firestorm090

I really had to stop today and assess my behavior as of late, and I'm disappointed to say I've been a real bear lately. A friend actually told me I needed to have a drink, and chill. Huh. Well, she's right that I need to chill, so I'm having a chocolate milkshake right now, and I'm wondering if others here went through this anger phase more than once? I've been this way before, and what's puzzling is that I really can't connect this anger to any specific cause, maybe it's just a general state of discontent.

I know it will lift and I won't always be a ral pain to be around, but it's no fun, so I'm starting fresh tonight, with a milkshake to cool me off, lol.

TexasNative

With me it's more just uncontrollable restlessness, which I suppose leads to irritability. The only thing I can offer is the bad or funky moods always pass, even if it takes a day or two. Best wishes, be happy it's a shake ur drinking and not the bad stuff that got us all here in the first place!!

Benny

Be happy it is a shake you are drinking, and that you aren't shaking and throwing up something that looks like a shake in a cold sweat lying on a hard floor.

firestorm090

Thanks TexasNative and Benny,

I'm feeling better already, but sure don't like those dark moods. And I think the answer is milkshakes, but of course that will require alot more exercise to offset my new addiction, lol.

Thanks for the thumbs up, you guys.

LaFemme

What about a yogurt smoothie? Healthier and tasty:-) our stomaches can probably use the acidopholus from the yogurt since we probably killed what was there already with the booze:-)

Toronto68

I can't remember how long you have been away from drinking, but you might be able to pinpoint a cause for the mood with time. I have learned about the way my thought patterns work a lot in the last several months. When I don't like the tone of the thoughts (if I am dwelling on how I am angry at someone, for example), I try to change it. Somewhere between 3 and 6 months I noticed that a resentment was followed by a flashing thought of alcohol. I gained a habit of monitoring my thinking more, to the point where I catch myself thinking something negative whether or not an alcohol thought accompanies it. I'm not trying to be an angel (and won't succeed), but it's nice to be able to free myself of the rubbish emotions.

When it comes to the casual remark about having a drink to chill out, it can be said that alcohol would have that effect on me sometimes, but increasingly it was just an unpleasant, bad-tasting anaesthetic, and your friend probably wouldn't understand that. It's also true that alcohol produced some of the most venomous feelings inside. I remember about a year or two after I became an everyday drinker, when I would get really keyed up and would feel vicious...and how I didn't understand where that was coming from, since I thought I had calmed down since my rages in my late teens/early 20s.

MelindaFlowers

Firestorm,

During my first week of sobriety, I felt good, no headache, lots of energy, but when it came to holding long conversations, talking about anything in great detail, I turned into a hermit. Even with my guy who I live with! I told him that I had stopped drinking, which he had been asking (pleading with me) to do for a long time, and he wanted to hug me, talk about it for hours, console me.

I wasn't having any of it. My routine during the first week was to lay on the couch, log in to SR, and turn into a statue (except the typing and eyes moving) every night.

During the first week I started to wonder if maybe I had a personality-disorder that I had maybe been covering up with drinking.

In my heart I was so happy, felt so good, like I had returned to leading a normal life. But for some reason when I came to interacting with him or my friends, I was moody, tired, and not much for conversation.

After about a week of keeping up appearances and crazy, psycho insomnia, my partner finally confronted me: "What is wrong with you?"

Well, that's when I finally broke down with lots of big heavy tears and told him how hard this is, that I hadn't known a day without being drunk in 4 years, and all I'm rewarded with are sleepless nights, restlessness, and complaints from him? The very person who wanted me to stop in the first place?

I found my mood went from angelic to b*tch in 15 seconds during that first week. I know there were some big chemical adjustments going on in my brain, but quite simply, I think it is a huge adjustment to go from drinking every night to not drinking every night. It's not easy and I think for most of us, it turns us into Joan Crawford from Mommie Dearest. It sure did for me anyway.

What I had to (and have to) remember is that any unpleasantness from getting sober is natural, needed, and has to be expected. The other way certainly wasn't making me Mary Poppins. Quite the opposite in fact.

I think that if us alcoholics could take a magic pill to make us sleep for 30 days, the first 30 days, and then wake up feeling like we do after 30 days of sobriety, then our success rates would go way up.

Unfortunately that's not the case. We have to live in our own skin for the first 30 days (and from then on of course) but I think the initial phase has to be the worst.

Hang in there. It will get better.
s

MelindaFlowers

I found that I was pretty angry during my first week.

To be completely honest, I was very angry because I felt like I had lost my ability to drink. I'd let it go out of control, past the point of no return, and I'd never be able to regain it. Like normal people.

