hallelujah - a crisis ...
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hallelujah - a crisis ...
"Hallelujah - a crisis! Crisis is many times what influences our addicted loved ones into recovery."
That is my response to some of the events that others relate here on these boards. However, now it is my turn to relate. 24 YO AS was pitching in a men's softball rec league game and got hit in the eye by a line drive. It knocked him right out for a few minutes. He refused to get treatment at the time but woke up in the middle of the night throwing up blood so he got scared and went to the ER.
To make the story short, he was in the hospital for 1 full day because they thought he might need surgery to save the eye. They found a hairline fracture of the bone above the eye. But surgery was not needed.
He called me the day after he got out and told me this story because he was so scared because he had no money for the prescriptions, and the hospital had told him if he did not get the antibiotic and take it he could still lose that eye. He does have some kind of scratch of the eyeball. And one of the prescriptions was for a pain pill, and his head was killing him (probably because of that hairline fracture). He asked me to buy the prescriptions. I said yes. He has no medical insurance of any type whatsoever.
I did fine yesterday getting the prescriptions and calming him down and making sure he had enough to eat, drink, etc at his place.
But this morning i'm getting tearful and fearful. I sure could use some encouragement here that God is at work in his life, my life, and everybody's life.
Sojourner
That is my response to some of the events that others relate here on these boards. However, now it is my turn to relate. 24 YO AS was pitching in a men's softball rec league game and got hit in the eye by a line drive. It knocked him right out for a few minutes. He refused to get treatment at the time but woke up in the middle of the night throwing up blood so he got scared and went to the ER.
To make the story short, he was in the hospital for 1 full day because they thought he might need surgery to save the eye. They found a hairline fracture of the bone above the eye. But surgery was not needed.
He called me the day after he got out and told me this story because he was so scared because he had no money for the prescriptions, and the hospital had told him if he did not get the antibiotic and take it he could still lose that eye. He does have some kind of scratch of the eyeball. And one of the prescriptions was for a pain pill, and his head was killing him (probably because of that hairline fracture). He asked me to buy the prescriptions. I said yes. He has no medical insurance of any type whatsoever.
I did fine yesterday getting the prescriptions and calming him down and making sure he had enough to eat, drink, etc at his place.
But this morning i'm getting tearful and fearful. I sure could use some encouragement here that God is at work in his life, my life, and everybody's life.
Sojourner
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 545
Originally Posted by sojourner 
"Hallelujah - a crisis! Crisis is many times what influences our addicted loved ones into recovery."
That is my response to some of the events that others relate here on these boards. However, now it is my turn to relate. 24 YO AS was pitching in a men's softball rec league game and got hit in the eye by a line drive. It knocked him right out for a few minutes. He refused to get treatment at the time but woke up in the middle of the night throwing up blood so he got scared and went to the ER.
To make the story short, he was in the hospital for 1 full day because they thought he might need surgery to save the eye. They found a hairline fracture of the bone above the eye. But surgery was not needed.
He called me the day after he got out and told me this story because he was so scared because he had no money for the prescriptions, and the hospital had told him if he did not get the antibiotic and take it he could still lose that eye. He does have some kind of scratch of the eyeball. And one of the prescriptions was for a pain pill, and his head was killing him (probably because of that hairline fracture). He asked me to buy the prescriptions. I said yes. He has no medical insurance of any type whatsoever.
I did fine yesterday getting the prescriptions and calming him down and making sure he had enough to eat, drink, etc at his place.
But this morning i'm getting tearful and fearful. I sure could use some encouragement here that God is at work in his life, my life, and everybody's life.
Sojourner
That is my response to some of the events that others relate here on these boards. However, now it is my turn to relate. 24 YO AS was pitching in a men's softball rec league game and got hit in the eye by a line drive. It knocked him right out for a few minutes. He refused to get treatment at the time but woke up in the middle of the night throwing up blood so he got scared and went to the ER.
To make the story short, he was in the hospital for 1 full day because they thought he might need surgery to save the eye. They found a hairline fracture of the bone above the eye. But surgery was not needed.
He called me the day after he got out and told me this story because he was so scared because he had no money for the prescriptions, and the hospital had told him if he did not get the antibiotic and take it he could still lose that eye. He does have some kind of scratch of the eyeball. And one of the prescriptions was for a pain pill, and his head was killing him (probably because of that hairline fracture). He asked me to buy the prescriptions. I said yes. He has no medical insurance of any type whatsoever.
I did fine yesterday getting the prescriptions and calming him down and making sure he had enough to eat, drink, etc at his place.
But this morning i'm getting tearful and fearful. I sure could use some encouragement here that God is at work in his life, my life, and everybody's life.
