New and depressed among other things.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Grove City
Posts: 60
New and depressed among other things.
Hi, I am brand new here. I know I have a drinking problem..I have always been the one who can't stop. My father was an ancholic, and two grandparents also No excuse, just the truth...I like the feeling of being drunk. I feel like I can stop worring about everything, and love the escape from the reality of my life...
I also suffer from severe guilt and depression after a heavy night of drinking which happen to be last nigt. Wine lots of it, but I am not picky that is just what happen to be around.
I feel like a waste, I am tired of being the only one who never controls themselves when drinking and of making an ass of myself. I hate myself for it.
I have two kids, one with special needs and a daughter who is a teen. I feel like a horrible mom for setting a crappy example. I manage to hold it together for about 4-5 days with no drinking then go on a binge. It sucks I am so tired of it...I want it to stop. I also smoke when I drink which causes me even more quilt the following day. I don't know why I can't have more control of myself like others do..
Last night I got on chat after drinking quite a bit. On Facebook, got into a 2 hour chat with a male friend. He doesn't even know I was drinking, I covered pretty well. I re read it today and even surprise myself with how well I covered! I hate that too, I loose control when drunk and feel like I have to talk to someone..
Thank you for listening, I hope someone can relate to this....I need to quit for my physical and mental health and I am tired of feeling like a failure
Love to you all on this tough ride..
FD
I also suffer from severe guilt and depression after a heavy night of drinking which happen to be last nigt. Wine lots of it, but I am not picky that is just what happen to be around.
I feel like a waste, I am tired of being the only one who never controls themselves when drinking and of making an ass of myself. I hate myself for it.
I have two kids, one with special needs and a daughter who is a teen. I feel like a horrible mom for setting a crappy example. I manage to hold it together for about 4-5 days with no drinking then go on a binge. It sucks I am so tired of it...I want it to stop. I also smoke when I drink which causes me even more quilt the following day. I don't know why I can't have more control of myself like others do..
Last night I got on chat after drinking quite a bit. On Facebook, got into a 2 hour chat with a male friend. He doesn't even know I was drinking, I covered pretty well. I re read it today and even surprise myself with how well I covered! I hate that too, I loose control when drunk and feel like I have to talk to someone..
Thank you for listening, I hope someone can relate to this....I need to quit for my physical and mental health and I am tired of feeling like a failure
Love to you all on this tough ride..
FD
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,466
Hi and Welcome,
I used to reach out to people too, inappropriately, when I was drinking. I wasn't myself and would regret it so much afterwards.
The thing is you get sucked into the cycle of drinking/feeling awful/drinking again because you feel awful, and it just goes on and on and sucks the life out of you. Take a leap of faith and step out of the cycle of addiction.
I used to reach out to people too, inappropriately, when I was drinking. I wasn't myself and would regret it so much afterwards.
The thing is you get sucked into the cycle of drinking/feeling awful/drinking again because you feel awful, and it just goes on and on and sucks the life out of you. Take a leap of faith and step out of the cycle of addiction.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Depression is why I decided to quit drinking
and joined AA. I'm sorry you have it....
Welcome to our recovery community
Blessings to you and your children
and joined AA. I'm sorry you have it....
Welcome to our recovery community
Blessings to you and your children
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Who wouldn't be depressed, Dawn! And who wouldn't feel guilty after all the stuff thats been going on in your life. And alcohol is a depressant. Some folks think it gives them a "lift" but as you probably know, there sure is a let down afterwards. It takes courage to step out of the cycle of addiction, as Anna put it. But, if you do, maybe with the help of the fellowship at AA, you're sure to be glad you did. And you'll find your friends and family will respect you for it. Good luck.
Wpainterw
Wpainterw
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome FD! It's great that you've decided to change and want a sober life. I can relate to the depression and the feeling of guilt (Those mornings were herendous and I remember asking myself every time: WHY do I keep doing this to myself???).
I found it to be a big relief once I came to SR and posted. There's so much support here from people who understand what addiction is like. I think we all loved that escape, but the price we have to pay for it is too great. Keep posting and reading. It's helped me to stay sober for 3 months, in spite of thinking I'd never be able to do it.:ghug3
I found it to be a big relief once I came to SR and posted. There's so much support here from people who understand what addiction is like. I think we all loved that escape, but the price we have to pay for it is too great. Keep posting and reading. It's helped me to stay sober for 3 months, in spite of thinking I'd never be able to do it.:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Whistler, British Columbia
Posts: 222
Hey Dawn, Welcome!
Lets look at your first post and list the good / bad of what you are saying.
good
- I like the feeling of being drunk.
- I feel like I can stop worrying about everything
- love the escape from the reality of my life
Bad
- I feel like a waste
- I am tired of making an ass of myself
- I hate myself for it.
