Tracey22

I've been lurking for a while (actually off and on for a couple of years). Can't believe it took this long to actually post something. I must admit FINALLY that I am an alcoholic. I have 3 beautiful girls that think there mom is a total loser and husband who thinks "geez can't this women have a few drinks." I like to drink and don't know how to stop when I've started. I don't even buy a six pack anymore that's not enough. I thank GOD I have never seriously hurt my children with driving drunk. I pretty much black out 4 days a week. This has gone on for so long...... I have journals from years ago writing about this damn drinking problem and I still continued to drink. Tuesday night was really bad I don't even rememebr it but my husband told me it was the worse ever. My kids were crying and I was a total mess the next day. I want to stop so bad. In the past couple of months I've gone a week at a time and then I think OK i'm better now I'm going to drink tonight and then the cycle begins. I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY DRINKING!!!! I need to stick to this even when things seem to get better. I've already messed up the finances with my stupid drinking I just really need to do this before I lose everything or seriosuly hurt someone in my family.. I have already caused enough heart ache with this stupid drug. I want to love myself again...


That's my first vent Im sure there's more too come.
Thanks for Listening
Tracey

Harry01854

Welcome to SoberRecovery Tacey. You can and will find a lot of people here that are just like you and have experienced the same feelings. People who care and are willing to help.

You will receive other posts along the way and I pray and hope you take the time to read and absorb what is shared.

I'll keep you in my prayers and God bless.

Harry

grateful2b

Welcome, (((Tracey))
a huge first and most important step - good on you!
and to add to what Harry has said, many here who have walked and are walking in your shoes...
I am so glad you have found us
you are among family

smacked

Considering the fact that your childrens' emotions, and lives have been put in danger, and you have still drank, possibly you need to do more than just try not to drink. I would be in an inpatient setting, pronto, but that's just my opinion.

Fandy

Welcome Tracey;

I agree with Smacked...you might consider a truthful consult with your doctor and recommendation for a treatment program...If you can't stop on your own and want to, it is the safest option

You don't want to put your life and the lives of others in danger. You took a big step towards stopping your self-abuse. keep posting.

smacked

And I forgot to welcome you, (I'm not being Miss Manners today). Welcome, you will find tons of support here, this place has been invaluable to me and my recovery!

LaFemme

Hi Tracey and welcome! I know you aren't in a good place right now, but it can get better.

Opivotal

Tracey, I'm glad you posted here and are seeking help. Alcohol effects the whole family as you stated above. Please think about putting a plan in place that will help you stop drinking. It's an awful disease and you sound like your ready to make a change.

If you've been reading here then you know there is only one way to solve your problem. You NEED to stop drinking. I know your thinking well if I could stop I wouldn't be here.
That's why you need a plan to help you. I might suggest you see your Doctor and admit your problem. Also there's plenty of programs. You can find out about them by clicking on the tabs above. You must help yourself first!

There is always someone on here to chat if you want and will not judge you. The people here have walked in your shoes. You CAN do this if you want it bad enough. Take the necessary steps. I wish you the Best. :ghug3

FindingDawn

Hi Tracey, I am new here too. I don't have allot of words of advice yet but I can relate with your feelings all too well. I am praying for you that you find the strength to stop.
I am gonna be on this board and reading and talking and maybe even some meetings if I can't do it alone. My drinking at this point is just one night a week of heavy drinking. But I am an alcoholic, always knew I couldn't handle it. And made a fool of myself way more times than I want to remember when younger. I control myself because I don't want to feel the guilt and hangovers, that is what I was telling myself. Just once a week isn't that bad. Well it is bad when you know you can't stop. I am tired of handing over the power to the bottle.

Tracey we can do this! starting now.

artsoul

Welcome Tracey - We all understand exactly where you're coming from because we've been there.....:ghug3 Believe me, you're not alone. I can't tell you how many times I tried to stop or at least control my drinking. I always seemed to lose the fight.

Eventually I just gave up trying and asked for help. You're doing the best thing possible right now for yourself because it will only get worse if you continue.

Keep reading and posting and just take it one day at a time. Get all the support you can, including medical help and treatment. It WILL get better and you CAN turn things around for yourself. Go for it - we've got your back.

jamdls

Hi Tracey welcome to SR, this is a great place to give and receive support but you also need in person support. If you're blacking out 4 days a week you are a danger to yourself and to your family and you need help before it's too late. Our kids do get hurt seriously by our drinking even if it's not physically and some of the mental/emotional/psychological wounds they suffer don't heal nearly as quickly as physcial wounds wounds would heal. Please help yourself.

julez

Hey Tracey! Welcome to SR. This place has helped me so much in my ongoing recovery. Reading everyones stories, giving and receiving advice, and also live chat is priceless when you are feeling weak and scared. I'm also a mom, and I also black out, so I know exactly where you're coming from. Its time to take your life back, and be the present mother your family deserves. xoxo

hotshot

Hi Tracey.............I hated detox........But....It saved my life more than once......You really might need that help if you have drank this long........The DT's themselves could kill ya.........&You really should be in a controlled enviorment with doctors and medication to help you withdraw...Just my opiniion

Dee74

Welcome to SR Tracey

Sounds like you've dug yourself in pretty deep...but s'ok, you'll find a lot of help and support here.

I've been where you are...lots of us have...it's possible to get out - with some focus and commitment

I second the Dr idea. It's a good first step.
Detox can be a hassle sometimes for some of us.

Have you thought of outside help - not just here - I mean a recovery group like AA etc or inpatient or outpatient rehab, or counselling?

D

coffeenut

You're right, Tracy, it has gone on long enough. Good for you for taking steps to do something about it. Welcome to SR, keep reading and posting.

LexieCat

Welcome, Tracey,

I agree with the others who suggested a medical detox and aftercare. At this point, I think you should consider this an emergency. Seriously.

You are a danger to yourself and your family at the moment, and if you are blacking out four nights a week, detoxing without medical supervision could be dangerous and even deadly. It *is* possible to die from alcohol withdrawal.

You will find lots of love and support and good info here.

stanleyhouse

Tracey
Welcome. People have given you the right advice. Asking for help is the first step, overcoming physical addiction to alcohol is difficult and should be done under medical supervision. You said you would stop drinking for a week but than start up again, that was your body still physically craving the alcohol. It is hard to fight this disease all alone, but there is a lot of help out there.
If you can, find a treatment facility and stay thirty days. I didn't stay the full thirty the first time and I relapsed. The second time I did and it was the best thing I ever did. God, motivation and hard work keep me sober and it is worth it. My son thinks so too.
SH