Sojourner
Your AS is 24... pitching in a men's softball rec league game...in my book this age and activities constitutes that he is an adult. He refused treatment at the time. His choice. I'm certain you love him and want no harm to come to him... but that was HIS choice.
Is it possible that he doesn't have insurance as a result of his own actions?
Is it possible that YOU "calming him down and making sure he had enough to eat, drink, etc at his place" could be a little over doing it? He's 24!
Is it possible that the reason you're getting tearful and fearful is because you haven't turned your AS over to God?
"Hallelujah... crisis"... only works if you let them handle the crisis.
((hugs))
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no slams please.
i've posted too many times in a positive manner to others in distress. so don't kick me when i'm down here. even if you think i deserve it for having the audacity to be upset that my son (any age) might lose an eye, don't do it now...
and after that scathing post, no, i do not receive the hugs.
i've posted too many times in a positive manner to others in distress. so don't kick me when i'm down here. even if you think i deserve it for having the audacity to be upset that my son (any age) might lose an eye, don't do it now...
and after that scathing post, no, i do not receive the hugs.
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I may not be the best let go and let God person, but I try and I feel I am getting better at it 
God was certainly at work here:
He made your son ill enough to know that he needed medical attention
He scared your son enough with the thought of losiing his eye, to take the doctor seriously regarding the antibiotics.
And he gave you the means to be able to afford to pay for them.
I would have done the same as you did. Regardless of how he got himself in the situation of no insurance, I would have filled the scripts, and made sure he was comfortable. And I would have done the same for anyone I remotely cared about under the circumstances.
Now the tricky part is leaving it be. You did the humankind thing, now its between he and his HP to figure out where he goes from here.
Hang in there...he'll be OK
(((Hugs)))
God was certainly at work here:
He made your son ill enough to know that he needed medical attention
He scared your son enough with the thought of losiing his eye, to take the doctor seriously regarding the antibiotics.
And he gave you the means to be able to afford to pay for them.
I would have done the same as you did. Regardless of how he got himself in the situation of no insurance, I would have filled the scripts, and made sure he was comfortable. And I would have done the same for anyone I remotely cared about under the circumstances.
Now the tricky part is leaving it be. You did the humankind thing, now its between he and his HP to figure out where he goes from here.
Hang in there...he'll be OK
(((Hugs)))
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
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Originally Posted by sojourner
no slams please.
i've posted too many times in a positive manner to others in distress. so don't kick me when i'm down here. even if you think i deserve it for having the audacity to be upset that my son (any age) might lose an eye, don't do it now...
and after that scathing post, no, i do not receive the hugs.
i've posted too many times in a positive manner to others in distress. so don't kick me when i'm down here. even if you think i deserve it for having the audacity to be upset that my son (any age) might lose an eye, don't do it now...
and after that scathing post, no, i do not receive the hugs.
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I had to think about this a bit before I responded. My sons are both young adults in their mid 20's. On one hand, they will always be my sons and I will always be concerned for their welfare. On the other hand, they are independent young adults and as such as are in charge of their own health and well being. What's been interesting for all of us has been the transition from parent/child to parent/adult child to adult/adult family members.
I'd have been very concerned - probably moreso because it was my son, but also because someone I cared about got injured. I'd have helped my son out in a compassionate manner , just as I would someone else I cared about . After years of recovery, if I question my actions (or more importantly,my motives) I run it past some of my healthy recovery friends first. I'd figure out my motives, expectations, etc... look at choices-actions-decisions-consequences etc. And, most likely, I'd have helped with dr bills and prescriptions etc... and perhaps set a time for us to talk about the pros and cons of health insurance if a guy is going to play contact sports. My younger son who's an independent student figured out he could get insurance thru the restaurant he worked at and still make some $, but it took an experience similar to your son's in order for him to make that decision for himself.
It's interesting how things work out sometimes. I'd bet your son learned a life lesson or two, and you both learned a bit more about your boundaries etc.
Hope his head feels better soon and there's no permanent damage to his eye.
Mom hugs,
Cats
I'd have been very concerned - probably moreso because it was my son, but also because someone I cared about got injured. I'd have helped my son out in a compassionate manner , just as I would someone else I cared about . After years of recovery, if I question my actions (or more importantly,my motives) I run it past some of my healthy recovery friends first. I'd figure out my motives, expectations, etc... look at choices-actions-decisions-consequences etc. And, most likely, I'd have helped with dr bills and prescriptions etc... and perhaps set a time for us to talk about the pros and cons of health insurance if a guy is going to play contact sports. My younger son who's an independent student figured out he could get insurance thru the restaurant he worked at and still make some $, but it took an experience similar to your son's in order for him to make that decision for himself.
It's interesting how things work out sometimes. I'd bet your son learned a life lesson or two, and you both learned a bit more about your boundaries etc.
