huntwc

Good morning SR friends. I am really stuggling with an overall depressed mood. At first when I stopped drinking I knew my funky mood was tied directly to that but now it seems to have spilled over into a generalized blue state of mind. I have stuggled with anxiety/depression my whole life and it runs in my family just like alcoholism does.

I have already posted in another thread that my mom has been here for a few days and keeping up a brave front in front of her has been exhausting! (she does not know I am in recovery). My inlaws are coming this weekend and to say they are not my favorite people would be the understatement of the century. Summer is ending and I will miss my kids terribly when school starts...did I mention I HATE winter????

Anyhow...as my title says can I chalk this up to PAWS? Sometimes I think that emotions I buried with wine are now surfacing and I need to deal with them without self medication. I see my Dr. next week...time to adjust my antidepressants (DUH).

If any of you can relate to this and were able to work thru it I would love to hear what you did! If you are still feeling like me let's support each other so we don't feel so alone! You guys inspire me everyday and are so positive about recovery...I want to feel that way too! BTW...38 days sober today.

CarolD

Well done on your sober time....

I'm really glad you will be checking with your doctor soon.
Print out the PAWS info to show him/her.
It could be a factor in your pre-existing problem

I sure don't know.

My alcoholic depression had vanished by the end of
my 2nd. month of AA recovery.
That situational depression had lasted 5 years
clinical depression is a different deal as I understand it.

Frankly....the situation of trying to hide recovery...having
too much company ...and end of summer ....no wonder
you are feeling overwhelmed and sad...Geez!!

Try to be gentle with yourself....do something special just
for yu! Had a manicure or hair cut recently?
Buy something bright colored.....and wear it.

All my best ..

DayTrader

You might be able to chalk it up to the "spiritual malady" written about (at length) in the AA Big Book. I experienced the same thing. Pills (effexor) made it go away but that was just putting a bandaid on it. Turns out, the fix involved no more expensive drugs or doctor visits - sorry Doc, get some other sucker to put your kid through college.

Check it out.

Anna

Yeah, it sounds like a stressful time with parents and in-laws visiting and trying to get through early recovery.

My depression began long before my drinking, so it needed to be treated, but you may find that your clears up.

lildawg

I can't give you any advice on the depression, and you're seeing a doctor anyway for it.

However, I just wanted to say I can so relate to what you're saying here. Having company is so stressful. I can only imagine doing it when you're only 38 days sober. That has to be amazingly intense.

When I have company, I have to get into character, even if it's someone I love, like my mom. I need an hour or so at night just to wind down from being a good hostess and, well, being in character. I'm very introverted in nature, and being with people is just exhausting. When it's just me and my husband here, we hang out a lot and laugh and talk. But there's something different when there's an extra person in the house. It's stressful, and, even when I enjoy the visit, I'm glad when we're alone again.

In-laws. I'm not even getting into that one. Mine died in 1998, and let's just say I don't miss them.

I am sure you can't cut the visits short or cancel them without raising eyebrows. However, can you slip out of the house for an hour or so each day? Perhaps go to an AA meeting just to be around other alcoholics? Perhaps go to Walmart or the Mall and just walk around? Tell your spouse what you want to do and why if you think he'd be supportive. As long as he knows what you're doing, it doesn't matter if you come home from your outing empty-handed. If your guests question you too much, just say you needed a break. It'll be the truth.

(Congrats on the sober time, by the way. You're doing something wonderful for yourself.)

loveon2legs

Congrats on your 38 days!! Try not to let the visit get to you too much, have an exit plan when things start getting on your nerves....when I'm around family I take a break and go for a walk...find a reason to go to the store...and maybe sit at a park for awhile...or book yourself a nice pedicure! I just had one for the first time and it is heavenly!
Take care! xo

huntwc

Thanks gang. I have been feeling sooo guilty about the way I have been feeling during my mom's visit, your posts have helped to realize that once again I am expecting to much too soon. Sometimes 38 days feels like 38 years and I think I should be feeling my new normal by now. In realty I have tons of "firsts" to get thru before I can even expect to feel somewhat comfortable in my sober shoes. I think it is this knowledge that gets me down...all of the future sober firsts looming in front of me scare the crap out of me.

Toronto68

I think the series of firsts are less scary as you go. If you are like me, you will feel a little different with each month. Remember geometry and angles? Don't look at this like going up a huge mountain at 70 degrees; think of it as 15 degrees, a lot less steep. And you allow yourself to make progress in short spans (a day).

The seasonal thing is starting to enter my mind too. When I feel intolerant about the heat, it comes to mind quickly that summer is not here forever. This is the first one I have appreciated this much in a long time, and I think my changes after quitting have a lot to do with that.

When it comes to the depression stuff, I think I fit into the stats that say PAWS peaks between 3 and 6 months after quitting (it'll be 9 months of no drinking for me next week). But I don't know for sure. Just like I don't know what my overal diagnosis is (ie, have I always been depressed and what kind, etc). In my own case, I probably wouldn't believe it before I heard 5 people say the same thing either, due to my stubbornness - or cynicism about doctors and drug manufacturers where I live.

lildawg

Hunt, re: future sober firsts, you always have SR to come to if they get you down.

Don't forget, though, sometimes it's exhilarating to be able to [fill in the blank] and not be so drunk that you're [fill in the blank]. Or to be able to do [fill in the blank] because you're sober.

I remember my first night trip to Walmart. Of course, my husband ruined it by tagging along and complaining every step of the way (because he didn't want me out alone at night but resented accompanying me). Even with that, it was amazing to be able to go somewhere at night safely because I was sober.

For a long time after I got sober, I reveled in driving us places because I was sober and I didn't have to worry about getting a DWI.

So take those firsts and try to see the silver lining in them, even if it's something really little and silly. And, if they do get you down, you've got your built in wailing wall right here.

Dee74

Hi Hunt

It maybe PAWS sure, none of us are doctors...but it might also just be this is a pretty stressful time for you.

Lean on the support you have here
D

LexieCat

I'm exactly like lildawg when it comes to company. Even people I really like. It's part of the reason I'm happiest right now, living alone.

Sounds to me like you got a lot on your plate. I second the idea of stealing some time for yourself when you can.

Don't project too much about how you will feel with the kids back in school, winter, etc. That's a ways off. Because you're sober you will find things to do you didn't have the time/energy/money to do while you were still drinking.