lulu1974

Hello my dear friends (((SR)))
It ocurred to me today after I didnt want to run my errands or leave the house that in a little shy of a month it will be one year since I kicked him out. Its also been 10 weeks of total no contact. Even though he has done some sh*tty things he has heard nothing from me. Not a peep. No reactions to him at all. It hasnt been easy but I am doing it. And you are right, it is bringing me peace.

So its like New Years is approaching for me New beginnings. I have to think about what I have done and what I want to do.

I still think I am lazy about therapy and Alanon. Although I almost made it to my home group this morning. I have been VERY tired this year But there are some changes I wanted to make. I am taking some time off school..well this coming semester. I would like to work out more and be healthier and not be so depressed. Although I feel that on many more days I feel it lifting more and more. And I want to quit smoking again because I think it contributes to my depression.

I do want to admit this here though because it fascinates me. I only miss him when I am lonely. Then when I think of someone GREAT in my life one day and can visualize it I know I never want him back again. So weird how the mind works.

So I am making my New Years plans for September 13th. I wont be divorced yet but on the day I am divorced I will make that my Independence Day holiday. Maybe on my wedding anniversary in November I will take a funeral day from work Something DID die for Pete's sake

And the one thing I have learned is....its really hard to change. But I have to. I hate my life. I dont know what to do with it. But I know this past year I needed the rest so I will take it easy. Next year I will be in Bali and Italy around this time so I better be happy before then!!

Hugs
Lulu

coffeedrinker

this is mostly true for me as well.

CatsPajamas

I went shopping one day and found the most amazing ring at a jewelry store. It was a London Blue Topaz, something I had always wanted. I decided to buy it for myself as a celebration and a reminder. I had it sized, and picked it up on the day my divorce was final. It's a lovely ring and I treasure it to this day - a visual reminder of the beginning of my wonderful new life.

Perhaps you can do something special for yourself, too!

Summerpeach

((((hugs))))). boy do I feel your pain.

Starting over is so hard, you're still left with the fumes of his destruction. What's always got me out of these messes (and will get me out of my new mess) is to just keep moving forward, pain and all.
Work out, see friends, write, read and just find myself again.

TakingCharge999

My dad lived in Bali. It is BEAUTIFUL.
I agree with CatsPajamas.
I love birds of paradise flowers. I plan to buy them for me, every chance I got, no reason other than remembering I am human, with my own tastes and the right to enjoy what I enjoy...often.

DMC

Hugs, divorce-buddy. (I say this because I feel like we've been sort of on the same timeline...)

NC makes things so much easier! I have been essentially NC for nearly 6 months. And I emailed him 2 weeks ago saying that I wasn't going to pay his student loans anymore. He wrote back today saying he got an email from me Feb 5th saying I was going to pay them if he didn't mess with my retirement.

I have started to compose a reply (saying buddy, you didn't agree to anything, and I said I'd consider paying the balance... but again, you just whined that you didn't want me to file. And I'm still paying on tons of other stuff...)

Anyway, I haven't sent it. But any sort of contact does throw me for a brief loop.

Hang in there... I'll be at a year of separation next month - and no divorce in sight. Ug.