when he does something stupid (although it doesn't keep it from happening again- at least not for long
Mostly though, I am just so sad, sad because I will never have that life I dreamed of with him- sad because he will probably die early of some disease that was caused by his lifestyle, sad because if he doesn't die that way it will be in a DUI related wreck
just sad period
thanks for listening
How long are you going to continue to put up with this?
I feel so down today, my AH is driving me crazy, one day I think I want to run as far and fast as I can, and then the next I want to make it work with everything in me. am I looney?
He was up until 3am this morning- I woke up and found him on the computer- I looked at his phone later (i know- not the right thing to do) and found out he had been calling his crack dealer- didn't get him I guess because he didn't leave. Crack is his addiction#2- whiskey being his #1-
I do love my husband- I really can't stand the thought of being without him, and I know he loves me, but it is such a vicous cycle with him- he drinks every day (alot) he has started a car detailing business out of our home- which makes some money- but i know he'll probably never hold a steady job- I had to hire a sitter (that i reallllly can't afford) to keep our son because I don't trust him to keep him- what have i allowed my life to become. My AH is a sweet, sweet man (when he's sober) and I see the shame in his eyes when he does something stupid (although it doesn't keep it from happening again- at least not for long
Mostly though, I am just so sad, sad because I will never have that life I dreamed of with him- sad because he will probably die early of some disease that was caused by his lifestyle, sad because if he doesn't die that way it will be in a DUI related wreck
just sad period
thanks for listening
How long are you going to continue to put up with this?
Might be time to try something different? I know you must have learned something small you could do differently to try and make YOUR life better.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
Let go or be dragged. This stuff was exhausting. I eventually realized I was in love with his "potential", not who he really was. Who he really was was a drunk who wanted to drink more than he wanted a healthy life with me. A friend looked at me and said he's just a drunk....and...... it is progressive. I hope you protect your son and break the cycle. Now 3 yrs. past divorce I am so much better. I didn't think I would make it without him......I am so making it!
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I hope you will call the police and show them the damage he caused in his rage. You have a small child in your home. Please get protection for your child and yourself.
I'm sorry that this has happened. Alcoholism is progressive. Each time he abstains, then picks back up - it is as if he never stopped.
I'm sorry that this has happened. Alcoholism is progressive. Each time he abstains, then picks back up - it is as if he never stopped.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Kentucky domestic violence association
Kentucky Domestic Violence Association
1-800-799 SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TDD)
Your country takes these issues very seriously. Please, if you have the means to improve your life, use them. Do it for all the women that have no line to call... no shelter to go to.
Kentucky Domestic Violence Association
1-800-799 SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TDD)
Your country takes these issues very seriously. Please, if you have the means to improve your life, use them. Do it for all the women that have no line to call... no shelter to go to.
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
sweetheart,
you are right, his actions are insane, and that he can spiral out of control so quickly is frightening, I recognise now looking back at my own situation when living with an actively drinking AH feeling very scared a lot of the time; I didn't really know that I was scared at the time, adrenaline pumping, unable to sleep because i didn't know what he would do next.
You handled a very difficult situation with an abusive man in a way that kept you safe, and I think you should recognise that your actions kept you safe that night. His attitude towards you and your home, are abusive though, and that damages us even if we are not physically hurt, I became less able to hold boundaries, less firm, more placatory, walking on eggshells, trying to predict his moods, without even realising that was what I was doing, because I was always trying to manage the uncertainty, and I was exhausted with it, too tired to get a hold on perspective, and to really think about where this was going, or what I wanted, whether I was even slightly happy, or even what was acceptable in any relationship. I needed time to think and I couldn't do it when in the thick of all the craziness and abuse.
From my perspective looking in, what has happened very much qualifies as a crisis, one where some action on your part to get some stability into your life to give you time to rest and think. How do you feel about getting away for a while? Giving yourself some time to process this? If you can't get away or that would not be your best choice, what he has done warrants a restraining order, and part of recovery from codependency is to allow others to carry the full burden of the consequences of their actions. Protecting him from this consequence, however contrite he may appear, would be doing just that.
getting some space and some protection for yourself does not necessarily mean you have to end the relationship if that is what you decide is best for you, it can be just a breather, I think at the very least you deserve that, no-one deserves the treatment that you are being subjected to.
