I was good at hiding it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: midwest
Posts: 20
I was good at hiding it
I haven't had a drink in 4 days!
I did the math tonight (since my brainz feel like they're starting to almost work properly again..hehee) - and I had been a heavy drinker for 17 years. wow.
The past 17 years of my life I have held jobs, had relationships, made friends, all in a fog. All in between my need to get home or get to the bar or get to the gas station to get my fix. Beer had always been my fix. And I always did prefer to do it alone. I made my bed (which is a wonderful house that I own - with no husband to nag at me or children to get in the way of drinking) and I almost died in it last week. 2 cases of beer in 2 days, no food, black-outs, passed out with the stove on, forgot to give my dog water, fell down and skinned up my body pretty bad with no recollection of it, pissed the bed, the floor, the couch. Woke up for work the next day, took my anti-depressant and was so violently sick I had to call in to work. This was my rock bottom. This was where I finally realized I can't take another drink or I will lose my job, and my life. I realized I was putting my pets in so much danger by drinking - if they didn't have me to care for them properly they would suffer - that is the worst thing I can think of. I'm sure they were scared of me when I was in the state. I hate that I did that. so friggin sad. and so NOT ME! So that **** is over with now. No more beer forever....
I've been to 3 AA meetings now, which really has made it easier to stay clean. Tonight I wanted to give this forum a try and take a break from meetings. Tomorrow I plan on attending a meeting though. Thank you for listening.
I did the math tonight (since my brainz feel like they're starting to almost work properly again..hehee) - and I had been a heavy drinker for 17 years. wow.
The past 17 years of my life I have held jobs, had relationships, made friends, all in a fog. All in between my need to get home or get to the bar or get to the gas station to get my fix. Beer had always been my fix. And I always did prefer to do it alone. I made my bed (which is a wonderful house that I own - with no husband to nag at me or children to get in the way of drinking) and I almost died in it last week. 2 cases of beer in 2 days, no food, black-outs, passed out with the stove on, forgot to give my dog water, fell down and skinned up my body pretty bad with no recollection of it, pissed the bed, the floor, the couch. Woke up for work the next day, took my anti-depressant and was so violently sick I had to call in to work. This was my rock bottom. This was where I finally realized I can't take another drink or I will lose my job, and my life. I realized I was putting my pets in so much danger by drinking - if they didn't have me to care for them properly they would suffer - that is the worst thing I can think of. I'm sure they were scared of me when I was in the state. I hate that I did that. so friggin sad. and so NOT ME! So that **** is over with now. No more beer forever....
I've been to 3 AA meetings now, which really has made it easier to stay clean. Tonight I wanted to give this forum a try and take a break from meetings. Tomorrow I plan on attending a meeting though. Thank you for listening.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi Vertigo
I'm glad you made it here. I look back at some of the death defying things I did and I'm amazed.
You'll find a lot of support here - nothing that says you can't post here and go to face to face support though
Look forward to seeing you around,
D
I'm glad you made it here. I look back at some of the death defying things I did and I'm amazed.
You'll find a lot of support here - nothing that says you can't post here and go to face to face support though
Look forward to seeing you around,
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: midwest
Posts: 20
Thank you Dee74 - I think I WILL use both this and meetings to help with staying sober. The more people I can meet who have been to the depths and can relate, the less alone I feel. 
I am looking forward to the years to come and actually remembering them! yay!
I am looking forward to the years to come and actually remembering them! yay!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Congrats on 4 days, that's awesome...you sound like you have a great attitude and a solid plan.
I can tell my dogs are so much happier now that I am sober (34 days:-)...I am sure your sobriety will be much appreciated by your dogs too:-)
I beat the crap out of myself as well, thankfully the body has a remarkable ability to heal.
I can tell my dogs are so much happier now that I am sober (34 days:-)...I am sure your sobriety will be much appreciated by your dogs too:-)
I beat the crap out of myself as well, thankfully the body has a remarkable ability to heal.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
V,
I drank pretty much the same way you did, and was happy to live alone so I could indulge it. My bottom was just a little higher, but by the end of my drinking I would have caught up with you in a matter of months.
Congrats on day 4--it's great when the fog starts to lift a little.
I drank pretty much the same way you did, and was happy to live alone so I could indulge it. My bottom was just a little higher, but by the end of my drinking I would have caught up with you in a matter of months.
Congrats on day 4--it's great when the fog starts to lift a little.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 649
Welcome Vertigo!
Beer was my daily friend as well and can't imagine what state you were in the last couple days outside of close to death. Then again, I was also there.
Fast forward..... so glad you're going to meetings and found SR. On day four your body and mind should be getting back to reality. Eat lots of fresh fruit - it'll make you feel better and if you have a blender, whip up some smoothies!
As I tell so many people, when and if you have that urge to drink, think long and hard of the damage it will cause - especially to your precious animal friends. Secondly, I don't know a more painful physical/mental state than going through detox.
