Marriage In a Mess
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: England
Posts: 137
Marriage In a Mess
Dont know what to do, my husband says he hates it that we cant go out like normal people and enjoy ourselves because of what he calls "my inability to control my drinking". As I said in an earlier post I was sober for 3 years and then we split up that is why I started to drink again. The main reason we split up I think was because my husband works hard and on the weekend/holidays he likes to go down to the pub and have a pint, he is not an alcoholic and only ever has two pints at most or a glass of wine. As I was no longer drinking, this bored the ass of me and I wanted to do other things that he was not interested in but still went along to keep him happy. The main problem is he wont go or do anything on his own and never has he has to be with me 24/7, I tell him go to the pub and enjoy yourself, but he wont go without me, so either I go and suffer or he stays in and sulks. Anyway we split for 6 months at which time I started drinking again, and we starting "dating again" and got back together, but we all know alcholics such as myself cannot ever go back and drink sensibly and before long I was blind drunk again several times a week, well five times a week if I am honest.
I made a decision 11 days ago that, that is it, no more drinking and I am now 11 days sober but all the problems we had before are back again. My husband refuses to acknowledge that I am an alcoholic because I never drank until the evening (he thinks that all alcholics are blind drunk from morning till night and living on park benches.) He cannot accept that I cannot have one drink or two drinks and that once I start I am on a mission to get as drunk as I can and will go to extreme lengths to beg borrow or steal drinks. He says I have no self respect and ought to be ashamed of myself because of this and I spoil his enjoyment by refusing to drink sensibly.
A friend phoned tonight to ask us out and my husband said nope sry Suzie on the wagon, I told him its ok I will come, he said no point you sitting there with coffee might as well just stay in. I told him to go on his own but nope he did not get married to spend his evenings "as a spare part".
No matter how I try to explain, show him literature etc, he just says its all self inflicted and attention seeking and I need to pull myself together, and "act normal". He is a very opinionated person, from everything about how the country should be run, how the world cup should be managed, how pop singers should behave, how the shopping/cooking running of the house should be done etc etc.
Tonight he said he was "warning me that our marriage would be over if I cant be normal get my act together and be like the other wives, go out have a drink and know when to stop" I lost my temper and told him I was warning HIM that if he did not stfu I would walk out the door and this time never come back, more hurtful things were said (mostly from me cos I really lost my temper) and now I feel so mad/angry/guilty and so sad.
But the good news is I have not even contemplated having a drink.
Sorry for ranting, just feel so down, my mum who is dead ten years now popped into my head and said Suze, you cant please all of the people all of the time and sometime none of the people most of the time so honey just please yourself. Something I need to think about I think.
I made a decision 11 days ago that, that is it, no more drinking and I am now 11 days sober but all the problems we had before are back again. My husband refuses to acknowledge that I am an alcoholic because I never drank until the evening (he thinks that all alcholics are blind drunk from morning till night and living on park benches.) He cannot accept that I cannot have one drink or two drinks and that once I start I am on a mission to get as drunk as I can and will go to extreme lengths to beg borrow or steal drinks. He says I have no self respect and ought to be ashamed of myself because of this and I spoil his enjoyment by refusing to drink sensibly.
A friend phoned tonight to ask us out and my husband said nope sry Suzie on the wagon, I told him its ok I will come, he said no point you sitting there with coffee might as well just stay in. I told him to go on his own but nope he did not get married to spend his evenings "as a spare part".
No matter how I try to explain, show him literature etc, he just says its all self inflicted and attention seeking and I need to pull myself together, and "act normal". He is a very opinionated person, from everything about how the country should be run, how the world cup should be managed, how pop singers should behave, how the shopping/cooking running of the house should be done etc etc.
Tonight he said he was "warning me that our marriage would be over if I cant be normal get my act together and be like the other wives, go out have a drink and know when to stop" I lost my temper and told him I was warning HIM that if he did not stfu I would walk out the door and this time never come back, more hurtful things were said (mostly from me cos I really lost my temper) and now I feel so mad/angry/guilty and so sad.
