Where I'm at....I feel like it's ok....what do you think?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Maryland
Posts: 33
Where I'm at....I feel like it's ok....what do you think?
On the way home yesterday there was a detour-road was closed to get to where I live-bad wreck-so I had to drive 30 mins out of my way to get home. Of course traffic was bad and I was fuming as I was supposed to meet ExBF at my house and go with him to the hospital to see his new granddaughter (that never happened) As I'm fuming and fusing I realized, "all you have to do is take a detour, drive a little bit outta your way-the people in that wreck-are the ones that have a reason to be upset and anxious-not you". Then within minutes I had my jeep on it's nose because a baby fawn didn't know which way to go at the side of the road and one car locked up to keep from hitting it and we almost had a pile up. After I got done ranting, I saw the reason for it-the fawn-so small and fragile with it's white spots-just wanting to get to his mom on the other side of the road where she waited.
The wreck it turns out-was a drunk driver who crossed the yellow line and struck a woman in a mini van with two kids-at 3 in the afternoon, the drunk driver 35 was killed on the scene, the woman flown to the hospital and her kids-in car seats, transported via ambulance. When I finally got home I just wanted to nap.
Met the EXBF for a walk at 830 and we walked and talked for 3 hrs, well til midnight, well into the dark. He says he can't be in a committed relationship right now and needs to take care of his "stuff" because he is all mixed up inside over it, but wants to see me, cared a lot about me and wanted us to date. I told him I'd have to think about that, and he asked that even if I didn't agree if he could still spend time with my son-and I said if my son was ok with that I would not let my feelings interfere.
At first I was fuming and he listened to it for 2 hrs,how could he be mixed up when he was so sure?, how could he feel this when I felt that?, etc etc. Told him it sounded like he wanted to put me on the back burner, while he saw what was out there and then maybe come back if he didnt find anything better, etc-he swore that was not the case that the only person he was interested in right now was himself and getting him straight and on track and that things might not be as bad as I think-let him get the divorce finalized and then he would see where he was with things...maybe he'd feel less crazy inside.
Then on the way back as we rounded a corner, the moon shone so bright, I thought I was a street light-it was AMAZING, never before had I felt like I was in a spot light! And I knew then and there that my HP was keeping an eye on me, and I felt it wash over me and He told me to just Let Go and quit fighting and trying to control. I told EXBF that I could only date him with the following conditions....we date, and remain NOT in a commitment or serious relationship but have fun and enjoy our time together like we used to, BUT that if either of us decided to date anyone else that we would tell the other person first, and that if he chose that route that would be the end of us completely, and when his divorce was final we could reevaluate where we where. That would let us still spend time together, but would set some boundaries, and give us a chance to see what is. I asked him if he honestly believed that we could make this work find our way back to the way things used to be between us, and he said "yes-i do".
So that is that.......I think......and I think Im pretty ok with it. I've been where he is, I've been mixed up inside and I have no right to make him do anything at my pace, and I know the only thing that is going to help him is time. And I need to re invest in my program and work on my issues and my caretaking, controlling, obsession issues,and focus on me.......so this solution gives me the time I need, and gives him the time he needs.
Dr just called......surgery tomorrow at 7am......I get the 4 for one deal-four surgerys for the price of one-lol.....Wish I could laugh about it......I'm so anxious and afraid right now.....
So let me know what you guys think about all this....am I crazy to believe him, or for thinking we can make this work???
The wreck it turns out-was a drunk driver who crossed the yellow line and struck a woman in a mini van with two kids-at 3 in the afternoon, the drunk driver 35 was killed on the scene, the woman flown to the hospital and her kids-in car seats, transported via ambulance. When I finally got home I just wanted to nap.
Met the EXBF for a walk at 830 and we walked and talked for 3 hrs, well til midnight, well into the dark. He says he can't be in a committed relationship right now and needs to take care of his "stuff" because he is all mixed up inside over it, but wants to see me, cared a lot about me and wanted us to date. I told him I'd have to think about that, and he asked that even if I didn't agree if he could still spend time with my son-and I said if my son was ok with that I would not let my feelings interfere.
At first I was fuming and he listened to it for 2 hrs,how could he be mixed up when he was so sure?, how could he feel this when I felt that?, etc etc. Told him it sounded like he wanted to put me on the back burner, while he saw what was out there and then maybe come back if he didnt find anything better, etc-he swore that was not the case that the only person he was interested in right now was himself and getting him straight and on track and that things might not be as bad as I think-let him get the divorce finalized and then he would see where he was with things...maybe he'd feel less crazy inside.
Then on the way back as we rounded a corner, the moon shone so bright, I thought I was a street light-it was AMAZING, never before had I felt like I was in a spot light! And I knew then and there that my HP was keeping an eye on me, and I felt it wash over me and He told me to just Let Go and quit fighting and trying to control. I told EXBF that I could only date him with the following conditions....we date, and remain NOT in a commitment or serious relationship but have fun and enjoy our time together like we used to, BUT that if either of us decided to date anyone else that we would tell the other person first, and that if he chose that route that would be the end of us completely, and when his divorce was final we could reevaluate where we where. That would let us still spend time together, but would set some boundaries, and give us a chance to see what is. I asked him if he honestly believed that we could make this work find our way back to the way things used to be between us, and he said "yes-i do".
So that is that.......I think......and I think Im pretty ok with it. I've been where he is, I've been mixed up inside and I have no right to make him do anything at my pace, and I know the only thing that is going to help him is time. And I need to re invest in my program and work on my issues and my caretaking, controlling, obsession issues,and focus on me.......so this solution gives me the time I need, and gives him the time he needs.
Dr just called......surgery tomorrow at 7am......I get the 4 for one deal-four surgerys for the price of one-lol.....Wish I could laugh about it......I'm so anxious and afraid right now.....
So let me know what you guys think about all this....am I crazy to believe him, or for thinking we can make this work???
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,868
It might work if you are both at the same place in regards to feeling about the other. It sounds to me though, that you are more interested in him than he is in you. I could be wrong, of course, but that's just what it sounds like from what you have posted before. I have to admit to feeling a little weirded out that he wants to maintain a relationship with your son even if the two of you aren't together. If I recall correctly, you and the ex weren't together all that long. Am I right?
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
So let me know what you guys think about all this....am I crazy to believe him, or for thinking we can make this work???
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Personally, I do not get any of this. He is a married man, cheating with another married woman and you want to date him? This just does not compute.
I hope this all works out for you, I will leave your posts with others who understand what and why you are doing what you are doing.
Take care,
Dolly
I hope this all works out for you, I will leave your posts with others who understand what and why you are doing what you are doing.
Take care,
Dolly
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I would not want this for the reasons DollyDo stated but it is not my relationship.
I would never trust him for any commitment..even the agreement to be honest about dating others...for the reasons all ready stated...and more.
I would never trust him for any commitment..even the agreement to be honest about dating others...for the reasons all ready stated...and more.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Sorry, it doesn't sound very promising to me. I haven't been on the forum all that long, but I remember you were all stressed out a few days ago because he called you. And this whole bit about his spending time with your son sounds very odd, too.
I just get a bad vibe about it. You are the one who has to live with the consequences, but be careful of your son's well-being in all this.
I just get a bad vibe about it. You are the one who has to live with the consequences, but be careful of your son's well-being in all this.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
I have reservations about trust with this man, who has let you and your son get close while he was NOT free of his commitments to his wife, and has another bird in hand.
Not the actions of an honourable man, and I would be saying
to him.
God bless
Not the actions of an honourable man, and I would be saying
to him.God bless
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
