Day 1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 4
Day 1
Today I have decided to recommit to a sober life. I am genuinely hoping that this is the last time I will do so.
The following will read like a very long stream of consciousness - apologies upfront but I feel it will be useful to be as honest and as exhaustive as possible. The more details I discuss here the more targeted advice I might potentially elicit from you folks out there. If anyone can take the time to comment and bring me closer to my goal it would be appreciated...
I can't remember the last time I was sober for more then two days. I woke up today with a hangover - its Monday morning - man that is depressing. I decided to come up with an excuse not to come in to work today and take some quality time to reflect on where I am heading in life. I felt like the last couple of weekends have been a lot better re. drinking in moderation. In reality it is still problematic. Despite many attempts to reduce drinking - ie. no hard liquor or weekend only drinking rules - they have all failed. Several times I have realised that I need to abstain completely, only to find different excuses to revert back to 'drinking in moderation'. I convince myself that I will be less inhibited and more interesting in social situations or that I deserve a little reward after a long day at work. My drinking in moderation plans work in about 3 out of 4 cases - the one out of four cases usually leaves me disappointed or worse. I guess you could say my level of drinking has trended upwards since I was a teenager. Over ten years of drinking has certainly impacted my life in many negative ways. I have managed to hide a significant fraction of my alcohol abuse problems, with only a small handfull of people knowing the full extent of the problem. My 'ability' to avoid more harsh consequences to date is largely due to the type of work that I do. As a research scientist in academia I have travelled a lot during my career and have enjoyed(?) a lot of autonomy/independence in achieving research goals. The ability to work from home and unsupervised for extended period of times has facilitated alcohol abuse while largely going unnoticed by my superiors. Although I managed a PhD and am currently holding down a postdoc research position at a university I am not reaching my potential and am likely to find myself in a great deal of trouble finding my next contract if I dont become very productive, very soon.
Thoughts of ruining my career through alcohol abuse are becoming more persistent and visions of unemployment, shame and severe depression could become reality for me over the coming months. I have seen this situation slowly but surely revealing itself for some time. It's like standing out on 'self destruction' freeway and watching a Mack truck bearing down upon me. For too long I have failed to take enough action and I 'trick' myself into believing that I can walk this freeway and manage to somehow avoid being hit by a truck. I have to get off this crazy, drunken douche freeway now. Seriously - sometimes Im drink driving on this freeway - which I know is an unacceptable danger to the community and myself...
Alcohol is also affecting my ability to form meaningful relationships and grow as a person. I have a christian background and have maintained at least a surface level of 'faith' over the years. My effort to maintain a relationship with God and other church folks needs to improve a boat load - I have moved to a very distant place. Although I dont consider myself to be overtly conservative or believe I have a track record of judging/condemning others for their flaws - I still feel like a huge hypocrite - especially when participating in church stuff like teaching and preaching. I feel the need to keep up the farcade of everything is ok and only occassionally discuss my problems - never revealing the full spectrum of the struggles that I have. On the one hand I do this to avoid shame and on another I am aware that it is not uncommon for each of us to have big problems in our lives - so why should I bother/burden people by my sob stories of self destruction.
On a secular level I feel as though I am wasting good opportunities to pursue an interesting career and ultimately wasting my life. I am getting fatter, reducing the time I spend playing sport/getting outdoors and likely starting cascades of every type of nasty cancer associated with booze.
Underlying my drinking problems is my introverted personality. I guess that's how I got into drinking in the first place - to lower anxiety in situations that require me to engage in conversation - particularly those with the ladies. My drinking includes at home in front of the TV as well.
My loose plan is the following. Complete 24 hours of sobriety - I've made it to about 20 hours. From there push on through the coming weekend. Weekends are definitely more difficult due to social events, BBQ's and that. I have to maintain the mindset that sobriety is the number 1 thing for me right now - no matter what I perceive the consequences of staying sober at parties might be. I have to be ok with my quietness - surely it's a better idea then getting drunk, potentially saying stupid things and likely waking up with only vague memories of what happened. Not that that happens each time that I drink but the only way to ensure that this doesnt happen is to not drink in the first place, duh!. Sounds easy in theory?! My other ideas to stay sober revolve around reminding myself how good it feels physically and emotionally to wake up sober and be able to have the energy to work through a whole day. Much of my depression comes from not achieving the things I want to because I'm tired and/or hungover. I am removing beer from the fridge, pouring wine down the sink and strapping on some running shoes in the next 30 mins or so...