And this was true

When I felt these feelings of anger I had to remind myself of what I could gain from all of this 'sobriety hell.' (I felt that way the first week). I knew I couldn't drink. I knew that for sure after several catastrophic events, both at home and in public.

What I had to gain from all of this was a sense of calm in my life. Less anxiety. Live to be 70, 80, maybe 90? I'll have so much extra $$ each month I won't know what to do with it. I'll feel better about myself, inside and out. I also kept a very clear, vivid picture in my mind of my life before I ever drank:

I slept through the nights
Never, ever had a hangover
Enjoyed watching "Good Morning America"...."The Price is Right" LOL>
Never worried about my health. I was in great health.
No worries about my health, because I was healthy

And of course the list goes on....

Just keep the positives in the front of your mind. This is working for us, not against us.

Anna

I had a lot of anger when I was in early recovery.

In fact, my anger was all over the place, until I realized that I was angry at myself. I was angry that I had allowed addiction to take over my life and make a mess of things. I should have been smarter, been more aware, been stronger. Well...I wasn't, so I had to begin by accepting myself as I was.

LaFemme

I love what you wrote Melinda!

I once read about a treatment where they actually put you into a coma like state the first 10 days, I think this is in s. Africa. I remember reading about it and thinkin it was a good idea.

bcboy

In the begining I was for serious a walking powder keg just begging anyone to light my fuse.

It took every ounce of strenght I had to keep silent at home in front of the wife and kids. I remember just standing in the shower for 15 minutes when I would get home with it turned all the way to cold with my eyes closed just trying to focus on my breathing.

Glad thats all done for sure

spen71

I can relate to this fully. Over and over again i seem to get to the 4 week mark and my emotions just take over. I then start thinking that I can handle a coupl of drinks but then the downward spiral starts again.

Kmber2010

Mixed emotions from ups and downs are normal. It gets better and know I am craving a milkshake!!

firestorm090

Thanks everyone.

Like some of you here, I'm definitely angry at myself, and then I'm angry because I'm angry at myself and I'm tired of going through this. But such is life.

This morning I'm in a more relaxed frame of mind, kinda like a zombie. I've been wrestling bears in my head and it's exhausting. Coming here to SR helps alot and I'm grateful to all of you for being here.

It's a new weekend and I'm going to stay sober today to enjoy the sunshine, even tho it's gonna be hot as h*ll. maybe I'll sweat off a couple pounds from the milkshakes, lol.

Hope you all have a great, sober day.

lyddie

I too have had several cranky days the past two weeks. It's been 6 weeks for me but the crankiness seems to have started around day 30. I've just been living through the moments and hoping I haven't been too difficult with other people. Crankiness and anger are normal emotions, I just can't drown the feelings in wine anymore. So I assume the process of learning to live with negative emotions is part of the process of getting sober.

Hang in there, Firestorm - My guess is that it will both get better and worse - you will just need to learn how to deal with the worse without drinking.

Sasha4

Sometimes when I feel crabby - I get away from people, especially if their comments are not helpful or irritating.

I go for a walk, get out the house if I can. Go for a drive even. Go to the cinema. Places where I can calm down, take my mind off things.

Sometimes though, and maybe you need to ask yourself, I manufactured arguments with others and blew things wholly out of proportion, so I had an excuse to drink. It was a case of so and so upset me - so I'm going to have a vodka to get over the upset. The thing was the upset was all in my own head.

xx

keithj

Absolutely in early sobriety. It was the result of being an alcoholic and not drinking. A miserable experience.

The misery comes becomes I was still trying to control the outcome. I was demanding and trying to achieve some state of happiness. It just doesn't work that way. I can't force those things.

That's why you'll hear some people talk so much about surrender. I'm hanging on to the cliff face, and the only way to freedom is to let go of what I'm clinging to.

Can't make myself happy, or make myself grateful, or less selfish or anything like that. All I can do is stop what I'm doing and make myself available to these things.

That's what the 12 Steps do. They get in the way of me doing what I do. They interrupt my stuff so that new stuff can take hold. They force me to see things in a different light. But I can't get there until I let go of what I'm holding on to.

Goat

This very likely has nothing to do with the reasons for your irritability, but I figured I'd mention it just in case.

I can match my irritability very closely to my blood pressure. When it's up, my patience is down.

-Goat

LexieCat

Sure it isn't the other way around, Goat?

I always thought impatience, anger, stress elevated the blood pressure, not that high BP caused irritability (though it can cause headaches, which can cause one to be irritable, I suppose...)

Goat

Haha, you know, I typed "most people think it's the other way around" but erased it thinking a simple message was better

Yes, irritability etc can raise blood pressure, but raised blood pressure also causes irritability!

-Goat