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Old 08-10-2010, 06:20 AM
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Confession

Failure....after about 110 days sober I decided to make the fateful mistake of thinking I could be a social drinker. I had a day off work and for some unknown reason decided to drink at 8am yesterday. I drank until I passed out at 2pm. Was asleep when my boyfriend came home and woke up feeling just terrible. Guilty. I haven't been on here for about 2 months as I thought I was "cured" and i had been filling up my evenings with things like kickboxing classes etc so had no time for the computer.
I don't expect anything but disappointment from anyone. I just needed to vent. Sorry xxx
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Old 08-10-2010, 06:39 AM
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Hi Angahard! You have 110 days sober, that is awesome and it shows you can do it! My advice, take it for what its worth, is to just get right back in the saddle and chock this up to a learnin experience. You can do it!
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Old 08-10-2010, 06:44 AM
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Not quite sure how starting drinking at 8AM by yourself is considered social drinking. Sounds to me like you wanted/planned to get drunk. I understand as I have been there many times before. The key is that you know what it takes to get some good sober time. I would suggest your re-evaluate what went wrong. What was going through your head that made you think alcohol was a good idea?

You can do this. Keep going!!!
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Old 08-10-2010, 06:49 AM
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i know its not considered social drinking but i didn't know what else to call it.
i woke up, had the day off, had nothing to do in the house, so decided to go out and get drunk. simple.
it was my first day off since my 110 days sober.
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Old 08-10-2010, 06:55 AM
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I guess it doesn't matter what it is called. The result was the same. Drinking, get drunk, feel guilt and remorse.... a cycle all of us here know all too well.

Sounds like you need to find a more constructive way to deal with "idle time". And those options are endless. Good luck.
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Old 08-10-2010, 07:07 AM
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Hi Angharad
Firstly, congratulations on 110 days sober. Please don't beat yourself up. One day isn't the end of the world. If you did 110 days you can do any number of months or years; just remember how great it is to be without alcohol. I've fallen down so many times too in my life, only to start again. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and aim for the next 110. Best wishes.

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Old 08-10-2010, 07:11 AM
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thanks guys, just feel so **** today cuz of yesterday. feel like the past 110 days were wasted and now i have to start again
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Old 08-10-2010, 07:12 AM
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Hey...110 days is great! If you did it once, you can do it again. Now that you realize that social drinking, or just having one or two, isn't something you can do, you can get back on track and continue on down sobriety road. Hang in there and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You'll make it if you just don't stop trying.
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Old 08-10-2010, 07:14 AM
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Angharad, learn what you can from the 110 days and the misstep, and move forward. Sometimes I think we get a little too caught up in counting days and do not focus enough on the things we learn that cannot be counted.
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Old 08-10-2010, 07:18 AM
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Hi there angharad.

I will always be an alcoholic untill I die. I will never be 'cured' so to speak. I have a daily reprieve from my alcoholism sure, and alcohol play no part in my life and I have absolutely no desire to alter my mind through alcohol or drugs. I love my peace of mind, gratitude and sense of purpose that I have in my recovery and wouldn't trade it for anything.

However I have to keep my recovery as the most precious thing in my life. I cannot afford to forget for one second that I am an alcoholic. This isn't a negative thing either, on the contrary, providing I stay away from the first drink then it ain't an issue and has been somewhat of a blessing in many ways. I have more peace of mind than I ever had, all thanks to my recovery from alcoholism.

Alcoholism is primarily a thinking problem and not a drinking problem. The drinking is the very final stage and very much the symptom of where the thinking has gone wrong. Relapse happens way, way, way before the final act of taking that drink.

SR is great as it's really easy to access and I really love my daily visits to SR. It keeps my recovery at the forefront of my mind which is essential for me.

I know that I had to change the inner working of my psyche to stay gratefully sober. I used AA, SR + much wisdom from elsewhere.

No amount of external acticities would have kept me sober for long. I had to change me. I found my way as I wanted to truly stay sober more than I wanted to get drunk.

The only person who should be dissapointed is you. It's your life not anybody else's life.

Make sure that you get really hard back into recovery. I could not have got really properly grounded into solid sobriety without going regular to AA meetings. Not just attending meetings but sharing at each meeting and actively applying everything that I learned and picked up into my daily life. I got to know the people and was respected there. I made sure that I actively engaged. I checked out NA too but AA was where I felt more at home so to speak.

I think it's a case of doing all you can to dedicate your time to your recovery related stuff. Even when I wasn't doing recovery related stuff then I was still applying my recovery. That is where the change occurs.


All The Best xxx
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Old 08-10-2010, 07:24 AM
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Sorry to hear about the slip.

Nobody here is disappointed in you--it's the sort of thing alcoholics do.

Maybe it's not a real good idea to keep alcohol in the house. I know it doesn't stop anyone determined to drink, but it does keep it from being the first thing you reach for when you get ticked off or bored at home.

i know its not considered social drinking but i didn't know what else to call it.
Some people might call it insanity. That isn't me being judgmental, but does drinking yourself into a stupor at 8 am after 110 days sobriety sound reasonable?

