Claw

Hello all,

Been lurking here at SR, and it's time for me to make a change.

I'm 48 YO and I've been an alcoholic since my 1st drink at 16. Spent 28 years in the military, so I was able to at least keep my alcoholism somewhat under control. I left the military 2 1/2 years ago and I've been drunk ever since.

I've made a few weak attempts at AA but after a few days sober and a couple of meetings I always drank again.

I am ready to make a change and get sober. I have been sober for 24 hours and quite frankly I really want a drink, but I will not. Having attempted this before I know it will take me a few days before I can get a decent night's sleep.

Tomorrow I will start my meetings, and my intent is to do 90 in 90 days. I've always been too embarrassed to ask someone to be my sponsor, but I think this is a critical step for me.... someone to talk to and be accountable to.

Any advice greatly appreciated, thank you for this forum.



I will pray for courage and strength, and I will read my Big Book.

SlvrMag

Welcome to SR.

Glad you are finally seeking help =)

CarolD

Thank you for your long military service.

I'm glad you decided to join us on the posting side of SR
Welcome.....

I am committed to AA recovery....it's an awesome adventure
I finally quit drinking at 52.....It changed my life and me!

Looking forward to reading more from you....

LexieCat

Hey, Claw,

I know what you mean--I sorta controlled it for awhile, but it never really "stuck" and it kept getting worse. If I didn't have my job I probably would have gotten WAY worse, in a hurry!

Good for you for getting serious about it. I did 90 in 90, and it got me off to a very good start on my recovery, I think. I told myself that if the 90/90 didn't "work" then plan B was to go to rehab, followed by AA. I haven't had a drink since my first meeting almost 2 years ago.

The sponsor thing was a little intimidating for me, too, but most people consider it an honor to be asked, even if they aren't able to say yes. Some people already are sponsoring several people and might not be able to do more, some aren't in a place in life where they feel they can do a good job, etc. Then you just ask someone else. And it doesn't have to be forever--if it turns out not to be a great "fit" you are free to find someone else.

Glad you are reading your book and posting here. That's the sort of thing I did during my three-day at-home detox right before I went to my first meeting.

2GOLDBARS

Welcome to SR,

I am 47 and I too have been a functioning alcoholic since high school. If I had a dollar for every time I said I needed to stop drinking or attempted to stop, I would be driving a Porche.

I am 9 days without a drink. The first 2 nights were very restless but since then I have slept great. It is so nice to wake up in the morning with a clear head and without the nasty taste/smell of alcohol on your breath.

I have also made attempts at AA but never for me, it was always because someone else told me or forced me to go (a judge-DUI). Maybe this time I'll do it for me.

Good luck with your meetings and keep "lurking" this site, it helps.

artsoul

Hi Claw - glad you decided to stop lurking and join us! I remember hanging on for dear life those first couple of days, too. Reading and posting here is a great way to deal with the cravings. They won't last forever, so just keep your chin up.

Sounds like you're starting out on the right foot and have a great plan in place. So give yourself a pat on the back for that!!

TigerLili

I'm coming up to 2 years sober in AA. The first days and weeks were tough. I had several attempts to get my 90 days up. I'd get a week, then a month, then I'd pick up and be too proud to go back to a meeting. Eventually I would and I'd get 60 days and slip again. I kept going back and the kindness of strangers really helped me through. People were so welcoming and understanding and gradually I made friends and became much more comfortable. Just keep going back. Someone said to me that even if you're still drinking, keep coming to meetings.

Claw

Well, I'm on day 2 and I feel absolutely awful. About zero sleep, jittery, it's really crazy because I've gone through this before (quitting drinking after a bender), and I usually feel physically better after about 3 days. The insane part is as soon as I start to feel better I drink again. How crazy is that?

Going to an AA meeting tonight, hopefully I can find a sponsor.

Thanks for all the wonderful information, I really like this place.

Claw

Anna

Alcoholism is a progressive disease, and I felt worse and worse after a drinking bout, as I continued to drink.

And, yes, addiction makes us do crazy things.

You can get through this and you will feel better. But, you need to hang in there.

Let us know how your day goes.

Kitey

Good luck at the Meetings Claw! It can only get Better how you feel! You have to start some-where so good on you to take the Chance now!

Claw

Thank you all for the encouragement, I can't tell you how much it helps.

I've been to many AA meetings over the years but I never honestly worked the program. Obviously, that's why I have kept on drinking.

I have to stop, I can't take this lifestyle anymore.

Thanks again!

Claw

cat1961

I was just thinking moments ago with the ratio of people online (registered vs. visitors). The visitors totally outweigh the registered users and am confident that those who "lurk" (no pun intended) need to register and get personalized 'service' with their issues. When I found this site I immediately registered because I had to share my pain with others and get help IMMEDIATELY.

With that said, welcome Claw and I know the pain you're going through. I'm glad you'll make the AA meetings but that obviously does not help your restlessness the first couple of days.