Be sober and be happy! :day6
Nice to meet you V! :ghug3
Beer was my daily friend as well and can't imagine what state you were in the last couple days outside of close to death. Then again, I was also there.
Fast forward..... so glad you're going to meetings and found SR. On day four your body and mind should be getting back to reality. Eat lots of fresh fruit - it'll make you feel better and if you have a blender, whip up some smoothies!
As I tell so many people, when and if you have that urge to drink, think long and hard of the damage it will cause - especially to your precious animal friends. Secondly, I don't know a more painful physical/mental state than going through detox.
Be sober and be happy! :day6
Nice to meet you V! :ghug3
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I was already sucessfully AA sober when I began useing
recovery sites.....and they have enhanced my recovery immensley
I suggest you drink lots of water...Gatorade is also good
to flush out toxins and re hydrate your body.
Congratulations for chooseing sobriety....Welcome....
recovery sites.....and they have enhanced my recovery immensley
I suggest you drink lots of water...Gatorade is also good
to flush out toxins and re hydrate your body.
Congratulations for chooseing sobriety....Welcome....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Home is where my cat is...
Posts: 228
Your avatar really freaked me out at first glance! haha
Welcome to a mecca of support and wonderful people. There is someone here round the clock in case you need us. You will find the more involved you become here and find yourself encouraging others, the more empowered you feel to kick this disease in the arse! There are a lot of resources here to help you with what to expect in the days to come early into your sobriety. Congratulations on your 4 days and your choice!!
Welcome to a mecca of support and wonderful people. There is someone here round the clock in case you need us. You will find the more involved you become here and find yourself encouraging others, the more empowered you feel to kick this disease in the arse! There are a lot of resources here to help you with what to expect in the days to come early into your sobriety. Congratulations on your 4 days and your choice!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
Welcome Vertigo,
One of the things that bothered me the most was that I didn't take proper care of my cats when I was drinking. It's such an awful feeling to let them down. I am so glad that you have decided to stop drinking and hope that you continue to use SR as a source of support.
One of the things that bothered me the most was that I didn't take proper care of my cats when I was drinking. It's such an awful feeling to let them down. I am so glad that you have decided to stop drinking and hope that you continue to use SR as a source of support.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Vertigo! Towards the end of my drinking it was hard to do things, even like hike out to the mailbox (with your heart pounding from a hangover), or try to stay sober when you had appointments or visitors. If I didn't have to keep face for my children, I probably wouldn't have done much of anything except try to work enough to pay the bills.
I think I'm still not a 100%, but even so, the difference is like night and day. I'm so glad you're here and ready to begin a new life - together we can do it!!
I think I'm still not a 100%, but even so, the difference is like night and day. I'm so glad you're here and ready to begin a new life - together we can do it!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Hi Vertigo! Congratulations on wanting a new life, and going for it with such a positive attitude. I agree with you, not feeling alone is key. I never dreamed there were so many of "me" out there....no one else in my life has a problem with alcohol.
You're well on your way to a brighter day - no more spending life in a coma. It gets easier as you go along, so don't get discouraged. Keep on talking to us.
You're well on your way to a brighter day - no more spending life in a coma. It gets easier as you go along, so don't get discouraged. Keep on talking to us.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
It sounds like you have had enough of the booze. I had enough of the booze too.
I try to take the whole recovery thing 'one day at a time'. In regards to not drinking or using drugs then I make sure that is 'just for today'. Makes it seem a whole lot more believable and less liable to f*ck with your mind, particularly if you're struggling. Just keep that commitment 'just for today' when you're going through a bit of a rough patch and then it makes it much easier.
This was the great advice that I was given both here on SR and also at AA. It has really helped me in my sobriety and recovery.
All The Best, peace.
I try to take the whole recovery thing 'one day at a time'. In regards to not drinking or using drugs then I make sure that is 'just for today'. Makes it seem a whole lot more believable and less liable to f*ck with your mind, particularly if you're struggling. Just keep that commitment 'just for today' when you're going through a bit of a rough patch and then it makes it much easier.
This was the great advice that I was given both here on SR and also at AA. It has really helped me in my sobriety and recovery.
All The Best, peace.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: las vegas nv
Posts: 180
Yay you Vertigo! Welcome to our big happy dysfunctional family! You will find a lot of support here. You sound like a go getter, you set your sights on your goal and go for it!!! Just remember to never not ever give up on yourself. I hope to see you around.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Vertigo, welcome and glad you are sharing. Keep on with your meetings and post as often as you feel. I combine SR with counseling and having SR available 24/7 with folks who know exactly what I am going through has been so helpful to me.
As I read your post....I remembered doing quite a bit of what you did. Pretty rough stuff when you step back sober and realize.
New chapter in your life friend and I know you can do it.
As I read your post....I remembered doing quite a bit of what you did. Pretty rough stuff when you step back sober and realize.
New chapter in your life friend and I know you can do it.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