One thing I'd like to include in my plan is reading testimonials of people that have overcame alcohol abuse/alcoholism. I'd like to understand more about the big picture stuff down to smaller details about how people progress from daily drinking to embracing and really enjoying a sober lifestyle. What makes these people tick, what did they change, how do they stay consistent? I'm hoping to complement my own efforts with inspirational stories of success. Perhaps there are also interesting biographies/autobiographies that people can recommend...thanks for reading...
The following will read like a very long stream of consciousness - apologies upfront but I feel it will be useful to be as honest and as exhaustive as possible. The more details I discuss here the more targeted advice I might potentially elicit from you folks out there. If anyone can take the time to comment and bring me closer to my goal it would be appreciated...
I can't remember the last time I was sober for more then two days. I woke up today with a hangover - its Monday morning - man that is depressing. I decided to come up with an excuse not to come in to work today and take some quality time to reflect on where I am heading in life. I felt like the last couple of weekends have been a lot better re. drinking in moderation. In reality it is still problematic. Despite many attempts to reduce drinking - ie. no hard liquor or weekend only drinking rules - they have all failed. Several times I have realised that I need to abstain completely, only to find different excuses to revert back to 'drinking in moderation'. I convince myself that I will be less inhibited and more interesting in social situations or that I deserve a little reward after a long day at work. My drinking in moderation plans work in about 3 out of 4 cases - the one out of four cases usually leaves me disappointed or worse. I guess you could say my level of drinking has trended upwards since I was a teenager. Over ten years of drinking has certainly impacted my life in many negative ways. I have managed to hide a significant fraction of my alcohol abuse problems, with only a small handfull of people knowing the full extent of the problem. My 'ability' to avoid more harsh consequences to date is largely due to the type of work that I do. As a research scientist in academia I have travelled a lot during my career and have enjoyed(?) a lot of autonomy/independence in achieving research goals. The ability to work from home and unsupervised for extended period of times has facilitated alcohol abuse while largely going unnoticed by my superiors. Although I managed a PhD and am currently holding down a postdoc research position at a university I am not reaching my potential and am likely to find myself in a great deal of trouble finding my next contract if I dont become very productive, very soon.
Thoughts of ruining my career through alcohol abuse are becoming more persistent and visions of unemployment, shame and severe depression could become reality for me over the coming months. I have seen this situation slowly but surely revealing itself for some time. It's like standing out on 'self destruction' freeway and watching a Mack truck bearing down upon me. For too long I have failed to take enough action and I 'trick' myself into believing that I can walk this freeway and manage to somehow avoid being hit by a truck. I have to get off this crazy, drunken douche freeway now. Seriously - sometimes Im drink driving on this freeway - which I know is an unacceptable danger to the community and myself...
Alcohol is also affecting my ability to form meaningful relationships and grow as a person. I have a christian background and have maintained at least a surface level of 'faith' over the years. My effort to maintain a relationship with God and other church folks needs to improve a boat load - I have moved to a very distant place. Although I dont consider myself to be overtly conservative or believe I have a track record of judging/condemning others for their flaws - I still feel like a huge hypocrite - especially when participating in church stuff like teaching and preaching. I feel the need to keep up the farcade of everything is ok and only occassionally discuss my problems - never revealing the full spectrum of the struggles that I have. On the one hand I do this to avoid shame and on another I am aware that it is not uncommon for each of us to have big problems in our lives - so why should I bother/burden people by my sob stories of self destruction.
On a secular level I feel as though I am wasting good opportunities to pursue an interesting career and ultimately wasting my life. I am getting fatter, reducing the time I spend playing sport/getting outdoors and likely starting cascades of every type of nasty cancer associated with booze.
Underlying my drinking problems is my introverted personality. I guess that's how I got into drinking in the first place - to lower anxiety in situations that require me to engage in conversation - particularly those with the ladies. My drinking includes at home in front of the TV as well.
My loose plan is the following. Complete 24 hours of sobriety - I've made it to about 20 hours. From there push on through the coming weekend. Weekends are definitely more difficult due to social events, BBQ's and that. I have to maintain the mindset that sobriety is the number 1 thing for me right now - no matter what I perceive the consequences of staying sober at parties might be. I have to be ok with my quietness - surely it's a better idea then getting drunk, potentially saying stupid things and likely waking up with only vague memories of what happened. Not that that happens each time that I drink but the only way to ensure that this doesnt happen is to not drink in the first place, duh!. Sounds easy in theory?! My other ideas to stay sober revolve around reminding myself how good it feels physically and emotionally to wake up sober and be able to have the energy to work through a whole day. Much of my depression comes from not achieving the things I want to because I'm tired and/or hungover. I am removing beer from the fridge, pouring wine down the sink and strapping on some running shoes in the next 30 mins or so...
