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What do you do instead?

Old 08-15-2010, 07:57 PM
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Question What do you do instead?

Hi all, first time visitor/first post here.

I drink fairly heavily every day (in the evenings) and have wanted to quit for ages. I feel like my main issue, is what I would do instead? Life seems boring with alcohol to me and even with the passtimes I do enjoy, I'd rather be at home drinking.

I'm just asking what else you guys/gals do instead of getting lashed, I mean, as a distraction or to take your mind of it?

Any suggestions would be great. Im sick of getting drunk, I dont enjoy it and really want to QUIT.

Thanks for listening,

GZ
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Old 08-15-2010, 08:05 PM
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I spend a lot of time on the computer, if you notice the number of posts here!

I also go to AA meetings, listen to music (something I'd forgotten how to enjoy), read (I've always loved reading but was too fogged up to focus when I was drinking). I SHOULD be cleaning the house more often and getting some exercise!

Lots of folks pick up hobbies--new ones or old ones. You can write or journal. Take up meditation. Do volunteer work.

It takes awhile before not drinking feels "normal"--you have to be willing to be a little uncomfortable until you get used to it.

Do you have a plan for how you are going to quit drinking? Have you ever tried it before? A lot of us find it is very difficult to do alone, and that the support of AA or a similar program helps a lot.
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Old 08-15-2010, 08:19 PM
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Originally Posted by generalzod View Post
Life seems boring with alcohol to me
GZ
I'm sorry, this was too good a slip to let slide....I'm assuming you meant "without" not "with":-)

The truth is many of us thought the same as you at one time. Everyone adjusts differently, but I have a question for you...what did you do for fun as a kid? Life before booze was awesome (at least for me), I am trying to rediscover an authentic joy of life as oppossed to my false enjoyment of life as viewed through the haze of alcohol.
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Old 08-15-2010, 08:38 PM
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Hi generalzod

This list usually gets people thinking

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html

Basically you can do whatever you want to do - so long as you don't drink with it

Me? I started spending a lot of time here LOL

Welcome aboard
D
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Old 08-15-2010, 08:48 PM
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I do the things I couldn't do when I was drunk --

I read. When I was drunk, I read, but I was too out of it to really understand what was going on. I've actually spent a fair amount of time re-reading series I read when I was drunk.

I watch movies. Since I'm not drunk, I can, you know, follow the story-lines and actually see the subtle messages the film makers are trying to convey.

I talk to likeminded people here at SR. I also like to just surf the internet. I find the most interesting things.

I research topics of interest. The past two months I've devoted myself to researching Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow. I've studied the facts vs. the romantic myths. I've read several biographies and watched a few documentaries. I've been working (with little luck) on verifying my late grandfather's claim that we are distant cousins of Bonnie Parker. Yes, it's a silly thing to spend time on, but it's all been very interesting.

For me, though, a lot of what I really enjoy is what I don't do now that I'm sober.

I don't hurt people with mean words.

I don't show up late for appointments or flake out.

I don't drive around drunk.

I don't spend a small fortune on alcohol.

I don't wake up with hangovers.

Oh, by the way

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Old 08-15-2010, 08:50 PM
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I agree with Lexie's statement:
It takes awhile before not drinking feels "normal"
I honestly didn't know what to do with myself at first, either. Nothing seemed interesting and all I could think of was drinking, or rather NOT drinking. I spent a lot of time here as well because I really needed to get support and remind myself over and over why sobriety was/is so important.

I didn't really want to stop getting my buzz but it had turned on me and it wasn't fun anymore. It may have been a relief to have those few drinks, but the few drinks turned into too many drinks, a hangover, and a lot of work to try to control it, hide it, and appear normal to everyone. I also started to sense that my health was going to get bad if I kept pouring.

I'm glad you're here. There are so many things to do in life, but if you don't see them at first, just give it time. It will come!!:ghug3
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Old 08-15-2010, 08:54 PM
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It is not direct answer for your question though. One of the most important gift of sobriety is that I am not suffer boring anymore even when I am alone in my room. I can enjoy alone and think anything without drink and fear.
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Old 08-15-2010, 08:57 PM
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GZ, there is wanting to quit and then there is wanting to quit. Lots of people believe you have to reach your bottom to really want to quit. (I have really short arms so that was not an option for me)

It is difficult to imagine what change means before you actually get there. Talk to someone about living without a car, or a TV, or a computer, or drinking, and if those things are dear to them, they cannot envision what life would be like without them. Billions and billions of people have lived rich fulfilling lives without any of those things. GZ life is very short, and it is the most excellent adventure you can have. You can live it, or watch through the bottom of a glass. I don't think that you will reach the end of your life wishing you had drank more.
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Old 08-15-2010, 09:03 PM
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Hi General,

I also drank every night to numb myself from, well, not sure what, but I definitely got the job done every night so I wouldn't have to be there, present in the moment.

My first few evenings I spent laying on the couch wrapped in a huge blanket, with half dozen pillows propping me up, not talking much (definitely wasn't much in the mood for conversation), reading, reading, reading the posts on here.

I never drank during the day so my days didn't change much at all, except the lack of headache, crabbiness, and feeling terrible.

Around 6 pm was when it became difficult. I became agitated, restless, and like your question in your post wondering, "What in the h*ll do I do with myself for the next 6 hours?"

I had different plans that worked to take my mind of wanting to drink.

Plan 1: Hole-up on the couch like I mentioned. My evening included nothing but me, this website (SR), the pillows, blanket, ice cream, diet soda, and lounging on the couch. When my partner wanted to talk to me I kept it simple: short, polite responses. Often our significant others want to support us with hugs, loving questions, and endless conversations about not drinking and how we're feeling, but for me I needed to keep a narrow focus during the first night or two: remind myself of why drinking was not working for me by reading post after post on here, and receive support from everyone here who could relate to what I was going through.

