vaya

Hello again. My AS is staying at his girlfriend's house with her and her family since I told him to leave. She has been very strict with him, not letting him leave the house during the day when she's at work, restricting his phone use, etc. The family has been supportive and helpful to him ....her dad is an ex meth addict and her uncle or grandfather and ex heroin addict, so they've been talking to him. They don't really work a program or at least go to meetings. My son hasn't been to a meeting since he left detox a couple of weeks ago and is kind of isolated at her house. I originally thought she was going to take him to the rehab he was scheduled to go to, but I guess not. He did disappear for a while last Friday and I am sure he used and has used for the last 3 days since I've spoken to him. His denial and reaction confirms it. Now he's saying he doesn't want to go to rehab.

Here's my concern. His girlfriend is acting like his case manager and trying to fix his addiction. I don't want to tell her what to do and don't. I did suggest that maybe rehab would be a good idea for him and just wanted her to reconsider the options. I can't tell her if he's using or not, it's not my job and I don't want to meddle in their affairs. I just wish she would have taken him to rehab...but I know I have to let her experience what she experiences and cannot control it. He's lucky to have her, but I also think she's trying to save him and in doing so is probably prolonging his bottom too. However, maybe, however, things turn out with him, is something he has to experience and maybe he'll recognize the affect his addiction has on his relationships one day.

My son says he doesn't want to go to rehab. My efforts to talk to him about his using and reconsidering rehab don't do any good. He even hangs up on me.

I think I already know what to do and that is to let go and let be and pray. I can't control his addiction and I can't control how his girlfriend chooses to act. (I have suggested this website to her in case she wants to learn more about recovery and understanding things.) I just have to keep telling myself to let go....It is hard...like I've said before....it's like watching him run onto the tracks of an oncoming train and there's nothing I can do about it, but pray.
Oh and I'm going to recite and write the Serenity Prayer and put it where I can see it always.....Thanks for letting me put this out there. I welcome your support. I'm really glad I found this site and I'm glad I don't have to feel like apologizing anymore for reaching out and letting my thoughts and fears be on view. I know you all do understand, but sometimes we have to be reminded.
Oh and yes...I am definitely going to my Families Anonymous group tonight!!!

suki44883

I think I already know what to do and that is to let go and let be and pray. I can't control his addiction and I can't control how his girlfriend chooses to act.

Bingo! By Jove, I think she's got it!

keepinon

Go to the meeting and keep repeating your own advice to yourself! Sounds like you are thinking clearly.

wicked

Wow, Vaya!
Very impressive.
You already know what to do, keep doing it!
Beth

Angelic17

Thanks for sharing your story with us Vaya. We are all here for you. I too am the mom of an addict. I know what your going through. Your wise to step back and let your son find his own recovery. It's all up to him, and regardless of what you or his girlfriend do for him, only he can help himself.