- I feel like a horrible mom for setting a crappy example. I
Now here is the great news
you also sound like you have had enough and do want to quit. I can promise you that all of the bad things in what you have listed are the result of the drinking.
So now you have the chance to be a GREAT mom and set a positive example to your kids. To stop making yourself look like an ass, to stop feeling like a waste.
And most importantly to start loving yourself today.
If you stop drinking you will no longer have to look for an escape.
You will be free.
Lets look at your first post and list the good / bad of what you are saying.
good
- I like the feeling of being drunk.
- I feel like I can stop worrying about everything
- love the escape from the reality of my life
Bad
- I feel like a waste
- I am tired of making an ass of myself
- I hate myself for it.
- I feel like a horrible mom for setting a crappy example. I
Now here is the great news
you also sound like you have had enough and do want to quit. I can promise you that all of the bad things in what you have listed are the result of the drinking. So now you have the chance to be a GREAT mom and set a positive example to your kids. To stop making yourself look like an ass, to stop feeling like a waste.
And most importantly to start loving yourself today.
If you stop drinking you will no longer have to look for an escape.
You will be free.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Welcome, Dawn,
Nobody comes in looking for help with a drinking problem because he or she is having a good time. We all know what it's like to feel that horrible self-loathing.
Do you have a plan for quitting and for recovering? I like AA very much--I've been sober almost two years and it's great to be free of the burden of my addiction.
Keep reading and posting--you will find a lot of good information here.
Nobody comes in looking for help with a drinking problem because he or she is having a good time. We all know what it's like to feel that horrible self-loathing.
Do you have a plan for quitting and for recovering? I like AA very much--I've been sober almost two years and it's great to be free of the burden of my addiction.
Keep reading and posting--you will find a lot of good information here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Grove City
Posts: 60
Thank you to everyon for your welcomes and comments. So far so good. Now ask me the end of next week how I am doing and I probably will want a drink so bad I'll be shaking...truth..I am glad to have found this place, even took a tiny peeek at chat last night!
I will keep reading and posting. I think I am seeing that this is not a forum for just AA is that right. I really would like to try this without AA. I am not an every day drinker, but definately could become one, I have gotten worse in the past year. I know it is a big problem for me. I hope that I can stop on my own with the support of people on this forum!
But we shall see, AA not out of the question for me if Ineed it.
Thank you all you wonderful souls!
FD
I will keep reading and posting. I think I am seeing that this is not a forum for just AA is that right. I really would like to try this without AA. I am not an every day drinker, but definately could become one, I have gotten worse in the past year. I know it is a big problem for me. I hope that I can stop on my own with the support of people on this forum!
But we shall see, AA not out of the question for me if Ineed it.
Thank you all you wonderful souls!
FD
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,864
Welcome to SR! It's good that you have an open mind. I always worry for the ones who come here and say I won't do this or I won't do that. Those who truly want to live a sober life won't put qualifications on it. They will be open minded enough try something they may not particularly want to do if it means they can reach their ultimate goal of sobriety.
I didn't use AA myself, but I know many who have and have been successful. Everyone is different and what works for one person may not work for another. What it all boils down to is not picking up that first drink.
This forum is full of people who want to support you and help you find what works for you. I can't tell you how helpful the folks here have been. Hang in there and be willing to do whatever it takes, and you will succeed.
I didn't use AA myself, but I know many who have and have been successful. Everyone is different and what works for one person may not work for another. What it all boils down to is not picking up that first drink.
This forum is full of people who want to support you and help you find what works for you. I can't tell you how helpful the folks here have been. Hang in there and be willing to do whatever it takes, and you will succeed.
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
FD, when I read your post I felt like I could have written it myself. I too have self hate, guilt and shame, and I also have 2 kids that I've been setting a bad example for. I used to be a social drinker, and have turned into a nightly drinker. I know I have a problem because I can't regulate my drinking. Even when I'm completely wasted, I always want "one more". You are right that this isn't an AA only forum. I have been on the chats for the past few night, and it does relieve a lot of stress. Every day I check in here, and it makes me feel so much better, and I've learned so much. Now I know when I'm feeling halt, to take a break and figure it out before reaching for a drink. I'm 8 days sober today, and thankful to this forum for the support. Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Ca.
Posts: 315
Originally Posted by julez 
FD, when I read your post I felt like I could have written it myself. I too have self hate, guilt and shame, and I also have 2 kids that I've been setting a bad example for. I used to be a social drinker, and have turned into a nightly drinker. I know I have a problem because I can't regulate my drinking. Even when I'm completely wasted, I always want "one more".
Congrats on the 8 days.
FD...keep coming in here. I'm a newbie too. This forum is nice to come to when you are feeling weak.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