But the good news is I have not even contemplated having a drink.
Sorry for ranting, just feel so down, my mum who is dead ten years now popped into my head and said Suze, you cant please all of the people all of the time and sometime none of the people most of the time so honey just please yourself. Something I need to think about I think.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
I'm so sorry your husband is being so unreasonable. He, obviously, has no clue about what alcoholism really is. Unfortunately, what he wants just cannot be done. You cannot just go out and have a drink or two and the fact that he refuses to believe that just puts more pressure on you.
I tend to agree with what your mom says. Living sober is hard enough, especially at first, without the added pressure of totally unreasonable expectations from your spouse. When it comes right down to it, you may have to make a decision as to which is more important in your life; sobriety or your marriage. I find it absolutely ridiculous that your husband is threatening divorce if you won't go out with him and drink. That is just insane!
There are books out there that tell the truth about alcoholism that you might suggest, or even buy for him to read. If he is willing, his eyes might be opened. If he isn't willing, then you are back to having to decide what is truly best for you. I'm really sorry you are having to deal with this. SR is open 24/7 and you can come here and vent and get perspective anytime. We are here to support you.
I tend to agree with what your mom says. Living sober is hard enough, especially at first, without the added pressure of totally unreasonable expectations from your spouse. When it comes right down to it, you may have to make a decision as to which is more important in your life; sobriety or your marriage. I find it absolutely ridiculous that your husband is threatening divorce if you won't go out with him and drink. That is just insane!
There are books out there that tell the truth about alcoholism that you might suggest, or even buy for him to read. If he is willing, his eyes might be opened. If he isn't willing, then you are back to having to decide what is truly best for you. I'm really sorry you are having to deal with this. SR is open 24/7 and you can come here and vent and get perspective anytime. We are here to support you.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Aw, Suze,
I'm sorry he is so unsupportive. But your life comes first, even before the marriage. How much of a "spare part" will he feel like if you're DEAD or in an institution?
Rant away, here. Just don't drink.
You mentioned "literature"--have you been to AA? I suggest that you do whatever it takes to stay sober. Your marriage will last or it won't, but you need to take care of yourself.
Many hugs,
I'm sorry he is so unsupportive. But your life comes first, even before the marriage. How much of a "spare part" will he feel like if you're DEAD or in an institution?
Rant away, here. Just don't drink.
You mentioned "literature"--have you been to AA? I suggest that you do whatever it takes to stay sober. Your marriage will last or it won't, but you need to take care of yourself.
Many hugs,
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
It's a sad fact that for some of us, the people we need most to get it - don't.
There's not a lot we can do about that - but you'll always find a lot of support here.
I hope your husband, in time, will realise the necessity in what you're doing....and maybe will eventually feel free enough to go do his own thing.
D
There's not a lot we can do about that - but you'll always find a lot of support here.
I hope your husband, in time, will realise the necessity in what you're doing....and maybe will eventually feel free enough to go do his own thing.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Home is where my cat is...
Posts: 228
Hurtful, abusive, selfish. That is what comes to my mind when reading about your husband. Do you deserve that? NO Are you amazing for your life decision to be sober after realizing you have a problem? YES Congrats on your 11 days! Don't let anyone take that away from you. 
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I'm sorry you're having to go through this, but glad you're staying sober (way to go!). I'm not sure why your husband has put you in a no-win situation. To me it goes way beyond being opinionated.
It just sounds like he's putting his social hour (with "required wife by his side") before you and your health.
Before I start ranting any further, I'll just say: Grab on tight to your support system and stay focused on what's best for you right now. We're here.......
(p.s. It helps me sometimes to let people's words/anger go "through" me, like in-one-ear-and-out-the-other, and try to not let the emotions take me over).
It just sounds like he's putting his social hour (with "required wife by his side") before you and your health.