I hope you are okay.
you are right, his actions are insane, and that he can spiral out of control so quickly is frightening, I recognise now looking back at my own situation when living with an actively drinking AH feeling very scared a lot of the time; I didn't really know that I was scared at the time, adrenaline pumping, unable to sleep because i didn't know what he would do next.
You handled a very difficult situation with an abusive man in a way that kept you safe, and I think you should recognise that your actions kept you safe that night. His attitude towards you and your home, are abusive though, and that damages us even if we are not physically hurt, I became less able to hold boundaries, less firm, more placatory, walking on eggshells, trying to predict his moods, without even realising that was what I was doing, because I was always trying to manage the uncertainty, and I was exhausted with it, too tired to get a hold on perspective, and to really think about where this was going, or what I wanted, whether I was even slightly happy, or even what was acceptable in any relationship. I needed time to think and I couldn't do it when in the thick of all the craziness and abuse.
From my perspective looking in, what has happened very much qualifies as a crisis, one where some action on your part to get some stability into your life to give you time to rest and think. How do you feel about getting away for a while? Giving yourself some time to process this? If you can't get away or that would not be your best choice, what he has done warrants a restraining order, and part of recovery from codependency is to allow others to carry the full burden of the consequences of their actions. Protecting him from this consequence, however contrite he may appear, would be doing just that.
getting some space and some protection for yourself does not necessarily mean you have to end the relationship if that is what you decide is best for you, it can be just a breather, I think at the very least you deserve that, no-one deserves the treatment that you are being subjected to.
I hope you are okay.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
When is enough-enough for you? To me, he is dangerous, I would get a restraining order and show him the door.
Your child deserves better, this is not fair to your child, they hear and see everything and living in this toxic home is very harmful to a child's well being.
Your child deserves better, this is not fair to your child, they hear and see everything and living in this toxic home is very harmful to a child's well being.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Like the song from the movie "Madagascar" says......MOVE IT, MOVE IT, MOVE IT.
In other words it is over time for you to see that his words are only words, and by his actions he has shown that you and family and ALL else is second to his addiction.
He has lied, and is still telling you porkies, drinking, disrespecting you and your home, and being an offensive, abusive, uncaring jerk, and you are still hovering around waiting for change.
Make it happen now, before it gets worse.
God bless
In other words it is over time for you to see that his words are only words, and by his actions he has shown that you and family and ALL else is second to his addiction.
He has lied, and is still telling you porkies, drinking, disrespecting you and your home, and being an offensive, abusive, uncaring jerk, and you are still hovering around waiting for change.
Make it happen now, before it gets worse.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
hi ellima-
my situation went from him punching the walls or throwing things to him attacking me. smashing things up is violence.
for myself, i had to remove myself from living with him. it was too dangerous.
if you wish to pursue a relationship with your husband, can you not do so from the safety of your own space? that way, if he was drunk, you could make your exit with your son to your own place.
a good rule with violent drunks is to not be around them when they are drunk.
i know how it feels to be trapped in my room with the raging drunk threatening me or worse, out on the street doing lord knows what.
i hear you that you are broke. i was broke too when i moved out. literally. is there any one you know with financial resources that can help you get out and get on your feet? i asked my friends and family and also, local resources for help to move out of a violent situation. there was lots of help available once i started to ask and look around.
i'm sorry you're going thru this but there is a way out. you don't have to leave your husband if you don't want to, but please do consider getting you own space somehow so that you can simply walk out of this type of episode next time.
naive
my situation went from him punching the walls or throwing things to him attacking me. smashing things up is violence.
for myself, i had to remove myself from living with him. it was too dangerous.
if you wish to pursue a relationship with your husband, can you not do so from the safety of your own space? that way, if he was drunk, you could make your exit with your son to your own place.
a good rule with violent drunks is to not be around them when they are drunk.
i know how it feels to be trapped in my room with the raging drunk threatening me or worse, out on the street doing lord knows what.
i hear you that you are broke. i was broke too when i moved out. literally. is there any one you know with financial resources that can help you get out and get on your feet? i asked my friends and family and also, local resources for help to move out of a violent situation. there was lots of help available once i started to ask and look around.
i'm sorry you're going thru this but there is a way out. you don't have to leave your husband if you don't want to, but please do consider getting you own space somehow so that you can simply walk out of this type of episode next time.
naive
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