Plan 2: Go to the gym at night, even late. I found that sweating it out on the treadmill for 60-90 minutes was like some sort of cleansing. During the hour on the treadmill I find that the craving is gone; completely gone. It also killed an hour or two of the evening. And, I felt good that I was active, burning calories, and doing something good for my body.

Plan 3: Force yourself to do something during the evening that you normally did while drinking, but do it sober. I love editing videos on my computer at night, and I always drank while doing it. I sat myself down in front of the computer and did it anyway. I admit at first it was hard but I still enjoyed it and it passed the time.

Plan 4: Walk the dog.

Plan 5: Call someone. An old friend, relative, coworker and chat. This was also strange at first because one of my old 'favorite' (sneer) things to do was to drink and talk endlessly on the phone. Yeah, I'm cringing as I write that; how I must have sounded! This, like editing the videos, was something I wanted to retrain myself to enjoy sober. After one or two times I found it to be enjoyable.
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Old 08-15-2010, 09:05 PM
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Originally Posted by lildawg View Post
I don't hurt people with mean words.

I don't show up late for appointments or flake out.

I don't drive around drunk.

I don't spend a small fortune on alcohol.

I don't wake up with hangovers.

Oh, by the way

This is so right. Remind yourself of what you're not doing.

Last edited by MelindaFlowers; 08-15-2010 at 09:08 PM. Reason: Clarification
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Old 08-15-2010, 09:11 PM
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LOL I don't know. I've been drunk since I was 15 so I'd listen to the others. Great suggestions. Good luck to you and please don't give up.
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Old 08-16-2010, 04:11 AM
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Thanks to all of your for your fantastic replies!

@Melinda: That all struck a note for sure. 6pm is my witching hour. I'm actually fine all day but in the evening I love editing my photos while drinking. I actually become more creative. It's the fidget I get if I dont drink...I'm like 'what else am I going to do?'.

@LaFemme: I used to go skateboarding, meet up with friends a lot. A lot of my friends are too busy/lazy to even meet up. Thats part of the problem. I do have lots of other things I enjoy, weights/gym, etc. I just find the idea of drinking more appealing. Would you believe I used to be a fitness model!!! I'd love to get back into that sort of shape. I could do it 6 months if I was focused. Problem is, I;ve not managed a week off the bottle in the last 3 years now.

@ Everyone else. Tonight will be the first night, probably since I had a cold or whatever that I've not drunk. I'm pretty sure 1 night will be ok, maybe even 2. If I make it to this time next week without a drop, I'll be OVER THE MOON. Fingers crossed, here goes...

gz
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Old 08-16-2010, 04:25 AM
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Yeah General! Good luck!

Regarding your lazy friends, maybe its time to get some new ones;-)

Motivation is a big one, until you said it I hadn't really focused on how much alcohol had robbed me of my motivation....its starting to come back, thankfully, but hearing you say it I realize how much "easier" I let it be to drink instead of doing the things I really wanted to do! Wow!
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Old 08-16-2010, 06:06 AM
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Old 08-16-2010, 06:11 AM
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Old 08-16-2010, 06:33 AM
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Hi GZ - Great suggestions here!

One thing I would like to share about what was true for me....my drinking created a lot of useless drama and anxiety in my life....I was an evenings- only drinker, and despite the many other stupid, reckless things I did while drinking, I never drove drunk - so I would find myself pacing restlessly waiting for one of the kids activities to be over so I could get home and get a drink. Or I would be agitated knowing that I had to go out in the evening instead of staying home drinking.

So, when I quit, I started focusing on the PEACE that quitting brought to even the simplest things. If I needed to run out unexpectedly in the evening, it was a new sense of freedom to just be able to grab the truck keys and go. It was like being released from a sort of self-induced agorophobia!

Of course, most of my "running out in the evening" consists of picking up kids or dropping them off, etc., nothing much more exciting than that for me to share , and I still almost 3 years later am grateful for the PEACE of not being drunk.

The sky's the limit as to what you can do and where you can go without alcohol in you life! And don't forget to notice how peaceful you'll feel.

Best wishes,
Jomey
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Old 08-16-2010, 03:28 PM
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It was like being released from a sort of self-induced agorophobia!
I like that one, Jomey!

I was just thinking that, where boredom is concerned, it's not that sobriety is boring, but it IS different. It wasn't until I had a chance to acclimate myself that I began to see that it wasn't just different, it was infinity better.

I guess my point is that it's like moving to a new town - it's totally disorienting.
Give yourself time to unpack the boxes, get your cable turned on, find the local grocery store, make a couple friends, etc. etc........... Just keep going (you can do it!!)
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Old 08-16-2010, 03:37 PM
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"Getting lashed"......well that about sums it up for me every time I pick up a drink, lol.


Sounds like counting rocks outside in my yard could be more fun.
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Old 08-16-2010, 03:44 PM
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GeneralZ, a lot of good things here as you can see. Good people here who are willing to give there time to help. And, they also care.

So you will find things to do to use up your time. Life still goes on after putting down the drink.

Not only that, you get yourself back. A person you will like and will be happy with.

Good luck, you can do this.

Harry
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Old 08-19-2010, 03:38 AM
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You've all been really inspirational, I wish I'd found this forum before. But then I probably wasn't ready to quit because I didnt really look for support!

Anyway, it's felt like a long week but I'm confidant I'll go the whole 7 days without a drink. Turns out I'm better at occupying myself than I thought and anytime I consider having a drop, I just immediately dismiss the idea and do something lese rather than dwelling on it.

Thanks all for your advice. I'll post again once the hell week is over (actually it'd been pretty good and I feel so happy knowing that this habit can be broken!)

gz
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