Round234

How do I go about doing this?
I'm so shy, and I just don't know what to do.
Walk up to someone and just ask them "Hey will you be my sponsor"??
I am so out of it when it comes to talking to people, making/retaining friends. wow.
I need a sponsor.
I've thought of saying at a meeting that I'm looking for a sponsor but then the fact that I can't share comes up and that I'm nervous as hell and yeah.

LifeIs

Hey Round, Welcome and congratulations on your decision to quit!

My first AA meeting was a "newcomers meeting" which may have made it a little easier, cause like we were "expected" to say something. So, I just blurted it out, said I was looking for a sponsor. A whole bunch of nice ladies were willing and I just chose the one that was sitting closest too me...

Perhaps if you look for a newcomers meeting in your area? Hope this helps.

Round234

I have a almost a year clean, go to meetings pretty much 3 times a week(only starting the past 2 months), but yeah. I duno I can't ask.

solareclipse

I wasn't sure how to go about doing this either! I ended up having a conversation after the meeting with the woman sitting next to me and she kind of offered, which was lucky. I would go up to the person chairing the meeting and let them know or, if you have heard someone in particular whose story you relate to, you are encouraged to just go up and ask–assuming they are available for sponsorship. As alcoholics, I think we're terrified of asking for help, preferring to do stuff on our own and not bother other people. I have to remind myself all the time that calling people in AA, sharing and having a sponsor is helping us both.

zbear23

A couple of things occur to me here. First, you are depriving someone of the opportunity to be of service...to carry the message....which is a critical part of the 12 step recovery program. Those I've sponsored are blessings, not burdens.

It's not surprising that many of us have difficulty imagining that anyone would want to help us. Our self loathing causes us to fear the rejection that we assume will occur. Rather than asking someone to sponsor you, why not take a less threatening step and simply ask for a phone number. Exchanging phone numbers is pretty routine, and requires no personal commitment. If you make a commitment to yourself to get a new phone number at every meeting you attend, I'll betcha you'll have a sponsor in no time.

blessings
zenbear

justanothrdrunk

Yes. It's that simple.

Aysha

I am going through the same thing.

I just relapsed after 7 mos clean. I went to meetings every night for most of those 7 mos. Neer once shared or really talked to anyone.
And that is why I am back at square one.

tonight I will be going to a meeting for the first time in like 2 mos. I know most of the people already. And they know me by seeing me there.

I have to raise my hand this time and share what happened and that I need a sponsor. I already have one lady in mind. She was also highly referred to me before. I just was so scared to ask.
But I need to remember I am far from scared to ask anyone I see in the street that looks like they might know where the drugs are. So what is the issue with asking someone to be a sponsor to help save my life?

Its almost feels like asking someone out..LOL

But I cant let shyness kill me. Not over this.

This is what I am goin gto do. I am going to raise my hand and share briefly what happened..relapse...and that I didnt have a sponsor before and that I need one now. If anyone knows of anyone or anyone wants to be my sponsor. Usually after the meeting someone will come to me and point me in the right direction.
I am hoping anyway.

Good luck and dont be shy. Think about that...How shy would you be asking for your DOC?

Snarf

I've been told to look for the person who has what you want, and to ask if they will be your sponsor. People work their recovery in different ways. There are some gentlemen who attend my club who I would not be comfortable having as my sponsor, because of the way they approach AA, the Steps, and life in general. Sure, they may have good stretches of sobriety, but their recovery is not the recovery I am seeking.

I think it's best to just talk to people. Those with whom you have a connection may just ask you if you have a sponsor, and let the conversation go from there. You can say that you're looking for one but you want to make sure you're comfortable first. I talked to several men who asked it I had a sponsor, and I said I wanted to first settle on a home group and then get a sponsor. I got numbers, called and talked to people, and the "sponsorship" thing just kinda happened organically. Began talking to 1 guy a lot and really liked his approach to AA, the Steps, and life in general. Next thing you know, even though I don't really refer to him as my "sponsor," we were working together and he was helping me in my recovery.

I felt like there was pressure on me to find a sponsor, even from potential sponsors. But when I just talked to folks, I found the guy with whom I was very comfortable, and that's how it happened. Just start sharing and talking to ladies before and after meetings, and I have a feeling the sponsor will find you.

Round234

Thanks everyone for your responses!!

SOLAR - I think I will talk to the chair when I go to my next meeting, see what happens. Thanks. You hit the nail on the head when you said "as alcoholics we're terrified of asking for help" Thats me!! haha

ZBEAR - "have difficulty imagining that anyone would want to help us. Our self loathing causes us to fear the rejection that we assume will occur" .... also very accurate. Helps to know I'm not alone!!

AYSHA - Thanks so much for your post! When you said "How shy would you be asking for your DOC" wow! Yeah, ok, time to bite the bullet haha I think I will also share, at the next meeting I go to, about whats been going on. There is a lady at the one meeting I go to that I think is alright but damn, I'm soooo shy haha I am giong to keep repeating to myself that I wouldn't have a problem finding drugs, hopefully that helps a bit!

SNARF - Thanks for the input! I am going to try and open up a bit more, hopefully that will help and hopefully you're right that a sponsor will find me :P