Before I start ranting any further, I'll just say: Grab on tight to your support system and stay focused on what's best for you right now. We're here.......
(p.s. It helps me sometimes to let people's words/anger go "through" me, like in-one-ear-and-out-the-other, and try to not let the emotions take me over).
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: England
Posts: 137
Hiya everyone, ty for your support, it is morning here and I had a suprisingly good night's sleep. I am going to make a nice breakfast and then sit down with husband and see if we can have a good chat about these issues. Me drinking is not an option so if he cannot understand that then it is his problem not mine. It is not as if I am stopping him doing what he wants to do so I am not going to be pressured into doing something that I DONT want to do.
Normally we have a great relationship, with plenty of fun, so I am going to try and not let these issues get out of hand and spoil everything we have together.
Fingers crossed.
Normally we have a great relationship, with plenty of fun, so I am going to try and not let these issues get out of hand and spoil everything we have together.
Fingers crossed.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Scotland
Posts: 174
Originally Posted by Suzie12 
Hiya everyone, ty for your support, it is morning here and I had a suprisingly good night's sleep. I am going to make a nice breakfast and then sit down with husband and see if we can have a good chat about these issues. Me drinking is not an option so if he cannot understand that then it is his problem not mine. It is not as if I am stopping him doing what he wants to do so I am not going to be pressured into doing something that I DONT want to do.
Normally we have a great relationship, with plenty of fun, so I am going to try and not let these issues get out of hand and spoil everything we have together.
Fingers crossed.
Normally we have a great relationship, with plenty of fun, so I am going to try and not let these issues get out of hand and spoil everything we have together.
Fingers crossed.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Good luck Suzie and congrats on your sobriety.
I remember your first post and thinking your husband had a bad attitude then...this post kinda confirms it. I hope your talk went well this AM, but I've got to say I agree with Chakra on this one.
I remember your first post and thinking your husband had a bad attitude then...this post kinda confirms it. I hope your talk went well this AM, but I've got to say I agree with Chakra on this one.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Between Serenity and Despair
Posts: 522
Suzie, I hope things are going well today with your husband. Dee is right: Some people never do get it. My folks (extended family) think that, since I have been sober now for a few years, I can "control" my drinking. What they don't understand is that it would get really intense really quickly.
I've sat in bars/pubs a few times with my husband since I got sober. It was less than fun. I did it because I love him and because I don't believe his fun should stop just because mine did. I usually put a book in my purse and take it out if he loses interest in chatting with me. I will concede that sitting in the pub with him adds a degree of misery to my existence. It's not that I crave alcohol. It's that the bar/pub is boring now that I don't drink.
Usually he's pretty supportive about my not drinking. We all have our moments, though. He has only really been a jack@ss about my sobriety once.
We'd been on vacation and decided to visit a winery. My husband paid for a wine tasting. He wanted to buy a bottle of X type of wine. It was more than he wanted to spend, though. He was a little drunk, so that may have colored what happened next. He turned to me and started trying to prod me into saying he couldn't have that bottle of wine because it was too expensive. (I guess this is what he was doing. I still don't really understand what response he wanted from me.) I'd only been sober a couple of months. I said, "Look. You know I don't drink any more. I didn't taste any of them, but you did. Get what you want." He got livid. We stormed to the car. He said I'd embarrassed him, embarrassed myself, embarrassed the clerk. And on and on.
I was really hurt over this. I was new to sobriety, though, and had no support. I didn't know when I was screwing up and when I wasn't. When I remember that afternoon now, I get pretty angry at him. However, I'll never let it happen again. Next time he does something like that, I'll figure out some better way to handle the situation. Which will probably include removing myself from it.
When you don't drink, but you live with someone who does, it takes compromise on both sides. The rules have changed.You have to figure out how to handle certain situations. It's tough, and it's not fun. It's like adjusting to each other all over again even though you've been married for a period of time.
