tormentedmirror

I'm the mother of a very troubled 24 year old. I don't know if you can help me, but I need to read your stories. I need idea's to help my daugher.

I don't know how I didn't see it happening. I guess it happened so slowly, and incrementally, that I just gradually and naturally made the adjustments right along with her. Looking back, I can see that the writing was on the wall. Did I choose not to see it, or was it less obvious before I knew what was going on?

3 weeks ago, she swallowed a hand full of pills. She came to us (parents, she lives at home) and told us what she did. After we made her vomit, we took her to the ER, where they gave her charcoal to absorb anything that may have been left in her stomach. She was in the hospital for 2 days. I have since learned from a blog that she says she was "detoxing". I don't know if that's true, or just something she's saying on her blog...anyway, I digress (as I will probably do many times)...then she spent 3 days in the "behavioral" unit.

The only thing that accomplished was her making a new friend, who promptly started visiting her at our home. I was somewhat reluctant for her to make a friend from the unit, but part of me thought that since they were both there for the same reason (attempted suicide) that maybe they could support each other.

I also found out while she was in the hospital/unit, that she was doing drugs. She never hinted that it was anything more than experimental. Then I got an email from her ex-boyfriend. He says, "I'm really not sure how to approach this, other than to say that your daughter needs your help, badly. I'm not in any position to give it, but I'm really hoping that you can. The link I'm sending you is to a blog she keeps. I know about her hospitalization and had truly high hopes that she would be able to get herself together afterwards.

She's not. She's is in a great deal of danger and I can't do anything
about it other than tell the two of you. I'm sorry. Please, please
help her. I don't think she's going to do it on her own. I'm sure
she'll hate me for telling you both."

After reading several weeks worth of posts on her blog, I was sick. Just sick. Cold sweat, shaking, nausea. It is quite possibly the scariest thing I've ever read.

Her and her new friend were not going to the NA meetings that they said they were going to when they walked out the door. They were out getting high.

I came home after I read the blog, and tossed her room. I found syringes, burned spoons, and a white substance that I flushed down the toilet. There was even a syringe (in the trash) that still had a good deal of fluid in it.

I called the young mans father, who happens to work at my company and I see him almost every day, (and saw him at the "behavioral" facility)...I told him what was going on. My daughter called a while after and asked if I had called her friends father. I told her yes and that we'd discuss it after work.

After work, she sat on the couch, and I dropped the bags with the used syringes, and a bag with new syringes on the table in front of her. First bag, "you went through my trash?" Yes. Second bag..."I wasn't planning on doing it anymore, those are not mine, where did you find them". She blamed it on her friend, that he wanted to get them out of his car, and that he must have stashed them there. Some friend, if that was even the truth.

Anyway, it has been a rough couple of weeks. I learned that in addition to the drugs, she has an eating disorder. She checked herself into a rehab facility Tuesday, 28 day program. I know this isn't the end of it. I suspect it will be a hard road to navigate in the near future.

I need all of you. I can't do this alone. I'm scared.

