CircleInTheSea

I woke up for work this morning and AH was still up from the day before...which raised my suspicions....then asked me if I would like breakfast (which is admittedly nice, but made the radar beep a little faster....)....and when he came back from getting breakfast and leaned in to kiss me good morning, I could smell that old alcohol smell. *sigh*. I'm positive that it was residual from last night, or I wouldn't have left him with the kiddos. He went for a motorcycle ride while I finished getting ready, and it just makes me sad. I'm also expecting a rant by the time I get home tonight because I have plans this evening and he will be very tired from his whole night up doing who knows what. If history has taught me anything, it's that he'll find some reason by 5pm to complain about the unfairness of it all.
I am making myself the promise not to bait, or take bait. To enjoy the evening I had planned, and not to make alternative arrangements for him.
"grant me the serenity...."

nodaybut2day

Ugh that totally sucks. I'm sorry.

Detaching is great and all...but what is your ultimate plan?

JenT1968

Ok then, he hasn't gone to sleep ALL night, you can smell alcohol on him and you believe that at some point during the night he just stopped drinking, but stayed awake, without having help from stimulants/more alcohol?

then he went for a bike ride and looked after the kids without having a sleep. Even if the (very unlikley in my experience) scenario above is true, how long before before he mentally crashes and needs to sleep? do the kiddos deserve to have grumpy/sleepy looking after them? how old are they?

MY AH never "stopped" drinking, he drank until he passed out at the weekend. During the week he would drink until he ran out of lcohol then went to bed. If he stayed up all night that meant he was drinking all night +/- coke/speed/ecstasy whatever. But to imagine that he would have stopped drinking and then not gone to sleep............ hmmmm: well, it just never happened.

Of course he'll be ranting by 5, if he's still awake. in future I would arrange for the kids to ahve a babysitter or go over to a friends house when you were due for a night out: then he can't saotage you and you don't have to spend time worrying about it.

CircleInTheSea

Honestly, my ultimate plan is to detach as much as possible until I have the funds to leave/kick him out. I've started a separate checking/savings so that I can have enough for a lawyer. I know that I can file by myself and it's much cheaper, but we have children and property. I feel like it's going to be sticky and I don't qualify for any type of legal aid. I've thought about it a lot in the past few weeks and I know he doesn't want to change and I don't want to live my life 'detached' from it, YK?
To me, his behavior this morning was his way of 'making it right'. He knows how I feel about his drinking, he knows that I would be upset "if I knew" he was drinking last night (I'm sure he genuinely believes I have no idea or that I 'haven't figured it out' yet.) The only reason I'm sure he stopped drinking is because ALL the places to buy alcohol close at 11 through the week here. I went to bed at 10:30 and his buying habits are to only get as much as he thinks will tide him over b/c he knows he can't control what he drinks as soon as he starts drinking. We're smack dab in the middle of relapse and having been on the sober side, we aren't up to full force midnight-drunken-temper-tantrum. We're still in the early 'I'm going to hide it and pretend that you don't know phase'.
He's also had no less than three energy drinks this morning, and I'm sure he'll have more throughout the day. He doesn't do other drugs (to my knowledge....). I have a friend that is going to watch kiddos this evening for me. You make a good point in that they shouldn't have to deal with that and it's naive to think that he won't be grumbly with them since I'm positive he is going to come up with a reason to argue this evening.