I sort of wonder if there aren't some underlying issues in your relationship with your husband that are left over from you two's separation. In plain words, I wonder if he's trying to pick a fight. My husband does that. He'll be upset about something, so he'll try to pick a fight about something else. We've now been married for close to 20 years, so I can now pick up on it fairly quickly. Usually, I just call him on it.
The thing is, though, I can't really say with any certainty that's the problem in your marriage. That's the hard part of knowing someone through a message board forum in Internet-Land. I don't really know you, and I sure don't know your husband. So, please, take anything I say with a grain of salt. If it rings bells, give it more thought. But if you're making a puzzled face, forget I said it.
I wish you the best both with your marriage and your sobriety. Being married to someone who doesn't understand would present its own special challenges, I think. Do the best you can and be kind to yourself. You, Suzie, can't change the world. You can only change the way you respond to it and the way you let it make you feel.
I've sat in bars/pubs a few times with my husband since I got sober. It was less than fun. I did it because I love him and because I don't believe his fun should stop just because mine did. I usually put a book in my purse and take it out if he loses interest in chatting with me. I will concede that sitting in the pub with him adds a degree of misery to my existence. It's not that I crave alcohol. It's that the bar/pub is boring now that I don't drink.
Usually he's pretty supportive about my not drinking. We all have our moments, though. He has only really been a jack@ss about my sobriety once.
We'd been on vacation and decided to visit a winery. My husband paid for a wine tasting. He wanted to buy a bottle of X type of wine. It was more than he wanted to spend, though. He was a little drunk, so that may have colored what happened next. He turned to me and started trying to prod me into saying he couldn't have that bottle of wine because it was too expensive. (I guess this is what he was doing. I still don't really understand what response he wanted from me.) I'd only been sober a couple of months. I said, "Look. You know I don't drink any more. I didn't taste any of them, but you did. Get what you want." He got livid. We stormed to the car. He said I'd embarrassed him, embarrassed myself, embarrassed the clerk. And on and on.
I was really hurt over this. I was new to sobriety, though, and had no support. I didn't know when I was screwing up and when I wasn't. When I remember that afternoon now, I get pretty angry at him. However, I'll never let it happen again. Next time he does something like that, I'll figure out some better way to handle the situation. Which will probably include removing myself from it.
When you don't drink, but you live with someone who does, it takes compromise on both sides. The rules have changed.You have to figure out how to handle certain situations. It's tough, and it's not fun. It's like adjusting to each other all over again even though you've been married for a period of time.
I sort of wonder if there aren't some underlying issues in your relationship with your husband that are left over from you two's separation. In plain words, I wonder if he's trying to pick a fight. My husband does that. He'll be upset about something, so he'll try to pick a fight about something else. We've now been married for close to 20 years, so I can now pick up on it fairly quickly. Usually, I just call him on it.
The thing is, though, I can't really say with any certainty that's the problem in your marriage. That's the hard part of knowing someone through a message board forum in Internet-Land. I don't really know you, and I sure don't know your husband. So, please, take anything I say with a grain of salt. If it rings bells, give it more thought. But if you're making a puzzled face, forget I said it.
I wish you the best both with your marriage and your sobriety. Being married to someone who doesn't understand would present its own special challenges, I think. Do the best you can and be kind to yourself. You, Suzie, can't change the world. You can only change the way you respond to it and the way you let it make you feel.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi Suzie,
I'm sorry that things are so difficult with your marriage right now.
But, it sounds like you know what you need to do and you are staying sober. The best thing you can do is to focus on yourself. Prayers for you and your husband.
I'm sorry that things are so difficult with your marriage right now.
But, it sounds like you know what you need to do and you are staying sober. The best thing you can do is to focus on yourself. Prayers for you and your husband.
Groovy Dancer
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
Posts: 4,751
Hey Suzie,
I am sorry for what you're going through. I am so proud of you that even through this you realize the importance of not drinking. I usually started drinking at night too, that has nothing to do with how much of a problem alcohol is for us.