vaya

Welcome and you will find a lot of support here. Just reading through the posts lets you know you are not alone and that there is hope, especially for you to live the life you're entitled too. My son is a heroin addict too. He's been in rehab, jail, detox..had 10 months clean and then relapsed shortly before he came to live with me. It took me a while to get it too, and I knew he had had this problem while I was away the last few years. I'm starting to learn, throught the support of others here and through Families anonymous meetings, (Alanon and Coda are what many refer to here and have been around a while too), that, tough as it is to accept, there is very little I can do to help my son get off this horrible stuff.....only he can do it. I've been through a lot in just a few months....helping him try cold turkey, getting him into detox, paying for another, encouraging him to go to meetings, throwing away the stuff I found, playing detective when I got home from work to see if he'd been using again, and so on....until I became obsessed with his addiction and obsession. It's natural for a mother to think she can help her child, but when it comes to addiction the best help is learning to help yourself and learning to detach with love and realize the addict has to come to their own bottom and finally get sick and tired of being addicted and seek the help they need. Sometimes it takes a while, for some it's a long hard road. In the meanwhile, the best we can do is support their sobriety and steps they take to take advantage of the help available. We cannot make them stop, no matter what. That's just how it is and it's the hardest thing I've had to deal with as a mother. ...Don't mean to be dismal...just trying to give you a quick snapshot of some of the basics I've learned here and at meetings.
You said your daughter went to the psych ward at the ER. It sounds like they figured her problems were due to drugs rather than a psychiatric disorder, or else they would have kept her for a couple of weeks if they thought she was a danger to herself or others. (of course using drugs is being a danger to oneself....but they don't always see it as such) I can't tell you what to do....but you will find your way and come to terms with what you need to do, along with other practical suggestions here. It doesn't sound like your daughter is ready to stop yet. If she is still a minor you may have some options of putting her in rehab and making her stay, if she'll agree to go. Rehab does work, especially for those that want to stop and want to find a healthier way of living and dealing with life. I encourage you to read through the posts here and also the daily threads to learn more about others who struggle with addicted children and what has worked for them. There is much to learn.....you've done the best thing you could do by reaching out here.....isn't it good to know, in a weird way, that other people, like myself are awake at this hour (5am PST) reading and posting on this website. I'm sure you will find much comfort and guidance here. I will pray for you and your daughter and that brave young man who took the step to tip you off about her, just one of God's mysterious ways of working.

sojourner

Going to post a quick reply here because I see you're still logged on.

You are in shock which is the first step of the grieving process. But I commend you for coming here to SR. You will find others who have ESH (experience, strength, hope) to offer you as they have been where you are but have moved further into this recovery.

We here at SR will try to guide you into a place where, while you still maintain influence in your relationship with your daughter, you are able to separate from her and her problems. This is for your peace and serenity, and it is also the only way for her Higher Power to move your daughter to a place where she can find recovery.

Keep coming back. You are worth it, your daughter is worth it, your family is worth it.

There will be others posting here later who will have great words of wisdom for you, too.

Sojourner

vaya

Oh sorry, I see your daughter is 24. My AS is 23 and you know what..they're both adults. In my case I finally had to tell my son he couldn't live here anymore and keep using. I was lucky he can stay with his girlfriend for now and won't have to be on the streets, at least yet. It isn't over...he came back to visit tonight, wound up getting loaded, and asked to stay....which I let him do....but he will have to go back to his girlfriends tomorrow. I can no longer take a front row seat to his addiction and self destruction. It does he and I no good whatsoever. It's an ongoing learning process, for both of us.

tormentedmirror

I read that post. My heart goes out to you.

keepinon

HI..mom of a heroin addict daughter..18 yrs old. I highly reccomend going to alanon or naranon.Saved my life. This forum is a gret supplement to meetings, but you will get in person support and the basics at the meetings. First step..you are powerless over your daughters addiction, eating disorder, etc. Scary, but freeing in a way!

tormentedmirror

18. That is so incredibly sad. They're just children, really.

I'm not finding anything locally. The closest nar-anon is held almost 2 hours away. My daughters treatment facility is an hour away. Everything is far away.

ladyamalthea

My sister is a heroin addict. I too do not have access to conveniently-located nar anon meetings. Have you checked into al anon? It's the same program. Al anon is supposed to be nar anon for family and friends of alcoholics, but they welcome loved ones of drug addicts as well. I straight up told my group that my sister is a drug addict, and they welcomed me with open arms. Please consider giving them a try if they are closer.

If that doesn't help, perhaps you can find an online meeting? The more support you can get, the better.

vaya

Another support group is Families Anonymous. They are like Alanon and Naranon and practice the same principles. They aren't as widespread as the others, but also good to know another group for support. (They have a website under Families Anonymous for more info.) I hope you are finding comfort in the responses here and know you are not alone and have come to the right place to share your fears, worries, concerns, thoughts, progress, insights and more. There is a lot of relief that also comes just from being able to let go of the madness going on inside your head.