celticghirl

Hi i was wondering how many people actually drank along with their a and also done stupid things along with them?

I have made the mistake time and time again by drinking with my abf and believing that it would all ok and we would have a good night,but it never happened like that.but still i believed it and carried on,on a number of occasions i even got in to trouble.

I now realise that i should never drink with him,it makes me feel bad that i have been so stupid and i was just curious if anybody had done the same sort of thing and how it has affected them.

thanks
ghirl x

Thumper

In the beginning we drank together often. In the end, never. I did not identify him as aloholic in the beginning.

In the middle I drank socially along with him. In the end I was a mom to four kids, always had to drive, and just didn't drink much in general.

I did some stupid things while drinking with him but really - I didn't need his help to do stupid things while drinking. I managed to be plenty stupid all on my own

FiftyPence

I definitely drank with my AW for years before booze became a problem for me. In fact, I was the heavy drinker in those years. She would moderate to a glass or two of wine or a glass of sherry. When I became a dad in my mid thirties I started questioning the role of alcohol in my life, but actually what made me stop drinking was a diet I was on at the time. After a few months of not drinking I lost weight and felt great for all the good sleep I was getting. I decided that the benefits outweighed the drawbacks of not drinking and stuck with it. I may be a dry drunk, I'm not sure. I've definitely got my fair share of issues, but I've not been actively drinking now for almost five years. I have a glass of champagne at new years just to see what I think of it but I'm so in the habit of not drinking now I just don't get the urge anymore. Her drinking was never a problem for me even after I stopped, because at that stage she still drank lightly. Her alcohol abuse was triggered by her mother's cancer diagnosis and subsequent death. It's just been steadily downhill from there.

celticghirl

I agree,i definetly didnt need any help!! I spose i was just hoping i wasnt the only one that did some stupid things with my a! x

TakingCharge999

The thing is that I thought he drank socially like me. I mean going out to drink on a Monday didn't sound alcoholic to me, you can meet that day, drink one or two and call it a night. I just was not around too much to notice he went out all the other nights, too. Still does after 2 years. He seems happy.

I was angry with alcohol for a long time but now that I know alcohol is just a substance sitting there in a bottle, just like a box of matches, or a knife. The only one guilty if harm is done with those is the human handling them.

MovingForward

Over the years I drank with my AH less and less. We were in our 20s and partied like it. Then we had kids. I slowed down and he didn't. It's gotten to the point now that I won't drink with him because he is hurting himself and I can't be a party to that. We're in our 40s now and there are times when I would really love to have a beer or two, but I just can't do it.

PaperDolls

I'm the A .... and my ex used to drink with me all the time. Not that she approved .... she had hope that things would be different, like you. And, like you, was disappointed.

Learn2Live

Well first off, you have no reason to think yourself "stupid." You are not stupid; don't say that about yourself. Be kind to yourself.

Second, you are absolutely not alone in this. I'm willing to bet that MOST of us have drank with the alcoholic in our lives. I, especially, given that I AM the alcoholic in my life LOL. No seriously, yes, it's rather common to drink with the alcoholic to try to get them to stop drinking. I think that is the step you try right BEFORE you start throwing $hit at them to get them to stop LOL.

LucyA

I drank with my brother when we were younger, as did my dad.
He was always a big drinker but way back then no one (in the family) ever thought much of it, we'd never been close to any other alcoholic, apart from the red nosed old men in the pub from dawn till midnight, and he definately wasn't one of them!
The times my dad and I used to drink with him were 20 odd years ago, my brother and I would have been in our twenties. How I wish I knew then what I know now, although I doubt it would have made a difference to my brother.
I used to go out to the local pub and have a social drink or two with my dad, my brother and my husband to be, mum used to come too but I've never known her drink alcohol.
Looking back my brother was always the first there and the one to have an excuse to stay later than the rest of us, even way back then.
It's only a few years ago I realised he was alcoholic, we both married and for me my own family cme first so there wasn't much socialising where drink was involved.
I never drank with him once I realised. To me it would have been either saying yes it's ok to drink, or rubbing his nose in it because I could stop when I wanted to and he couldn't.

missb89

I did drink with mine. He had himself, and me as well, convinced that he wasn't an alcoholic. We kept it to the weekends, and we'd have some friends over. I had just turned 21 and wanted to have fun! I was satisfied with the weekend only thing, but it wasn't long before he wasn't and he felt he deserved more and more. Shortly after we started drinking together was when things really fell apart.

SheCanRun

I drank with my A lots, plenty of times. Then I realized he was an alcoholic. That was the beginning of the end for me, and I completely stopped consuming alcohol with him or around him.

yorkiegirl

This is the only codie/pre-Alanon thing I did not do (not proud to say so either). . .I had to be the responsible one, the designated driver. . .I hate(d?) Alcohol with a passion because I blamed it for my everything wrong in my A's life and by extension my life so drinking w/ my A wasn't something I considered. But, I can understand why one would.

CircleInTheSea

We were both in our early 20's and worked in Food service, so yes, we drank together quite a bit in the beginning. Then it got to the point where when he was supposed to be the dd, he was drunk. So I quit drinking with him, but still drank socially. Now even that is a rarity. We always fought & I look back now and wonder how I didn't see that he was an alcoholic.

ChrrisT

What a great thread!!

I did too. But we were JUST partying. At the beginning he actually controlled his drinking when we "partied" together.

It's part of the process - eventually the non- alcoholic gets tired of it and see the problem. Then the trouble starts - now we want to change them.

There was a time when my RAH called ME the alcoholic.

AHHH good times - good times

celticghirl

Thanks everyone who has posted it has been interesting!i was aware of his drinking problem to a certain extent,but to be honest and probably rather selfish of me i enjoyed drinking with him and looked forward to it,then as time went on he showed his true colours but i still drank with him and in the end i drank with him to be able to be on his level ( so not good) Part of me feels guilty for that.

kptsj

I drank with mine to numb the pain and try to have a peaceful evening. Did some stupid stuff while drinking. But, o ne of us had to be responsible and take care of the kids and things.

ChrrisT

I guess we do it for all kinds of reason.

Looking back it goes along with all the other crazy behavior I still don't understand completely.

The sickest part is how much I drank to keep up.

Now I'll go out with friend have a glass of wine or cocktail, and walk away, even if it's not finished, without even thinking about.

Thoughtful thread

celticghirl

I definetly drank more when with him,how crazy that i had to get pissed out my head to beable to deal with him yet i still carried on and still am carrying on even though i know i shouldnt be.

Learn2Live

I've relapsed in order to BE WITH an alcoholic before. Purposely and mindfully DECIDED, "Oh, I'm going to just drink this ONE 12-pack and smoke this ONE pack of cigarettes" just to hang out with someone I wanted to be with. Not proud of it, but it's the truth.

ChrrisT