I wish you luck and hope for the best for you. I hope your husband will understand and support you.
Either way I hope you have the strength to remain sober.
Good luck!
Ghost
I am sorry for what you're going through. I am so proud of you that even through this you realize the importance of not drinking. I usually started drinking at night too, that has nothing to do with how much of a problem alcohol is for us.
I wish you luck and hope for the best for you. I hope your husband will understand and support you.
Either way I hope you have the strength to remain sober.
Good luck!
Ghost
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I know when I got sober, I saw my life much more clearly than I had been for a very long time.
I'm sorry your husband is being a jackass.. but he is, and it's great you're not drinking. The good thing is, he doesn't have to understand it, or accept it. You can recover just fine on your own, as hurtful as it probably feels.
My husband wasn't nearly as mean as you're describing yours is, but he was rather resistant to my sobriety at first. Even after having to get me to the ER after almost KILLING myself one morning because I drank so much. He made a few comments about me not being fun anymore, even said I ruined football season (we had just purchased season tickets to go to games). He told me he lost his "buddy" (drinking buddy= me). I wish I had some magical advice for you, but eventually I just did my own thing, pursued recovery, stayed sober, and lived my life. What was probably shocking somewhat to him, is that MY entire life had to change, and he could either come along for the ride and embrace a new and healthy "me", or he could walk.. and he almost did choose the latter there at first. Luckily, and with a lot of relationship work on top of my recovery work, we are better than we ever have been, and together. We have a new home, and a new baby.. and he's completely done a 180 in his perspective about my alcoholism, and drinking in general. I think my sobriety put a mirror up to his own possible issues with drinking, but luckily he was just drinking heavy with me, he has maybe 2 beers a month now.
All that to say, maybe your husband will come around. Maybe he wont. Maybe you'll decide you don't want to be with a man who is that unsupportive and unconcerned about your wellbeing. Just work on you, it's the most important thing, hun.
I'm sorry your husband is being a jackass.. but he is, and it's great you're not drinking. The good thing is, he doesn't have to understand it, or accept it. You can recover just fine on your own, as hurtful as it probably feels.
My husband wasn't nearly as mean as you're describing yours is, but he was rather resistant to my sobriety at first. Even after having to get me to the ER after almost KILLING myself one morning because I drank so much. He made a few comments about me not being fun anymore, even said I ruined football season (we had just purchased season tickets to go to games). He told me he lost his "buddy" (drinking buddy= me). I wish I had some magical advice for you, but eventually I just did my own thing, pursued recovery, stayed sober, and lived my life. What was probably shocking somewhat to him, is that MY entire life had to change, and he could either come along for the ride and embrace a new and healthy "me", or he could walk.. and he almost did choose the latter there at first. Luckily, and with a lot of relationship work on top of my recovery work, we are better than we ever have been, and together. We have a new home, and a new baby.. and he's completely done a 180 in his perspective about my alcoholism, and drinking in general. I think my sobriety put a mirror up to his own possible issues with drinking, but luckily he was just drinking heavy with me, he has maybe 2 beers a month now.
All that to say, maybe your husband will come around. Maybe he wont. Maybe you'll decide you don't want to be with a man who is that unsupportive and unconcerned about your wellbeing. Just work on you, it's the most important thing, hun.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I agree that your sobriety and mindset is good and hubby is being just a *bit* self-centered....If you had a predisposition to lung cancer would he expect you to smoke?
it's a disease, not a habit. You are doing your best to treat yourself well. I hope that you both find some pleasurable activities you can enjoy together.
it's a disease, not a habit. You are doing your best to treat yourself well. I hope that you both find some pleasurable activities you can enjoy together.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Whistler, British Columbia
Posts: 222
I feel for you Suzie
I am about where you are but I am the husband and everyone thinks I don't have a problem and It to is all in my head because of the little outside negative actions "ie DWI or worse" outside my own health.