One thing I'd like to include in my plan is reading testimonials of people that have overcame alcohol abuse/alcoholism. I'd like to understand more about the big picture stuff down to smaller details about how people progress from daily drinking to embracing and really enjoying a sober lifestyle. What makes these people tick, what did they change, how do they stay consistent? I'm hoping to complement my own efforts with inspirational stories of success. Perhaps there are also interesting biographies/autobiographies that people can recommend...thanks for reading...
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Um,
I'd suggest staying away from the parties for awhile. You say you drink because you're an introvert. It's a little crazy to put yourself in that kind of pressure-filled social situation and simply expect not to drink, right in the very beginning. Not that you won't be able to do it in time, but sheesh. Talk about setting yourself up to fail out of the box.
I second the suggestion of reading the AA Big Book. It lays out a plan that has worked for many, many alcoholics. Another very interesting read, that I personally found helpful in my journey, is Sober for Good, by Anne Fletcher. It tells about several of the various ways people have found to become, and successfully stay, sober, including AA, SMART, SOS, WFS, and other programs or methods.
Read around these forums, there is a lot of good information, and you will see what works for various people.
I'd suggest staying away from the parties for awhile. You say you drink because you're an introvert. It's a little crazy to put yourself in that kind of pressure-filled social situation and simply expect not to drink, right in the very beginning. Not that you won't be able to do it in time, but sheesh. Talk about setting yourself up to fail out of the box.
I second the suggestion of reading the AA Big Book. It lays out a plan that has worked for many, many alcoholics. Another very interesting read, that I personally found helpful in my journey, is Sober for Good, by Anne Fletcher. It tells about several of the various ways people have found to become, and successfully stay, sober, including AA, SMART, SOS, WFS, and other programs or methods.
Read around these forums, there is a lot of good information, and you will see what works for various people.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Hi Luke
I really related to a lot of your post. I'm an introvert too and I always thought I needed alcohol to prop me up in social situations.
Strangely enough I had my first social situation without alcohol this past weekend (just dinner with my husband's parents) and I actually felt a lot more relaxed, present, and sociable than usual. I think that finally being free from constant thoughts like "will they notice if I gulp this drink down and order another too quickly?" and "how drunk exactly do I appear right now?" actually really helped. I was able to focus on what everyone was saying and participate in the conversation much more easily. I don't know if it will work that way for you, but it was a nice surprise for me.
I second Lexie's advice about staying away from parties for now... right now a dinner out is about all the challenge I can handle. I'm going to do my best to stay bar and party free for at least my first 30 days.
Keep posting... lots of good advice on here
SBTS
I really related to a lot of your post. I'm an introvert too and I always thought I needed alcohol to prop me up in social situations.
Strangely enough I had my first social situation without alcohol this past weekend (just dinner with my husband's parents) and I actually felt a lot more relaxed, present, and sociable than usual. I think that finally being free from constant thoughts like "will they notice if I gulp this drink down and order another too quickly?" and "how drunk exactly do I appear right now?" actually really helped. I was able to focus on what everyone was saying and participate in the conversation much more easily. I don't know if it will work that way for you, but it was a nice surprise for me.
I second Lexie's advice about staying away from parties for now... right now a dinner out is about all the challenge I can handle. I'm going to do my best to stay bar and party free for at least my first 30 days.
Keep posting... lots of good advice on here
SBTS
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi Luke!
Sounds like you have a good plan in place. Considering your background in academia I think reading testimonials is a great idea.
I have also found that educatin mysel as much as possible about alcoholism was a big help for me.
I was also a big introvert who used booze to make social situations easier. Now I realize that I wasn't really making it easier, I was just shuttin off the swithes that kept me from being stupid. Its up to you whether you can handle this weekends activity. But if you think there is any chance, even slight, of temptation I would avoid going.
Peace, LF
Sounds like you have a good plan in place. Considering your background in academia I think reading testimonials is a great idea.
I have also found that educatin mysel as much as possible about alcoholism was a big help for me.
