Young drinkers/addicts

Old 08-02-2010, 06:12 AM
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Young drinkers/addicts

So, I went to check my facebook page yesterday, and one of my cheerleaders had posted to her status several messages within a few hours that said she was drinking. It was stuff like, "tequila. daiquiris." and "mamma clubbin' tonight. Babysittin. Imma get w***ed on tha job."

I immediately called her mother to tell her about this.

*Before I start getting lectures about getting involved, please remember that, as a teacher, I can lose my job and get sued for everything I have if I hear something like this and don't report it to the parent or to someone higher than me in the school.*

Anyways, momma said that she had been out that night, but that her mother (girl's grandma) had been home with the kids all night, and that the girl could not possibly have drank. Even though I know that the mom is probably in denial, my only response was to remind her that, even if the girl was just talking big, she can't be saying stuff like that on a public forum and not expect a consequence. Mom agreed and assured me that she would deal with her end of it this afternoon when she gets home from work.

This is a little different from having someone who engages in this behavior in my classroom. When they are in my class, as long as I have reported it, I can go back to minding my own business, as long as they are not showing signs that they need immediate medical attention while in my room. But, as their coach, part of me feels like I need to at least make her run laps after practice tomorrow for this blatant lack of regard for how this makes the team look. Not to mention the blatant disregard for any and all common sense.

I know that I can't save her if she's an alcoholic any more than I can save my sister from addiction. But where is the line between doing my job and going too far?

And I realize that drinking one night does not make someone alcoholic. I'm not labeling her as one, because I don't know. Either way, her behavior isn't exactly comforting.
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Old 08-02-2010, 06:27 AM
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"But where is the line between doing my job and going too far?"

Depends on where your expectations lie.

Are you trying to "save" this girl or your job?
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Old 08-02-2010, 06:32 AM
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Whats your schools policy regarding behavior off campus?

Some schools here in Florida have rules for off campus / after school conduct and kids have been removed from activities for thisng like posting messages on facebook

One thing I was thinking is that due to your obligation to report maybe its a good idea for you Not to have facebook connections with the girls on your team~~~monitoring facebook status updates could be a never ending job, and what if you dont see a comment by one of your cheerleaders.

How will you prove "didnt see it" verses "didnt report it" If one of these girls post something even worse and your their facebook friend?
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Old 08-02-2010, 06:33 AM
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oh, i don't really know what to say!!

when i read the part about making her run laps, i had a reaction. not exactly sure why, but i think it's because it seems over the top to me. #1: would this be humiliating? it would be for me, and that is shaming someone. not good in my book. #2: would it be effective? i think you need to examine your motivation a little more, and just sit with this for a day or so.
#3: could you and girl have a private talk after practice tomorrow? as you have said, there is nothing you can really do about it if she does indeed have a problem. but if you want to send her the message that you care, you can do so in this way. if you want to let her know that making inappropriate comments on fb is unacceptable, then let her know what the consequences of continuing it could be (expulsion from the team?)
if you want to let her know that she, as an older teen, is a role model for the young upcoming ones, i think that's valid.

good luck with your decisions.
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Old 08-02-2010, 06:42 AM
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Thanks for the replies!

Sofa- valid question. I guess that's what I need to decide before I go in tomorrow.

Lies- I see your point. The only reason I have added some of them on my account is so I can get in touch with them between practices, since some of them don't like the idea of me having their cell number for texting. If I was to call them every time I needed to communicate between practices, I would have my phone glued to my ear 24/7. But you do have a good point... something I need to think on.

Coffee- actually, most coaches at my school have the kids run as a consequence for bad behavior, missing practice, etc. This is a very standard way of doing things. And the reason she would be running after practice instead of during would be to minimize that embarrassment. And I have already had numerous talks with the entire squad about inappropriate comments on facebook; plus, the last time I talked to her one on one about something like this, she copped a huge attitude and clearly did not take what she needed to from the discussion.
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Old 08-02-2010, 06:50 AM
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lady

Yeah I was team mom for my sons football team for a few seasons way to many phone calls.

One thing you could try is ---collect all of their emails and put them in a "group" in your email address book and mass email updates
(with the smart phones most people have emails going to their phones)

I have two children over 18- and I have been telling them watch what you post on facebook including pictures Because Today employers look at it for background checks........so what seemed like "fun" in college could cost you later in life but they just dont get it , seem to believe those things never happen to them. Sometimes all you can do is inform and pray for the best (((((Hugs))))
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Old 08-02-2010, 08:49 AM
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In terms of facebook, IMHO you should never be "friends" in facebook with your students, players or cheerleaders. Yours is a professional relationship and shouls be kept that way. After they graduate and if you want to do this that is different.
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Old 08-02-2010, 10:15 AM
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I'm all for running laps. I played team sports for years and we all knew we'd get kicked off if we got busted for any illegal activities. Maybe she was lying, acting out for attention, or maybe she was telling the truth. Regardless, it's a reflection on her squad and she is accountable to every member of it.
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Old 08-02-2010, 10:43 AM
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Hello Lady, I think that you did the right thing. Because if that girl was drinking while babysitting. And something horrible happened due to the use of drugs/alcohol, you would be so upset that you didn't do something. There's nothing wrong with looking out for the kids you coach and teach. Especially that she is only 14 years of age.