Like others have said your sobriety is what is important and if your other half can not support this then its best you find out now before the complications of kids get in the way of moving on in your seperate ways.
I wish you luck and hope it turns out for the best whatever the outcome.
I am about where you are but I am the husband and everyone thinks I don't have a problem and It to is all in my head because of the little outside negative actions "ie DWI or worse" outside my own health.
Like others have said your sobriety is what is important and if your other half can not support this then its best you find out now before the complications of kids get in the way of moving on in your seperate ways.
I wish you luck and hope it turns out for the best whatever the outcome.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 438
I'm so sorry your husband is acting like he is...I hate to say it, but there's absolutely no excuse for the way he's treating you. Alcoholism is a disease, you have that disease, and that's just the way it is...your husband MUST accept this. And ideally he should accept it in a gracious and supportive way, which it sounds like he's not. He should be grateful that you have recognized your alcoholism and that you're dealing with it exactly how you should - not drinking, not going to pubs where you're likely to feel tempted or simply uncomfortable, etc. - and if he's not, I'd seriously question whether or not I wanted to be with him. Sorry to sound harsh, but you know you deserve better than what you're getting from him - a lot better. Good luck, do keep posting here and letting the SR community support you, and if you're so inclined I highly recommend AA. Keep us posted!
Stephanie
Stephanie
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: The Present
Posts: 425
Suzie
Believe me, you are "normal." The "abnormal" behavior goes on in the minds of those who think alcohol is the "magic potion" that brings success, happiness and bonhomie to human relationships. It's one of society's notorious cons that the measure of friendship and a happy marriage is your ability to drink with your spouse or friends (I've never felt good after knocking back a dozen beers with my mates or falling down at a wine festival to be "one of the boys"; and most of the crisis points in my marriage involved alcohol). Blaming a spouse for "not drinking with me" sounds a little like being angry with a spouse for not going for a swim in a crocodile pit. It's very difficult as a recovering alcoholic when those you live with encourage you to drink, instead of helping you. However, if sobriety becomes your burning torch through all of this, I think you'll find in the end that actually you are exceptionally "normal" and that your Mum was absolutely right.
Believe me, you are "normal." The "abnormal" behavior goes on in the minds of those who think alcohol is the "magic potion" that brings success, happiness and bonhomie to human relationships. It's one of society's notorious cons that the measure of friendship and a happy marriage is your ability to drink with your spouse or friends (I've never felt good after knocking back a dozen beers with my mates or falling down at a wine festival to be "one of the boys"; and most of the crisis points in my marriage involved alcohol). Blaming a spouse for "not drinking with me" sounds a little like being angry with a spouse for not going for a swim in a crocodile pit. It's very difficult as a recovering alcoholic when those you live with encourage you to drink, instead of helping you. However, if sobriety becomes your burning torch through all of this, I think you'll find in the end that actually you are exceptionally "normal" and that your Mum was absolutely right.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: England
Posts: 137
Thanks guys it really helped taking it all through with all of you.
My husband and I did a lot of talking yesterday and I pointed out what led up to my leaving during my 3 years sobriety. My husband used to always blame all our arguments on my drinking which I accepted but during my 3 years sobreity the arguments were still there even worse. I pointed out to him that the arguments were always about his desire to get his own way in any area of our lives and how he always knows best about everything and how this was happening again. I told him I am an adult and need to make my own decisions about how I was going to do things and where I was going to go in my leisure time and whether I was going to drink or not.
I told him that I always feel I have never been able to decide for myself, and that I needed him to let me be an adult. I never interfer in his decisions and he should not interfer with mine.
I think he knows I mean business and we did get a lot of issues sorted out. We do have a good marriage on the whole and I really do not want to lose it, but I did tell him if it did come to a choice It would have to be sobriety for me.