I was also a big introvert who used booze to make social situations easier. Now I realize that I wasn't really making it easier, I was just shuttin off the swithes that kept me from being stupid. Its up to you whether you can handle this weekends activity. But if you think there is any chance, even slight, of temptation I would avoid going.
Peace, LF
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 16
Hi Luke,
I joined today myself, and in looking for other stories to help catapult my desire to quit my crutch of choice as well...I found you.
It's my day one too, and I'm here with you.
Your success or failure is yours alone. You did not get your PhD and your current position without many sacrifices, and hard work. I am willing to bet that you stayed up many an evening studying, sleepless nights, anxiety, skipping social events to work toward your passion.......and this will be no different...you will do all those things this time....only your priorities will have changed...at least for a while. If you can manage this (and you can) then you will have circumvented one of the most probable catastrophes in your life. You will succeed at your next contract, and once you get your feet under you, you can have a successful relationship provided you acquire and maintain a healthy relationship with Luke first. Change your internal dialogue, make it positive..........and I'll try too.
I joined today myself, and in looking for other stories to help catapult my desire to quit my crutch of choice as well...I found you.
It's my day one too, and I'm here with you.
Your success or failure is yours alone. You did not get your PhD and your current position without many sacrifices, and hard work. I am willing to bet that you stayed up many an evening studying, sleepless nights, anxiety, skipping social events to work toward your passion.......and this will be no different...you will do all those things this time....only your priorities will have changed...at least for a while. If you can manage this (and you can) then you will have circumvented one of the most probable catastrophes in your life. You will succeed at your next contract, and once you get your feet under you, you can have a successful relationship provided you acquire and maintain a healthy relationship with Luke first. Change your internal dialogue, make it positive..........and I'll try too.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Luke! I can also relate to your post. All the ways I tried to control my drinking didn't work either - or at least didn't work for long. The times that I did manage to put together several days of sobriety were usually because I had to, and I always managed to make up for lost time later.
I tend to isolate myself as well. My job as an artist allowed me to do that, and gave me all the freedom I needed to drink any time and any amount I wanted. I excused those "days off" (to recoup from drinking) by telling myself I'd make up for the work another day. Of course, it got to the point where I would spend at least 4 days a week sleeping until noon and then drinking by 3 pm just to feel "normal" enough to accomplish something.
You're not alone. And you're not a weak or flawed person. You share all these issues with everyone here - it's the way alcoholism affects our lives. I'm so glad you're deciding to get off the merry-go-round and begin a new life. You won't regret it!!!!:ghug3
I tend to isolate myself as well. My job as an artist allowed me to do that, and gave me all the freedom I needed to drink any time and any amount I wanted. I excused those "days off" (to recoup from drinking) by telling myself I'd make up for the work another day. Of course, it got to the point where I would spend at least 4 days a week sleeping until noon and then drinking by 3 pm just to feel "normal" enough to accomplish something.
You're not alone. And you're not a weak or flawed person. You share all these issues with everyone here - it's the way alcoholism affects our lives. I'm so glad you're deciding to get off the merry-go-round and begin a new life. You won't regret it!!!!:ghug3
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Well Luke, based on the time of your first post it looks as though you made it through a whole day without drinking. So do it again tomorrow, and you'll be at the 2 days you spoke of. That's really all any of us can do. Don't worry about this weekend, or next month, or 20 years from now. When you go to bed, just make sure that when your head hits the pillow no alcohol has touched your lips all day. Then tomorrow, you'll do the same thing.
One day at a time. Just for today. However you want to put it, that's how you do it. Those single days (hopefully) just keep adding up.
Thanks for joining us here. This is an amazing site with lots of wonderful people who can share their experience and support with you. I found this forum 4 months ago, and through a combination of it and AA, I've not found it necessary to drink in that time.
One day at a time. Just for today. However you want to put it, that's how you do it. Those single days (hopefully) just keep adding up.
Thanks for joining us here. This is an amazing site with lots of wonderful people who can share their experience and support with you. I found this forum 4 months ago, and through a combination of it and AA, I've not found it necessary to drink in that time.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
There is a forum here on personal recovery stories as well.
Stories of Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
When a member has finished a year of recovery
then they may post there too.
Are you aware of the dangers of de toxing alone?
It's always wise to check with your doctor.....be
both safe and sober...
Please read this link...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Welcome to SR ..