What had worked for me is NOT being cooped up in the house helped me get over the anxiety; exercise (sweat out the demon); drink tons of water; eat fresh fruit; take B12; take Melatonin to help you rest; and finally come back here frequently to share your thoughts and feelings. The people here are remarkable and will lead you away from the temptation of drinking - just as it worked for me.

GettingStronger2

Welcome, Claw. I think we all can relate to drinking again after feeling better. . .it is the nature of the disease. And quitting is not easy or fun. But looking at what life will be like 2, 5, 10 years down the road if we don't can be terrifying.

I'm 41 and quit 8 weeks ago today. I have been drinking since high school, and now that I understand alcoholism better, I would have to say I was an alcoholic from the first time I drank. Over the years it ebbed and flowed, but it always got progressively worse. There were times I knew I should stop/slow down/take a break. . .and I did. But when I started up again, I was farther gone than before.

This time, I knew that when I stopped I had to be committing to stop forever. Not another drink. That was scary in itself. I had always thought AA was not for me. But I also knew I needed help to get through life without alcohol. I go to a meeting every day now, sometimes more. I love it. I have grown so much in the past 8 weeks and know that I have a long way to go, but am just enjoying each day.

My best advice about AA is that there are a lot of meetings out there. Sure, overall, they are similar. But each one is different. My home group is wonderful, and thankfully was the first meeting I attended. There are others I go to, and am fine with them and learn from them, but had they been my first meeting, I am not sure I would have or could have gone back. So, if you go to one and don't particularly care for it, try another. And remember, meetings, even in the same group, can change on a daily basis. Keep going back.

I also understand about not sleeping. The first few days I hardly slept. Not that the quality of my sleep while drinking was good. It wasn't. But I didn't lay awake. But now, I sleep all night through and wake up rested and without the alchoholic fog of the night before surrounding my every move and thought. It will get better.

jamdls

Hi Claw, welcome to SR it's a great place to get and give support. Keep coming back and keep posting.

Harry01854

Welcome to SoberRecovery Claw, good to see you posting. Sounds like me just 9 1/2 years ago. Although not the military time in, I only spent 8 years in the Army. But, started at an early age. I crossed the line though when I was in the Army, I was still young when I did, into being an alcoholic. After I got out of the Army I spent many years drinking alcoholically before I tried AA the first time. Took me three times. But the last time I got a Gift Of Desperation and just knew that this time I had to take suggestions and directions if I wanted to stop drinking, change my ways to became a better person and live a better life. This time it didn't take me long to get a sponsor and use my sponsor. Called him every morning because I knew I had to if I wanted to stay sober.

Sounds like your on the right track and hope and pray you follow through. Things got better for me, and the most important thing that got better was me. Life as life is didn't get better, but the way I lived my life got better.

My prayers are with you and God bless. Hope you post to let us all know how you are doing.

Harry

Snarf

I agree with what aehmnm said. All meetings are different. I went to 11 meetings my first 3 days without a drink, and saw the ones I thought I would be most comfortable at. With my current work schedule, I have to vary my meetings, so sometimes it's noon, sometimes 10pm. At the noon meeting, there are a lot of professional type folks who come on their lunch breaks. The 10pm meeting (11pm on weekends) has a lot of younger folks, people who would generally be out drinking and partying at that time of night. So you get different perspectives depending on what time of day you attend a meeting, even at the same clubhouse.

Put in the work and you'll see the results, Claw. Your life can be different and better, if you work to make it so.

DayTrader

All good plans of attack. It helped me to think of my alcoholism as "the enemy" and it didn't fight according to ANY rules. It would cheap, lie, anything to get me to drink. It was an enemy I was unfamiliar with.

It makes a LOT of sense to get some mercinaries on your side. Guys/gals who have some experience fighting and beating this enemy. It's also good to read the manual (the BB).

As for asking for a sponsor, nobody "likes" doing it. I personally think the best way to find a sponsor it to let them find you. This DOESN'T mean sitting back and waiting. Show some initiative. If you're serious about it, when the meetings are opening and they ask if anyone has announcements, raise you hand, introduce yourself as someone new to AA, and say you're looking for a sponsor. The only ppl who'll come up to you after the meeting are the folks who understand the importance of the sponsor/sponsee relationship and take it seriously.

Best of luck to you!!

Dee74

Welcome to SR Claw - look forward to hearing about your progress

D

Claw

Wow, this forum rocks! I sure appreciate the advice and the good wishes.

Off to my meeting in about 40 mins. REALLY hoping to meet up with a temp sponsor.

Thanks again all!

ElegantlyWasted

90 in 90 is a great idea. You sound focused and determined. Give it a try. Do not freak out about a sponsor; you can always swap em out. The sooner you developed some rapport with an individual who has some experience with the faster you will really understand AA. It might not be for you or it could be the best thing that ever happened. Know also there are many other effective avenues to pursue. The best general site i found was niaa. A great overview of all aspects of addiction psycho/social psyiological treatment methods etc. Nike's slogan comes to mind. I found the DIY cbt worksheets at smart very helpful early on as well. Knowledge is power my friend!