Time will tell what happens next.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bcboy
I feel for you Suzie
Like others have said your sobriety is what is important and if your other half can not support this then its best you find out now before the complications of kids get in the way of moving on in your seperate ways.
I wish you luck and hope it turns out for the best whatever the outcome.
Luckily we have already had our kids which are grown up and have flown the nest and doing well
Thanks again everyone for being there for me.
My husband and I did a lot of talking yesterday and I pointed out what led up to my leaving during my 3 years sobriety. My husband used to always blame all our arguments on my drinking which I accepted but during my 3 years sobreity the arguments were still there even worse. I pointed out to him that the arguments were always about his desire to get his own way in any area of our lives and how he always knows best about everything and how this was happening again. I told him I am an adult and need to make my own decisions about how I was going to do things and where I was going to go in my leisure time and whether I was going to drink or not.
I told him that I always feel I have never been able to decide for myself, and that I needed him to let me be an adult. I never interfer in his decisions and he should not interfer with mine.
I think he knows I mean business and we did get a lot of issues sorted out. We do have a good marriage on the whole and I really do not want to lose it, but I did tell him if it did come to a choice It would have to be sobriety for me.
Time will tell what happens next.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bcboy
I feel for you Suzie
Like others have said your sobriety is what is important and if your other half can not support this then its best you find out now before the complications of kids get in the way of moving on in your seperate ways.
I wish you luck and hope it turns out for the best whatever the outcome.
Luckily we have already had our kids which are grown up and have flown the nest and doing well
Thanks again everyone for being there for me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Scotland
Posts: 174
To play Devil's Advocate a little and I'm basing this totally on what's in your post so you can tell me if I'm way out of line with this theory.
We live in a heavily materialistic, consumer driven, 'keep up with the Jones' society. We are constantly being told that to have the perfect lifestyle we need, in no particular order; have a good job, nice car, nice house - filled with lots of nice material stuff and a 'normal' family (wife, 2.4 kids etc).
Maybe your husband is having such difficulties with the situation is because as he is out working hard to deliver the material side of things, your alcoholism doesn't fit into the vision of the perfect lifestyle that's foisted on us by Govt, advertising, big business etc that he may have bought in to.
Perhaps your husbands real problem is that your alcoholism makes him different from his friends who, he feels, all work as hard as he does to deliver the same stuff your husband feels he does except that they have wives that can enjoy alcohol in a 'normal' manner. (Although the refusing to go to the pub on his own is somewhat baffling. As is his opposition to you enjoying a coffee while he has a beer)
I might be way wrong here and I don't want to come across as some sanctimonious know-it-all - I'm an alcoholic too remember. Just trying to offer a reason why your man may feel the way he does, not defend it.
Best wishes and good luck with everything.
FB
Edit: I've been typing that on and off for an hour so never seen your last post. Disregard at will.
We live in a heavily materialistic, consumer driven, 'keep up with the Jones' society. We are constantly being told that to have the perfect lifestyle we need, in no particular order; have a good job, nice car, nice house - filled with lots of nice material stuff and a 'normal' family (wife, 2.4 kids etc).
Maybe your husband is having such difficulties with the situation is because as he is out working hard to deliver the material side of things, your alcoholism doesn't fit into the vision of the perfect lifestyle that's foisted on us by Govt, advertising, big business etc that he may have bought in to.
Perhaps your husbands real problem is that your alcoholism makes him different from his friends who, he feels, all work as hard as he does to deliver the same stuff your husband feels he does except that they have wives that can enjoy alcohol in a 'normal' manner. (Although the refusing to go to the pub on his own is somewhat baffling. As is his opposition to you enjoying a coffee while he has a beer)
I might be way wrong here and I don't want to come across as some sanctimonious know-it-all - I'm an alcoholic too remember. Just trying to offer a reason why your man may feel the way he does, not defend it.
Best wishes and good luck with everything.
FB
Edit: I've been typing that on and off for an hour so never seen your last post. Disregard at will.
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