She might not like you right now, for calling her mom. But later on when she grows up, she will realize what a caring, responsible human being you are.
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Old 08-02-2010, 12:15 PM
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Originally Posted by ladyamalthea View Post
Coffee- actually, most coaches at my school have the kids run as a consequence for bad behavior, missing practice, etc. This is a very standard way of doing things.
I remember getting caught smoking a cigarette behind the school one day and I was caught by my track coach of all people. He had me running for hours and hours and I had to stay late in order to stay on the team. I didn't smoke anymore cigs the rest of the season but it surely didn't prevent me from smoking them later in life. Quit now for 10 years but still!

The only other suggestion I would say is to speak with the guidance counselor in the school and/or SAC (Substance Abuse Counselor) to notify them of your concern. That way you have reported it to a responsible adult within the school system and they can contact the parents and follow up if they need to send her to a program to be evaluated. Calling the parents was a good move but as I see in my profession from day to day, the parents are sometimes engaging in stuff they shouldn't and will not follow up to not call attention on what's really going on in their household. By reporting it to the counselor, you take the responsibility off of you in the event this child gets high on campus, brings drugs on campus, etc.
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Old 08-02-2010, 02:48 PM
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Originally Posted by dgillz View Post
In terms of facebook, IMHO you should never be "friends" in facebook with your students, players or cheerleaders. Yours is a professional relationship and shouls be kept that way. After they graduate and if you want to do this that is different.
With all due respect, I don't remember asking anyone's opinion on this. I have privacy settings in place to protect myself from them finding me in any kind of picture tagging situation that I may not be aware of. In fact, all they can see of me is pictures that I allow them to see, my basic information, and messages that I send them. Basically I use it as a way to message them and that's all. Emailing them doesn't work because they don't check their emails, and texting on cell phones doesn't always work because they claim their phone was dead, etc. I appreciate your concern, but I am doing no wrong here.

Anyways, the point of this thread was that I was trying to decide how to proceed in this situation, NOT to get advice about who to add on my facebook page.

Thanks for all the great advice guys!
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Old 08-02-2010, 02:53 PM
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Originally Posted by URMYEVERYTHING View Post

The only other suggestion I would say is to speak with the guidance counselor in the school and/or SAC (Substance Abuse Counselor) to notify them of your concern. That way you have reported it to a responsible adult within the school system and they can contact the parents and follow up if they need to send her to a program to be evaluated. Calling the parents was a good move but as I see in my profession from day to day, the parents are sometimes engaging in stuff they shouldn't and will not follow up to not call attention on what's really going on in their household. By reporting it to the counselor, you take the responsibility off of you in the event this child gets high on campus, brings drugs on campus, etc.
I agree completely. The only problem is that school doesn't start back for us for another month, and I have no clue when the guidance counselors are going back. I will be telling my principal about it tomorrow, though, for the same reasons outlined above, not to mention the fact that there probably are rules in place that I need to find out about as to whether or not she can even stay on the squad.
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Old 08-02-2010, 03:15 PM
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I don't know the rules at your school in regards to FB and posting (FB wasn't a big deal when my kids were still in school) but if you do decide to take action against her I would buckle up for a bumpy ride.

There's really no proof that she "broke" any rules (other than her inappropriate posts), so I would check with the principle about rules regarding social sites and shared info.

I imagine the Mom may come at you full guns drawn, if in fact she is called on her behavior.

I would want to be prepared with policy.

JMO
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Old 08-02-2010, 03:42 PM
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You're right, Cece... this could get sticky. My instinct says to do the following:

-Call mom (done)
-Notify administrator (first thing tomorrow)

If the administrator says she can stay on the squad:
-Have girl run after practice
-Put her on notice (perhaps even in writing) that the next time she posts anything of that calliber on a public forum, the consequences will be much worse, perhaps even dismissal (still thinking on that one, and will seek administrator advice)

I don't want to dismiss her just yet, because being on the squad has the potential to be a positive influence for her. But, I don't want to get to a point where she can do whatever she wants, make the squad look bad, and think it's okay.
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Old 08-02-2010, 04:39 PM
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Your school doesn't have a policy on FB friending? My place of work has a policy regarding us "friending" patients/former patients.

I think it is a good idea to notify the administrator. You might need some direction on how to proceed with something that happens outside of school hours. Maybe there is some precedent in your district?

You talked to the student's mother, which is a good thing to do. You could address this issue with all of your cheerleaders. Drinking is a common problem, and some parents think it is o.k. and normal for teenagers to drink.

I agree that the squad could be a positive influence for her. You coudl talk to her, but you can't save her. She may choose to go down this path whether or not you try to help her.
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Old 08-02-2010, 04:44 PM
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Originally Posted by bluebelle View Post
Your school doesn't have a policy on FB friending? My place of work has a policy regarding us "friending" patients/former patients.

Actually, no, lol. In fact, I'm not the only teacher at my school who has befriended students, and I am pretty sure my privacy settings are much more restrictive than most of theirs.

I think it is a good idea to notify the administrator. You might need some direction on how to proceed with something that happens outside of school hours. Maybe there is some precedent in your district?
I do know that a girl was dismissed from basketball last winter for smoking at school, but that was at school. I have a hunch that, since I can't prove she actually drank, very little will happen on that front, but I definitely still plan to report this just in case.

You talked to the student's mother, which is a good thing to do. You could address this issue with all of your cheerleaders. Drinking is a common problem, and some parents think it is o.k. and normal for teenagers to drink.

I agree that the squad could be a positive influence for her. You coudl talk to her, but you can't save her. She may choose to go down this path whether or not you try to help her.

Thanks for the encouragement. I know I can't save her, or any of my other students who choose this behavior. All I can do is be a positive influence and pray for the best.
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