Hope his head feels better soon and there's no permanent damage to his eye.
Mom hugs,
Cats
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We never know when, where or what will be the catalyst for recovery. Losing an eye is a very scary prospect......blind......certainly life altering.
As mothers, we will always love our children....unconditionally....no matter what they do. A mother's love cannot be judged or mocked. It is just there. EVEN IF anyone here feels you made a mistake in assisting your son.....it was yours to make.....not theirs. We walk a fine line between loving and enabling and no one can do it perfectly.
I, too, probably would have provided assistance to someone I love who had a physical injury that could result in the loss of an eye.
Gentle hugs to you and hope that your son's eye recovers fully
As mothers, we will always love our children....unconditionally....no matter what they do. A mother's love cannot be judged or mocked. It is just there. EVEN IF anyone here feels you made a mistake in assisting your son.....it was yours to make.....not theirs. We walk a fine line between loving and enabling and no one can do it perfectly.
I, too, probably would have provided assistance to someone I love who had a physical injury that could result in the loss of an eye.
Gentle hugs to you and hope that your son's eye recovers fully
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Join Date: Jul 2008
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Hi Sojourner...
I just wanted to send you hugs today. Sometimes we just need a little compassion whether what we are doing is the right or wrong thing, for us or for our children.
Hope you and he both feel better.
Gotahavfaith
I just wanted to send you hugs today. Sometimes we just need a little compassion whether what we are doing is the right or wrong thing, for us or for our children.
Hope you and he both feel better.
Gotahavfaith
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
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I'm amazed that stating a fact... then asking 3 questions would be considered "judging"... "scathing"... "slamming" or... "mocking".
I never called into question Sojourner's ability to handle a crisis....or her love for her son. Sojourner's ability to handle a crisis is 1st rate glowing.
I did question her AS's ability to handle a crisis. I do realize the very critical nature of a hairline fracture...and losing an eye... (that is a possibility with contact sports).... the problem is... did he know?
Question. How will he ever learn... if he doesn't do it on his own? If Sojourner is there to always do for him.... how will he learn?
Speedy recovery to your son.
I never called into question Sojourner's ability to handle a crisis....or her love for her son. Sojourner's ability to handle a crisis is 1st rate glowing.
I did question her AS's ability to handle a crisis. I do realize the very critical nature of a hairline fracture...and losing an eye... (that is a possibility with contact sports).... the problem is... did he know?
Question. How will he ever learn... if he doesn't do it on his own? If Sojourner is there to always do for him.... how will he learn?
Speedy recovery to your son.
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I would have done the same thing sojourner. If my son learned from life's lessons he would be the smartest person in the world. I have never seen anyone take such a beating. I stand back and watch him go through hell and have done it for over 20 years. When I was enabling it was the same. When I stopped enabling it was the same. I don't have the power over his alcoholism either way.
If I was a normal mother with a normal son I would help with a serious medical issue. I needed lots of help when I was in my 20's and I was clean and sober. I do what I can live with and I don't care what anyone thinks about that. We have to learn to live with a lot more on a daily basis than most people experience in a life time. Anyone can give helpful suggestions, but you have to live with the consequences of your actions or lack of action. We don't. Do what you can live with. Take the risks you can live with.
If I was a normal mother with a normal son I would help with a serious medical issue. I needed lots of help when I was in my 20's and I was clean and sober. I do what I can live with and I don't care what anyone thinks about that. We have to learn to live with a lot more on a daily basis than most people experience in a life time. Anyone can give helpful suggestions, but you have to live with the consequences of your actions or lack of action. We don't. Do what you can live with. Take the risks you can live with.
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Originally Posted by Hammerhead
I apologize that you took my post as "scathing"... I just thought a 24 year old was a man.
I'm also getting a little tired of seeing the firm tongue-wagging and "dressing down" that folks do here sometimes.
People come to deal with their own "Addictions" (to loved ones/codependency, etc) in their own way. I'd personally rather offer them support when they friggin' ask for it instead of chiding members for not acting the way I personally believe they should.
And that was kind of a BS apology, btw. "Sorry YOU feel that I was too harsh?"
Try again.
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Originally Posted by sojourner
I sure could use some encouragement here that God is at work in his life, my life, and everybody's life. Sojourner
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Originally Posted by suki44883
Come on folks. No need to argue. Let's remember what we're here for. It's easy enough to ignore a post if you disagree with it. We're all on the same side here, remember?
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Originally Posted by cynical one
What am I missing?
Not every post is an invitation to a debate, and not everyone wants or needs to hear another's personal opinions. If you can't share ESH, then don't bother sharing at all.
Sojournor, am sincerely sorry that your post was answered with replies that lacked the compassion that we pride ourselves in having here at SR.
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