Glad you are here with us
Last edited by CarolD; 08-03-2010 at 12:00 AM. Reason: Added Links
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: las vegas nv
Posts: 180
Welcome Luke, Come here anytime for support. Everyone on here is so helpful. You can enjoy a sober party on here until you are ready to go out again. So you have been drinking for 10 years? And you drank to become more outgoing and social? Well, don't sell yourself short, it's been 10 years and you have grown as a person (addiction or not), you might not be as introverted as you think. You seem like a very intelligent person, so be confident in yourself, you will have a lot to offer one day. Good Luck to you, we will pray for your recovery.Also, the Hazeldon Meditation books are helpful for me, like "One Day at a Time"
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: san fernando valley, CA
Posts: 183
Hello Luke,
I just joined yesterday as well and yesterday I woke up hung-over and feeling so ashamed and embarressed of how out of control my drinking has become. I have made a fool out of myself for a long time and recently have been hurting way too many people with my actions and words while drunk.
Yesterday was day 1 sober for me. I made it and I think the hard part starts now. I am aiming for 2 weeks sober. If I can stay 2 weeks away from alcohol... It will be a huge moment in my life. I have not been able to say that for 10 years. I have been drunk ever since I had my last child. It is not fair to them and thank the lord I finally see it now. I have found a church that I love, but that still didn't help me stop my drinking. I guess it is just going to have to be all me and will power.
I have to go to bbq/surprise party this weekend and my main goal is to stay sober. Im kind of embarressed to say "Im trying to stay sober" so I think when offered beer I will say I just don't feel good right now or Im really thirsty and just want a water first etc. This weekend will be a huge occomplishment for me. If I can go to a party and not drink and still aim for my 2 weeks sober, I think I will be so proud of myself that I will want to continue that streak.
Hang in there, and stay strong. Im here with you. We can do it.
I just joined yesterday as well and yesterday I woke up hung-over and feeling so ashamed and embarressed of how out of control my drinking has become. I have made a fool out of myself for a long time and recently have been hurting way too many people with my actions and words while drunk.
Yesterday was day 1 sober for me. I made it and I think the hard part starts now. I am aiming for 2 weeks sober. If I can stay 2 weeks away from alcohol... It will be a huge moment in my life. I have not been able to say that for 10 years. I have been drunk ever since I had my last child. It is not fair to them and thank the lord I finally see it now. I have found a church that I love, but that still didn't help me stop my drinking. I guess it is just going to have to be all me and will power.
I have to go to bbq/surprise party this weekend and my main goal is to stay sober. Im kind of embarressed to say "Im trying to stay sober" so I think when offered beer I will say I just don't feel good right now or Im really thirsty and just want a water first etc. This weekend will be a huge occomplishment for me. If I can go to a party and not drink and still aim for my 2 weeks sober, I think I will be so proud of myself that I will want to continue that streak.
Hang in there, and stay strong. Im here with you. We can do it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Lowell
Posts: 345
Hi Luke, welcome to SoberRecovery. I'll do my best here to answer your request.
"One thing I'd like to include in my plan is reading testimonials of people that have overcame alcohol abuse/alcoholism. I'd like to understand more about the big picture stuff down to smaller details about how people progress from daily drinking to embracing and really enjoying a sober lifestyle. What makes these people tick, what did they change, how do they stay consistent? I'm hoping to complement my own efforts with inspirational stories of success. Perhaps there are also interesting biographies/autobiographies that people can recommend...thanks for reading... "
And as a few have already mentioned, there is a section "Recovery Stories."
First, let me identify and relate to yours. These are those parts, in quotations.
"I can't remember the last time I was sober for more then two days."
"drinking in moderation. In reality it is still problematic. Despite many attempts to reduce drinking - ie. no hard liquor or weekend only drinking rules "
"Several times I have realised that I need to abstain completely, only to find different excuses to revert back to 'drinking in moderation'."
I guess you could say my level of drinking has trended upwards since I was a teenager."
"drinking has certainly impacted my life in many negative ways."
"I am not reaching my potential "
"I have seen this situation slowly but surely revealing itself for some time."
"It's like standing out on 'self destruction' freeway and watching a Mack truck bearing down upon me."
"Alcohol is also affecting my ability to form meaningful relationships and grow as a person."
"drinking in the first place - to lower anxiety in situations that require me to engage in conversation - particularly those with the ladies. My drinking includes at home in front of the TV as well."
"saying stupid things and likely waking up with only vague memories of what happened."