I'm fairly new to the forum (though I've been sober for almost 2 years), so I don't know whether you've considered or tried AA. If you haven't tried it, I suggest that you do. Nothing to lose.

Hope you're feeling better soon, but that you don't forget how miserable you feel right now.
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Old 08-10-2010, 07:24 AM
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I used to drink because I was bored as well. As I understand it that is one of the dangers to be aware of. Maybe try to have some things in place for the next time you have a day off so that you don't go for the bottle.

Personally, I believe you can get to a point where you are no longer an alcoholic, but that doesn't mean you can drink again. But that's just me:-) Good luck and keep us posted!
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Old 08-10-2010, 07:31 AM
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i don't keep alcohol in the house i just went out to buy some and yes i feel miserable now.
i know its my life and im the only one disappointed in myself. i guess i just didnt fancy a day alone with myself :S im bipolar and been on meds for 10 years but still dont like time alone with myself :S xx
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Old 08-10-2010, 07:37 AM
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Well just use the 110 days as proof you can do it again, and use the slip as a learning tool. Just try to move on, I know the feeling, been there done that, but just the posts you've made seems like enough shame and guilt to me...start moving on again and remember what happened when you drank again.
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Old 08-10-2010, 08:15 AM
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Sorry about your slip angharad! It happened quite often with me. After awhile I figured I was "cured" and could drink socially, like one glass of wine. That got me off on to the slippery slope and as I grew older the slope grew steeper so that at the end it took only six days to get me into the hospital. It's really not rational at all, when you think about it, what with the burden of the guilt, anger, hangover, withdrawal, humiliation, whatever (!) all just to get a little buzz going and as time goes on it gets much harder to get that buzz and eventually it's not the buzz you are after but just the chance to feel "normal". Normal!!!! Anyone who would call addiction normal must be really abnormal!
Hope you manage to get back on the track and have a smoother ride ahead. Talk to someone, maybe a sponsor or counselor about ways to avoid slips and relapses. That's very much a part of getting well. Good luck

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Old 08-10-2010, 10:25 AM
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110 days is great - congrats. Please don't feel that because you made a mistake that it takes away the hard work you've put into your sobriety. You have 110 days. Now you will go on to either day 1 again if you like ... or how about continue to 111+ .. OR .. 112+ "except for 1 slip-up". I'm not sure if there's a rule (I'm new to this), but it seems to me those 110 days shouldn't be forgotten!

It's kind of something similar to taking on a healthy new lifestyle - say with diet and exercise .. and you've been doing it for 3-4 months ... feeling great ... lost 25 lbs ... started walking more or jogging, or going to the gym .. looking terrific ...... AND THEN ... emotional eating takes over one day .. you have a day off .. just want to relax and take a break from your busy life ... you inhale a cheesecake .. go out and sneak an ice-cream cone .. order a large pizza with the works .. sit on the couch and watch TV for the day...

... One bad day would not take away the healthy lifestyle you've built ... It wouldn't take away the 25 lbs you've lost ... It wouldn't take away how awesome your clothes are fitting (well, except for being bloated and feeling sicky this one day and maybe tomorrow morning).

BUT it was a learning experience --- Now you know what not to do, by experience ... and tomorrow you will continue with that new healthy lifestyle.

You've done wonderfully. I hope to say 110 sober days one day, just like you, and more .. right along with you. Keep it up!
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Old 08-10-2010, 10:37 AM
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110 days is money in the bank. You're posting here! Any thing specific trigger you to take a morning drink? I was never a regular morning drinker, but have done the same thing. Re: your 2 mo absense... Last time i tried that it ended up being a three year sabatical. Connecting here can definitly help keep it real.

Last edited by ElegantlyWasted; 08-10-2010 at 10:46 AM. Reason: Verbage
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Old 08-10-2010, 10:51 AM
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110 ten days of your body and mind healing itself that happend and will always be there. Just start over and learn from the slip.
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Old 08-10-2010, 10:57 AM
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Welcome back Angharad. Well, you have 110 days experience of being sober and the experience from being alcohol free. I can only imagine that you liked the idea of being sober, at least that is how it appears to me. Was there anything else you did besides occupy your time constructively. Like, did you go to any AA meetings. You have already stated that you haven't been coming here. A place that you can come to get constructive support.

So now your back to day one. Like I said, you have the experience of those 110 days, so they weren't wasted. Consider yourself lucky though, there are a lot of people who don't decide to stop after one day of drinking, Many drink until things get a lot worse and there are also many who don't make it back at all.

So, get back on the bike, move forward and try doing something different this time. Suggestions, such as, go to meetings, ask for help on a daily basis, get a sponsor and telephone numbers and even get active by helping to set up the chairs, making coffee or in whatever way they do it at meetings around where you live. Check out the 12 Steps to Recovery. It has worked for many alcoholics. Do keep coming here for support and help. People here are willing to help and support you.

You don't ever have to feel this way again, it's your choice.

I'll keep you in my prayers,

Harry
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Old 08-10-2010, 12:16 PM
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how could any of us be disapointed with you? Why do you think we are all here?
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