"Much of my depression comes from not achieving the things I want to"
And, I blamed a lot of other people for my problems, "drinking" and other, no one held a gun to my head to make me drink and there were things I could have done different.
Now, if you want to, you can read my story in the section "Stories of Recovery." If you do, let me just say this, nobody has to reach the bottom that I did, they only have to reach their own bottom.
My success of 9 1/2 years of sobriety comes but "ONE DAY AT A TIME." It's sort of like putting money into a savings account, the more you add, the more you save. If I am succesful at staying sober today, it is another day in succession I can add to my sobriety account.
How did it happen? I went to one A.A. meeting and picked up a white chip, at that time they were giving out white chips to newcomers, (called "ONE DAY AT A TIME"), and then I started going to meetings on a daily basis. Sometimes 2 or 3 meetings a day. I truthfully admitted that I am an alcoholic and that my life was unmanageable. I listened to what worked for other people. And they mentioned, asking a Higher Power (who I chose to call God) for help every morning. Asking to help keep me sober, just for today. And if I was successful, thanked Him every night for a day of sobriety. They went to meetings everyday, (they said meeting makers make it). So I did the same. They said they got a sponsor and called their sponsor everyday. And that their sponsor suggested things to stay sober, that worked for them, and I got a sponsor and called him everyday and he would share with me what was working for him and suggested that if I wanted to, I should do the same. And I took the suggestions, hoping it would work for me. I reached out my hand to other people and introduced myself and let them know I needed help. I got a Home Group and helped that group set the chairs up for the meeting, made coffee, in time became the secretary of the group, in short, I started to get involved in my own recovery. I started to make changes with me. My thinking, my attitude and my actions. I started going to a Big Book Step Meeting, listened to some people share and picked out someone and asked him to be my sponsor to help me through the process of the 12 Steps to Recovery.
Did what was suggested throughout the Steps, working on one step at a time, starting from the first. When I was done, I started to live the Steps in my life. I've been asked a couple of times by people who wanted help going through the process of the 12 Steps and I did it. When I went to meetings and noticed a newcomer or someone just coming back, or someone struggling, I reached out my hand and introduced myself, and would pass on to them my name and phone number, and let them know. If you need help, anytime day or night, no matter what time, call me. We will do what we need to do to help you stay sober. If you drink, when you sober up, call me and we'll talk over what happened and how it might have been prevented.
And this is what I do to stay sober, "Just for Today," "One Day At A Time."
I don't worry about what I did yesterday, for I can't change the past, unless it means I have to make amends. I don't worry about tomorrow because I really don't know what tomorrow will bring. And, if I spend all my time today worrying about tomorrow, next week, next month or next year and die before then, I've spent a lot of time worrying about something I don't have control over. I keep it in today and do what I have to do for today.
I am an alcoholic and addict, and I will be, till the day I die, hopefully in recovery. I have recovered from a hopeless mind and body. The insanity. And the insanity of my disease is the obsession to drink or use.
When I read or listen to another alcoholics story, I don't compare, "I haven't done that and that hasn't happened to me." I identify and relate, "I remember feeling that way and drinking just like that. And felt the remorse and the guilt."
Hopefully this will help you in someway.
Recovery is not about reaching a destination, it is about a journey. Today I live a better life as a better person. Today I make good decisions. Today I am a person that people can rely on and I just try to make the world around me a better place for myself and the people who I have in my life today and may come in contact with.
God bless, my friend. There is hope.
Harry
"One thing I'd like to include in my plan is reading testimonials of people that have overcame alcohol abuse/alcoholism. I'd like to understand more about the big picture stuff down to smaller details about how people progress from daily drinking to embracing and really enjoying a sober lifestyle. What makes these people tick, what did they change, how do they stay consistent? I'm hoping to complement my own efforts with inspirational stories of success. Perhaps there are also interesting biographies/autobiographies that people can recommend...thanks for reading... "
And as a few have already mentioned, there is a section "Recovery Stories."
First, let me identify and relate to yours. These are those parts, in quotations.
"I can't remember the last time I was sober for more then two days."
"drinking in moderation. In reality it is still problematic. Despite many attempts to reduce drinking - ie. no hard liquor or weekend only drinking rules "
"Several times I have realised that I need to abstain completely, only to find different excuses to revert back to 'drinking in moderation'."
I guess you could say my level of drinking has trended upwards since I was a teenager."
"drinking has certainly impacted my life in many negative ways."
"I am not reaching my potential "
"I have seen this situation slowly but surely revealing itself for some time."
"It's like standing out on 'self destruction' freeway and watching a Mack truck bearing down upon me."
"Alcohol is also affecting my ability to form meaningful relationships and grow as a person."
"drinking in the first place - to lower anxiety in situations that require me to engage in conversation - particularly those with the ladies. My drinking includes at home in front of the TV as well."
"saying stupid things and likely waking up with only vague memories of what happened."
"Much of my depression comes from not achieving the things I want to"
And, I blamed a lot of other people for my problems, "drinking" and other, no one held a gun to my head to make me drink and there were things I could have done different.
Now, if you want to, you can read my story in the section "Stories of Recovery." If you do, let me just say this, nobody has to reach the bottom that I did, they only have to reach their own bottom.
My success of 9 1/2 years of sobriety comes but "ONE DAY AT A TIME." It's sort of like putting money into a savings account, the more you add, the more you save. If I am succesful at staying sober today, it is another day in succession I can add to my sobriety account.
How did it happen? I went to one A.A. meeting and picked up a white chip, at that time they were giving out white chips to newcomers, (called "ONE DAY AT A TIME"), and then I started going to meetings on a daily basis. Sometimes 2 or 3 meetings a day. I truthfully admitted that I am an alcoholic and that my life was unmanageable. I listened to what worked for other people. And they mentioned, asking a Higher Power (who I chose to call God) for help every morning. Asking to help keep me sober, just for today. And if I was successful, thanked Him every night for a day of sobriety. They went to meetings everyday, (they said meeting makers make it). So I did the same. They said they got a sponsor and called their sponsor everyday. And that their sponsor suggested things to stay sober, that worked for them, and I got a sponsor and called him everyday and he would share with me what was working for him and suggested that if I wanted to, I should do the same. And I took the suggestions, hoping it would work for me. I reached out my hand to other people and introduced myself and let them know I needed help. I got a Home Group and helped that group set the chairs up for the meeting, made coffee, in time became the secretary of the group, in short, I started to get involved in my own recovery. I started to make changes with me. My thinking, my attitude and my actions. I started going to a Big Book Step Meeting, listened to some people share and picked out someone and asked him to be my sponsor to help me through the process of the 12 Steps to Recovery.
Did what was suggested throughout the Steps, working on one step at a time, starting from the first. When I was done, I started to live the Steps in my life. I've been asked a couple of times by people who wanted help going through the process of the 12 Steps and I did it. When I went to meetings and noticed a newcomer or someone just coming back, or someone struggling, I reached out my hand and introduced myself, and would pass on to them my name and phone number, and let them know. If you need help, anytime day or night, no matter what time, call me. We will do what we need to do to help you stay sober. If you drink, when you sober up, call me and we'll talk over what happened and how it might have been prevented.
And this is what I do to stay sober, "Just for Today," "One Day At A Time."
I don't worry about what I did yesterday, for I can't change the past, unless it means I have to make amends. I don't worry about tomorrow because I really don't know what tomorrow will bring. And, if I spend all my time today worrying about tomorrow, next week, next month or next year and die before then, I've spent a lot of time worrying about something I don't have control over. I keep it in today and do what I have to do for today.
I am an alcoholic and addict, and I will be, till the day I die, hopefully in recovery. I have recovered from a hopeless mind and body. The insanity. And the insanity of my disease is the obsession to drink or use.
When I read or listen to another alcoholics story, I don't compare, "I haven't done that and that hasn't happened to me." I identify and relate, "I remember feeling that way and drinking just like that. And felt the remorse and the guilt."
Hopefully this will help you in someway.
Recovery is not about reaching a destination, it is about a journey. Today I live a better life as a better person. Today I make good decisions. Today I am a person that people can rely on and I just try to make the world around me a better place for myself and the people who I have in my life today and may come in contact with.
God bless, my friend. There is hope.
Harry
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 1,130
Day 1
Luke
Thank you so much for posting. A lot of the things contained in your post reminded me of things I wrote down and showed my sponsor in my Step One of the AA programme. I admitted that I was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable.
I think you will find step one easier now that you have taken the time to consider your position.
One thought to consider. You mentioned your Christian background and a feeling of frustration that the drink is separating you from God. I can very much relate to that. I now go to church most Sundays and I find that is a safe and sober environment in which to contemplate spiritual matters. I don't talk to anyone there about my drinking - I save that for AA.
But you might find it interesting or useful to go to church soon, perhaps one that you haven't been to before. I expect people will be pleased to see you and you might get a different perspective about the tricky question of a person's relationship with God. Certainly for me, a weekend which includes a few AA meetings, something social, a bit of exercise, healthy food, a decent amount of sleep and an hour or two in church is usually a weekend that prepares me to have a sober week.
You are most welcome to the forum and I shall say a prayer for you tonight.
Thank you so much for posting. A lot of the things contained in your post reminded me of things I wrote down and showed my sponsor in my Step One of the AA programme. I admitted that I was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable.
I think you will find step one easier now that you have taken the time to consider your position.
One thought to consider. You mentioned your Christian background and a feeling of frustration that the drink is separating you from God. I can very much relate to that. I now go to church most Sundays and I find that is a safe and sober environment in which to contemplate spiritual matters. I don't talk to anyone there about my drinking - I save that for AA.
But you might find it interesting or useful to go to church soon, perhaps one that you haven't been to before. I expect people will be pleased to see you and you might get a different perspective about the tricky question of a person's relationship with God. Certainly for me, a weekend which includes a few AA meetings, something social, a bit of exercise, healthy food, a decent amount of sleep and an hour or two in church is usually a weekend that prepares me to have a sober week.
You are most welcome to the forum and I shall say a prayer for you tonight.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
My advice would be to keep it simple....
Do you want to quit drinking for good and all? Can you quit drinking on your own willpower?
I recommend with all the earnestness I can that you read the book "Alcoholics Anonymous". You may decide that you are not interested or ready in AA, and that's OK, plenty of other options are available. If you are interested, perhaps attend an AA meeting, post in our 12 step section, etc...
That's the advice I can offer you.
Do you want to quit drinking for good and all? Can you quit drinking on your own willpower?
I recommend with all the earnestness I can that you read the book "Alcoholics Anonymous". You may decide that you are not interested or ready in AA, and that's OK, plenty of other options are available. If you are interested, perhaps attend an AA meeting, post in our 12 step section, etc...
That's the advice I can offer you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Hi Luke,
You've received so much great advice already. I just want to toss in one thought that came to me and helped to me to stop drinking. I am preparing for my own 12 week internship that starts in a few weeks. I knew in my heart that I would not complete it successfully if I was drunk every night.
I knew I had two options:
Work like hell on my sobriety now and move forward with a successful career
Ruin my internship and regret it and then work like hell on my sobriety
I can relate to that sense of impending doom related to our careers and it's very real. I know for myself that my sobriety would be much easier for me if it's for positivity, for the future, with all my ducks still in some sort of a line.
You've received so much great advice already. I just want to toss in one thought that came to me and helped to me to stop drinking. I am preparing for my own 12 week internship that starts in a few weeks. I knew in my heart that I would not complete it successfully if I was drunk every night.
I knew I had two options:
Work like hell on my sobriety now and move forward with a successful career
Ruin my internship and regret it and then work like hell on my sobriety
I can relate to that sense of impending doom related to our careers and it's very real. I know for myself that my sobriety would be much easier for me if it's for positivity, for the future, with all my ducks still in some sort of a line.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Welcome Luke and there are tons of recovery stories and great info and experience here at SR. You have all our support.
Sounds like you have a good plan in place and learning as much as you can about alcoholism and recovery is very important.
I also agree that it is wise to avoid settings or places that maybe triggers. If you associate alcohol with it then it is best to steer clear for now so you can focus on you and recovery.
Take a look around and know that there are many different options for recovery. It is all about what works for you.
I still come to SR quite frequently because it helps me and I know what didn't work the countless times before. Thinking the toss of the bottle was it....and I could moderate again.
I shared so much of what you are experiencing. Stay strong and keep it going one day at a time.
Keep sharing....All the best!
Sounds like you have a good plan in place and learning as much as you can about alcoholism and recovery is very important.
I also agree that it is wise to avoid settings or places that maybe triggers. If you associate alcohol with it then it is best to steer clear for now so you can focus on you and recovery.
Take a look around and know that there are many different options for recovery. It is all about what works for you.
I still come to SR quite frequently because it helps me and I know what didn't work the countless times before. Thinking the toss of the bottle was it....and I could moderate again.
I shared so much of what you are experiencing. Stay strong and keep it going one day at a time.
Keep sharing....All the best!
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